Most states currently require divorcing parents to complete anywhere from four to sixteen hours of divorce coparenting classes. Many parents resent this initially, as they assume that they are going to be told how to raise their children. This is not the case.

A good divorce coparenting class reminds parents of what it feels like to be a child, totally dependent on their parents for everything - love, support, encouragement, acceptance, guidance, advice, food, shelter, clothing - literally everything. As adults, we have lost the ability to feel that sense of total dependence on another. To begin to remember how it felt to be a dependent child, imagine that someone has taken your keys, cell phone and wallet from you. How would you feel? No, really, visualize the feeling of standing somewhere in public with no access to those items. Think about it. Why are these things so vital for us as adults?

These items are what make us independent, mobile, able to handle adult situations, leave uncomfortable or unsafe situations if necessary, to call for help, to financially afford to meet our needs. Without these items, we are reduced to being child-like in that we must rely on someone else to protect us, keep us safe, and meet our needs.

With that in mind, you can begin to understand the type of information divorcing parents need to be reminded of. Angry divorcing litigants tend to get caught up in the legal mechanisms and demands of the divorce procedure, and sometimes forget to pay attention to the most important thing of all - the child. Divorcing litigants tend to be self-focused and caught up with one another. Divorcing parents, on the other hand, tend to be more child-focused, caring more about what their children are suffering than what they, as adults, are going through.

Issues discussed in the coparenting classes can and should include the historical facts about the problems of children of divorce, the five stages of grief as suffered differently by children than by adults, a summary of the divorce legal process of your particular area, how to improve communication skills adult-to-adult and adult-to-child, and the absolute no-no's of what children are to hear and be made aware of.

Depending on your particular state law, you may be required to attend as much as sixteen hours. The minimum of any state is four, and this is certainly inadequate. Providers for the classes usually are of the public sector, approved by the local court system or by the state, and charge a nominal fee.

If you are preparing to attend a coparenting class, please arrive with an open mind and heart. During the class, if you find yourself thinking, "Boy, my soon-to-be-ex-spouse sure needs to hear this," shut down that thought and re-focus. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Soak up as much of the information as you can and apply it only to yourself. Time is only wasted by allowing the other parent to live rent free in your head during a time when there is so much to be reminded about as a parent. And truly, that is what coparenting classes are about - simply reminding parents that they are parents first and divorcing litigants second. Their children are their top priority and they cannot loose sight of that, no matter how difficult the legal procedure becomes.

Stay child-focused and view coparenting as an opportunity to spend at least four hours with no children to interupt you and no coparent bothering you. Pay attention and carefully examine yourself and your intentions when faced with information that you find troubesome. Most parents leave the coparenting classes with a completely different attitude than when they arrived. Its not a new attitude; its just a return to the correct attitude of children first, me and you second. Good luck. And enjoy your children.