Divorce sucks for everyone involved. Period. But when you have small children, it's usually a bit worse. Something that a lot of people dont think about however, is that divorce can even be hard on the grownup children.

Nobody gets married with the idea of divorce in mind, yet its still a real possibility. If someone isnt happy, instead of trying to work through the problems, they get a divorce; it's just plain easier. Ive never been a fan of the "stay together for the kids" philosophy. I think that can do more harm than good and really, who's happy in a situation like this anyway?

Yes, divorce is hard on little kids; they wonder why mommy and daddy dont love each other anymore, how come their once seemingly perfect life has now split in two, maybe mommy and daddy just dont love THEM. But when the parents have been together for a very long time and the kids now have children of their own, theyre still very much affected by divorce.

Age doesnt matter. Not when it comes to divorce.

Ive lived through many a divorce and just as many remarriages. Add to each one of those a few step siblings and a step parent and things can get quite confusing. My family tree looks something like this:

Me-Biological mother married biological father. Bio mom & dad got divorced when I was 2. Mom remarried and I gained a step sister & adopted dad. Bio mom & adopted dad divorced when I was 12. Bio mom got remarried and I got a step father, step brother, step sister and a half brother. Adopted dad (who I now thought of as my real father) got remarried and I got a step sister, step brother and step mother. Mom seperated from step father when I was 28. Step father dies before divorce can take place. I keep my step (and half) siblings as my family. Adopted dad's wife (step mother) decides she wants to be with another man and divorces my dad when Im 32.

Besides the divorce when I was 12, the last one hit me the hardest. It's because my dad did everything in his power to keep her happy. It's because I know this is hurting my dad much more than it could ever hurt me and I cant stand to see him unhappy, therefore, it devastated me. Dont worry about the fact that I was never close to her or anyone from her side of the family. It doesnt matter.

Adult children of divorce know what's going on. They dont blame themselves like little kids might, they know theres nothing they couldve done. But this sets forth a path that they might end up following themselves. If they dont break the cycle, they could well chalk up a few divorces in the next ten years.

Communication

Such a major part of any marriage. Once the honeymoon period is over and guy & girl start to lead their own seperate lives again, even while under the same roof, it is VITAL that there be great communication. If you have a problem, say so. If you dont like that he didnt come home last night, speak up. If youre pissed because she hasnt done the laundry in a month, say it. Nothing is going to get solved by keeping quiet.

Mutual Respect

Have the decency to show your partner the same respect youd want shown to you. Simple.

Make it a point to meet each other's needs

That's right. Ladies, even if youre too tired or "you have a headache", give him some lovin'. Even if all that entails is a little backrub or a foot massage after a hard day of work, do it. Men, same goes for you.

Dont resort to abuse

Whether it be physical, emotional or mental, it all hurts the same. Plus its childish. Punch your pillow. Take a walk. Clean the bathroom. Scream. Anything but take it out on the other person. It's not their fault you cant control your temper and they dont deserve to bear the brunt of it either.

Learn how to argue constructively

Even if youre the most stubborn person on the face of this earth, it is possible to give in and let the other person "win" sometimes. The silent treatment only works for so long and then youre both wondering what it is that you fought over in the first place. Be the bigger person and let it go. No one wins if no one forgives.

Love each other and say so often

If it's just a simple note in her purse, on the bathroom mirror in lipstick, or on the dash of his car, let them know you love them and youre thinking about them. Girls, toss in a sexy pair of your panties if you want to. Thatll get his heart racing and him wondering what's on the menu for tonight. Guys, bring your gal some flowers every now and again. Even if she says she doesnt like flowers, she does and she will appreciate the effort you made to show her you care. After youve been together for awhile, things can tend to get stale, dont let them. Keep things interesting and by doing that, THEM interested. In you. Not the maid or the tennis instructor.

Dont sweat the small stuff

Every couple has issues, believe me, they arent the end of the world. Forgiveness is free. Nobody's perfect. If he leaves the seat up and you fell in the toilet last night, learn to look before you pee. After all, he doesnt yell at you to "put the seat up." If she threw a red t-shirt in with your load of whites, kiss her and laugh, hey, at least she's doing your wash. There are some things exempt from this; you dont have to forgive cheating or abuse.

If you have children, realize this marriage isnt all about you. You decided to get married, you decided to bring babies into this world and now you get to live with those choices. Grow up. Deal with it. Life is too short to be petty and unkind.