This article is not about child custody, who gets the house, the cars, the 401Ks and all the other valuable possessions the two of you own. That must be decided by the two of you or if you can't agree, then your respective lawyers can fight it out on your behalf. Attorneys love that. They bill by the hour.

Whether you've been married for a short time or twenty plus years, this is about things that you acquired during your marriage or gifts you received as a couple. Mementoes, small items that don't have a lot of monetary value but nevertheless meant a lot to you at one time. Will you just throw that "junk" away now that you hate each other? Maybe hate is to strong of a word. One thing for sure, you aren't getting any warm, fuzzy feelings when you think about your spouse.

What about your wedding album? Pictures taken by a professional photographer to record the "happy event" and choosing a beautiful album to keep them in do cost a considerable amount of money. Who gets it? What about your wedding rings? They too represent a big investment and their value will increase over time. What are you going to do with it? You're not going to continue to wear it, neither one of you will do that. Are you going to shove it into the back of the jewelry box and hope you don't see it when you're rummaging around for a piece of jewelry you do want to wear?

What about the pictures you so lovingly took of each other on your honeymoon or other trips you took? How about the pictures of the two of you together that you asked a passerby to take of you? What about the letters that you wrote to each other when you had to be apart for any length of time? Or the sweet greeting cards you exchanged?

His Aunt Mary gave you a fancy mixer with all the attachments as a wedding gift, but the only time he enters the kitchen is to get a beer out of the refrigerator. The wife should probably lay claim to that. However, if he's a Cordon Bleu chef or sometimes cooks a meal, he'll want to keep it and he should since it was his relative that gave it to you. Who gets the Christmas ornaments? The tool chest? The dishes? The sheets and blankets? The towels? Does the person who gets the iron also get the ironing board?  The list is endless. 

The stress and trauma of divorce is second only to the death of a loved one psychologists say. No matter which one of you wants to end the marriage, you both suffer. It's an awful time to be thinking about dividing your assets large and small but it has to be done.

Your brain is constantly in overdrive and your nerves are frayed. Where will you live? How will you live? Who will be there to support you? What happens to your mutual friends? Will they take sides or will they drift away? What about your parents or your in-laws? How will you ever handle all the advice that is coming your way from friends, relatives, co-workers and acquaintances and still keep your sanity? Will you be alone for the rest of your life?

Take a deep breath every time you feel overwhelmed and keep repeating the phrase, this too shall pass. Keep repeating it because it's true.

You think to yourself, "Who has the time or energy to worry about the trinkets? I'm going to toss them in the trash and cross that off my list." Don't be so hasty. Give some thought to the mementoes you should keep. Don't throw them away, especially if you have children.

If your children are small, pack the pictures, letters and personal items in a box and stash it away where you won't have to see it on a daily basis. Right now your emotions are raw. The day will come when your kids want to know what you and your spouse were like in the beginning. They'll want to know if you ever loved each other enough to justify bringing them into the world. They will ask these questions, and, hopefully, you'll be able to answer them without bitterness tainting your voice and your demeanor.

You were once happy with your spouse and now is the time to prove it to your children. Haul out that box that's been sitting in the darkest, deepest recesses of your closet gathering dust. Your daughter, or it could be your son, may want your wedding album as a keepsake of her heritage. She may also want to wear your wedding ring on a chain around her neck. Your son may want to read the letters his dad wrote to try and better understand the man he once was.

Even if there are no children, a time will come when you might want to revisit a part of your past. Years going by have a way of softening some of the painful events of another era. Look at the things you've saved in a philosophical way. Contented and happy individuals don't dwell on their anger, spite and resentment. They put it behind them and look forward to the future without forgetting the past. A photograph or note may trigger a memory of a lesson you still need to learn. Without our experiences to teach us, how can we fulfill our destiny?