Anyone who has been through a divorce will know how depressing and stressful it can be. Divorce is such a significant event that very few can walk away from a failed marriage completely unscathed and undamaged by the experience. Most of us would think that whilst we had been severely affected and emotionally damaged by the process of divorce we would be surprised if someone told us that our health could be damaged too.

Now someone is telling us exactly that and a report published in The Journal of Health and Social Behavior suggests that there may indeed be long term effects on our health in many cases following a divorce.

There is no doubt that we all suffer in a divorce. The person who has been left feels unwanted and devalued. It is all too easy to feel the blame must be yours and that further reduces an already damaged opinion of your significance and your self esteem. is shattered by the experience.

It is not always so easy for the person leaving either. They may be racked by guilt and they may well consider that it was all their fault since they could take it no longer and walked away rather than staying to solve the problems.

Divorce is always a sad thing to see happen to any marriage and a lot of people find the emotional stress of the event takes a toll on their lives but in most cases with time being the great healer it is we move on with our lives and put it all in the box marked experience.

Over time our self confidence recovers somewhat and we start to believe in ourselves once again and vow to do better next time.

Moving on after divorce is easier for some than others. It is probably somewhat easier for the person who chose to leave the marriage as it was, after all, their decision. For the person left behind it can take a long time to get over the shock and disappointment that the marriage they had devoted their lives to was not what they though it was and nor was their spouse.

It can be a period of self discovery as you constantly go over the events in your marriage trying to understand what went wrong. Maybe not everyone does this but my own experience was that I spent a long time asking Why. Why did she think this, why did she do that? Couldn't she see that I was doing this which meant .... and so it went on. The question of why, has no answer because you can never see the world exactly how someone else sees it. Even the partner you thought you knew will interpret things differently to you and even if you knew their reasoning it probably won't change anything. Over time the question of why becomes irrelevant. The marriage has broken down and it's over so you have to move on with your life.

Some recover reasonably quickly and start dating again while others are significantly damaged by the experience and take longer. A few choose to never date again having been put off the whole idea of relationships.

Most of us move on eventually and some go on to develop relationships that are better than the one they had before so divorce can work out for the best in the long term.

It is probably the case that happy people are generally healthier than unhappy people. Perhaps as a result of being happier they are much more positive about life which in turn leads them to do more and live healthier lifestyles. I know I am a lot more active when I am feeling good about life.

According to the report on health and divorce people who recover from divorce and go on to marry again, or develop strong successful relationships, are usually happier than those who do not. The report refers to the fact that marriage can provide benefits "that in turn promote physical health and longevity" though you have to wonder if the certainty and security you thought you had in your first marriage can be as strong in a second one.

We live in a world of constant change and most of us want a certain amount of stability and reassurance and marriage can provide that to some degree.

The reports conclusions suggest that the never married have similar views on their state of health to those people who are married but it finds there is a growing gap between those two groups and people who are widowed, divorced and separated who do suffer more health issues and the long term effects of the ending of a marriage are growing in significance.

So marriage is good for you but a marriage that fails is bad for you. Perhaps the solution is to make sure you marry the right person and save your marriage and avoid divorce which would seem to be a healthier option instead of facing the trauma of and stress of divorce.