During my life I have run into a lot of people who are completely perplexed by me and it seems a lot of them think along the same mistaken lines when it comes to the topic of asexuality. I have decided to write an article, a bit of a wake up call to the world, to let non-asexuals know what asexuality really is, not what the pop psychologists think it is by basing their theories on apathetic amoebas...

1. Asexuality is just another word for celibacy. This is not the case. Celibacy is practiced by a person who generally does feel sexual attraction to others but refrains from sexual activity (often for religious or moral reasons but not always.) Asexuals are people who genuinely have no interest in any sexual activity with another person, regardless of circumstance.

2. Asexuality doesn't really exist in humans. Oh contraire, asexuality has been documented in humans going back to the infamous Kinsey report in the 1950's. Sure, the Kinsey scale only allowed for the measurement of attraction from heterosexual, to ambisexual, to homosexual, but there was a vague mention of asexuals who were labeled in the original research under "X" - meaning they didn't fit the above categories at all. Since then a few studies have been done that suggest that as much as 1 or 2% of the entire world population could be asexual - males and females.

3. Asexuals are just closeted homosexuals who don't want to face up to their sexuality. This one was always a kicker for me, something whispered behind my back since I hit puberty. My best friend through middle and high school insisted I must be a lesbian through an aggravating lack of understanding. I had my fun with this one... gave her the right answer (I'm asexual) before she threw that back in my face, "You are not!" After that I made up a boyfriend, made incredibly ambiguous statements, and told her I was every orientation I could think of just for chuckles. In any event, if I were a lesbian it would have been a lot easier to pretend to be straight if it were the case. Surely if I really wanted to I could have played straight. I could take notes on who the other chicks found appealing and merely tepidly agreed or I could have even reached a little farther out and picked someone whose voice or speech patterns I liked. It wouldn't have been that hard.

4. Asexuals are just people who have repressed their sexuality. Often times religion is tied into this one and I do understand why religion would screw with someone's head. I've seen plenty of churches do massive damage to young people by telling them they can never do anything right (everything's a sin so why even try anymore?) Celibacy is encouraged in many churches but celibacy is different from asexuality. An asexual who finds themselves married still won't want to have sex, that's what defines them, where as a celibate person would likely become sexual after marriage. Most would be quite surprised to know that many asexuals come from nonreligious backgrounds with loving supportive families.

5. Asexuality is the result of a shattered emotional state/ Female asexuals have just had bad experiences with men. Though this may be true in some cases it's certainly not true in all cases. A negative experience doesn't have to predate asexuality. In fact most asexuals probably feel they were born that way, not created later in life to be that way.

6. You just haven't met the right man (or woman) Asexuals are not all against love and relationships. Often times they do have relationships with others but the fact that they don't wish to engage in sex remains the same, regardless of whether they are single or not. Platonic relationships often fill the void for companionship. Should the rest of the world consider these relationships any less serious then the couples who are sexually involved with each other? Personally I don't think so as these couples form the same bonds, the same emotional responses, the same instinct to love and protect each other. A lack of sex doesn't mean a lack of genuine human attachment.

7. Asexuals are abnormal - they have something wrong with them. Not enough studies have been done on asexuals to prove or disprove that they are any different physically from a healthy sexually active person. Hormones (or the lack there of) may be involved but that doesn't mean they need to be "fixed." Asexuals are generally comfortable with their life, few seek to become sexualized (and those that do are automatically slapped with a Sexual Aversion Disorder Label which may have been unjustified.) If sex is not a problem in their lives then there's no reason to fix something that's not broken. If I 'cure' were found for asexuality I'm betting the majority of asexuals would probably ignore it and go on living their lives. Asexuality is after all just a big a part of someone's personality as sexual orientation is to someone who is sexual. It should be noted humans aren't the only ones who show asexual behavior. It's been documented on occasion in other mammals (which makes the psychological standpoint ridiculous.)

8. Asexuals are just naive about sex - if they try it they might like it. Asexuals are rarely naive, if you know any you might find they are remarkably perceptive and well educated on the mechanics of sex. This is easy to understand because a lot of asexuals are perplexed by the energy put forth by our peers that goes into sex or trying to achieve sex. It's not unusual for any of us to innocently and curiously look into it like any other subject of interest. Some asexuals may be capable of having a positive physical reaction to sex itself but that doesn't necessarily mean they will enjoy it or seek more of it. In fact many asexuals do experiment at least once. Some claim sex is mildly fun or interesting in the same way making model airplanes or reading a book is mildly fun or interesting. Generally they go back to the way they were.

9. Asexuals are just severe misanthropes who can't stand people enough to screw one. This may sometimes be true... Heaven knows I'm not particularly fond of a great many people, but that doesn't really enter the sex question. Even misanthropes have their scandalous affairs, driven by the same biological mechanisms that drives everyone else. Hell, even Mencken got married and I can't think of a worse misanthrope then him!

10. Asexuality is just an excuse not to deal with people who are attracted to you. I think sometimes the outside world takes on this attitude but it's not justified. Just because I, or someone else, feels no physical attraction to you, it doesn't mean this should be taken personally. Asexuals rarely feel attraction towards anyone. In fact a great many of them will be shocked to know anyone would feel that way towards them. You can see why many don't like to be touched in any way - they risk giving the wrong impression and that's never a good thing.

If anyone has any questions to ask me on my own asexuality please feel to comment publically or privately and I'll do my best to answer. Otherwise I've written a few blogish articles on the subject so feel free to check them out.

The Upside of Asexuality

A Misanthropic Asexual's Veiws on Dating

More Frank Observations by an Acrimonious Asexual

Not Everyone Wants Kids