Is it worth staying in an Unhappy Marriage
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Staying in unhappy Marriages
There are several couples who stay in their marriages even if they are not happy because of several reasons. Three years back a billboard proclaiming "Life's short. Get a divorce" by a Chicago Divorce Lawyers Firm caused enough of an uproar and criticism from all over. But the legal firm made no apologies saying the ad isn't for everyone, but instead targets couples looking for a way out of a bad marital situation. Honestly, I see nothing wrong in people opting out of an unhappy marriage when there is no hope of salvaging the relationship. I believe that marriages are forever. At the same time I think once a relationship is broken no amount of mending can make it the same again.
People’s outlook on Divorce is changing these days. One of my friends who recently got divorced even threw a Divorce Party. I have personally witnessed some of my friends who were divorced from their miserable first marriages find a very contented and happy second marriage. I also was surprised to see Divorce greeting cards a few months ago when I was looking for a suitable online greeting card for one of my friend’s marriage. Here are ten Reasons why people stay glued to their unhappy marriages.
1) For Kids: Children are the worst sufferers when it comes to divorces. Many parents just stay in their unhappy marriages as they love their kids and would not want to cause any harm to them.
2) Money and Perks: Some Woman tends to stay in their marriages because of the comforts and perks they get in the husbands house. The same applies for a man who survives mostly on his wife’s income.
3) Low Self Esteem: Some has low self esteem, doesn't know his/her worth and doesn't realize he/she can do better. Many even lose hope of ever being happy.
4) Do not want to be like the Parents : Several people try to make their unhappy marriage work because they do not want to be like their Parents who have a history of Divorces and have personally suffered the consequences of their actions.
5) Society and Religion: People getting divorced are looked down by the society and some religions. So many pretend that they have a happy marriage even if they are suffering.
6) Guilt : Those who have opted for love marriages normally do not have the support of their parents when things turn sour as they themselves are blame for their own plight and are ashamed of their bad choice. So many of them try to make their relationship work or stay in their unhappy relationships to prove to themselves and their parents that their choice was not wrong and that they are happy with their choices.
7) Loneliness: Many people stay in their unhappy marriages as they are lonely and have no parents or friends to turn to and find security in their marriage even though they are not happy.
8) Property : Some people stay together as they have accumulate wealth together like a house or business or even a pet dog which both are attached to and would not want to give them up for any reason.
9) Freedom to live independent lives: Some couples come to an agreement or compromise on both living life the way they wanted like the husband can spend time with his girlfriend and the wife can spend time with her boyfriend but stay together under the same roof and remaining a happy couple to the outside World.
10) Been forced to stay together: Sometimes couples are forced to stay together because of society pressures and pressures of parents or relatives who are worried about their reputation than two unhappy people.
Whatever the reasons, is it worth staying in an unhappy marriage? Personally I have witnessed many unhappy relationships and people are trying to make it work. I can't imagine them of living a miserable life for so many years trying to make it work. Why do people try so hard to make a failing relationship work when all the love is lost? Why not just leave and find the right person or try living a better life? After all, Life is too short to spend being miserable and it is better to accept it and move on.
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Comments
Thank you for this I have 3 very good friend all males that are married and very most UNhappy. Their wifes are also. Their reasoning for staying for all three 1. Kids, 2. Do not want to be like their parents (2 of them the Mother cheated a Lot was not happy, father was not satifying sexually, but he did provide for the family women did not want to leave that), (last one the father cheated had four other families two were in same area and all the kids went to school together. Wife did not care he brought the check home to her first then the others would get what was left. He owned his own business and did very good at it that he could afford to take care of all of them.) 3. Property, 4. Money and security 5. for two of them religion, but everyone knew of the infidelity of both so I don't see way a divorice would make a difference. Least they would be happy apart than misirable together. And lastly with all is that the spouses they cheated on, figured that if the other were to die they would get everything anyway if they were still married when the cheating one was Killed/died. Strange but true.
Completely agree with your points. But for any relationship to be successful less of ego and more of adjustment is required.
Sometimes it is better to just walk away than to fight. Life is too short.
Thanks for the comments andromida,FeniqueS, jayb23 and advisor4qb.
i have been married for 43 years, my husband has always been unfaithful even with our daughter-in-law who lived in the same house with us at the time.I have so little self esteem that i just overlooked it at the time,but now it is on my mind all the time,but now i have a 9 year granddaughter whom i am raising,and my dad died 4 yrs ago,and i have my mom who has alzhemizer.I feel like there is nothing i can do but stay with him.Any suggestions?
Thanks for sharing your story Pat. I feel bad for what you had to go through. You have wasted a lot of time going through this suffering. But at the age of 60 and with conditions like yours i think you are not left with much choice.
good hub it is u r right
yes we have to do it
Who actually gets anything right the first time(including marriage)? I've heard the statistics on second and subsequent marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages though. I wonder why that is, you would think people would be wiser and choosier.
Thanks for your Opinion kismat and izetti.
Staying together for kids. A true sacrifice one has to make. I have heard real life stories of kids who got depressed after parents got divorced. I dont know my stand on this, but sure this makes one miserable and in dilemma.
Thanks for the comment GoldiString. I have noticed that sometimes staying together for the kids puts the kids into further misery and problems as the couple keeps fighting most of the times.
Very good list. Divorce isn't easy but neither is a bad marriage.
I agree with you. Thanks for the visit Writer Rider.
I am 83 years of age and have a beautiful loving wife to whom I have been married 56 years. we have had a very successful loving relationship and as a result we have five sons nine grandchildren and four G grandchildren. I believe that COMPROMISE is the factor most likely to succeed in maintaining a successful union. Choosing carefully helps too.
Hi there
I am in a long term relationship with a strong, honest, hard working man who is totally committed and adores me...or so he says. I realised some time ago, to my shame, that I need to leave for my own happiness and sanity. I am very independent, strong and committed but Where I have have always supported, motivated and encouraged my partner, he has always critisized, undermined, undermined and tried to 'mould' me...my blindness to thus was my love and my belief in helping others to be the best they can be...I am an optimist.
However, 20yrs in and the games my partner plays are all now adapting to my challenging his actions...this has lead to a very dark period in my life/our relationship...I moved out for 7 months but came back through what I believe to be misplaced duty and love. He never talks about anytgi g, he never accepts the impact of his actions and has never apologised...why should he, I am back. Please accept that I am oversimplifying things here.
The upshot is I am miserable...I want only good things for him but, for my part our relationship is about me keeping him 'occupied' so as to avoid I timacy and his anger and mood swings. I feel that I no longer trust him with my feelings and, although if asked will be totally frank and honest, I avoid intimacy because he is threatened by my outlok and twists it to either make fun or punish me.
Why do I stay when I have virtually withdrawn from everything I love and am drawn to so as to avoid boring yet another person about my misery.
My happy go lucky, positive can do, optimistic and forward looking self has become inverted, quiet, bored and lonely...alway hiding my sadness and dreaming of escape. But my partners insistence tha I am over sensitive and over react to things make me feel like I am not seeing the real picture, like I am throwing tantrums in light of his love comttent and all he does for me/us. I believe he has emotionally drained and abused me with his possessiveness, his insistance that his way is the only way, his disinterest in anything I do or enjoy away from him and his treatment of me.
Help ... I am going in sane and becoming resentful when I see him so happy...it's all so one sided...he has refused acknowledge any of this and I am spent, lost, sad, lonely and slowly dying.
Please tell me how I leave...I can't keep a job be ause I take jibs I hate because he only approves of a certain way of livi g and has made it impossible to do otherwise.
Help...
I think it's important to find out if the relationship is worth salvaging before deciding to divorce. Counseling can help decide this and you get the bonus of learning something that can help you in other relationships even if you do end up divorcing anyway. So, I guess, I believe you must work HARD and be willing to make changes BUT in the end if you divorce, it's better than staying in a bad marriage. I think probably where I live, in the US, there is a bit less social stigma associated with getting a divorce.
You are right mulberry1. Thanks for the response.
If you 're miserable and there no hope at all of it getting in better, than the only sane thing to do is throw in the towel and call it quits, if you can't have a happy marriage you can at least have peace of mind. Thanks for sharing. creaqtiveone59
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andromida says:
6 months ago
Throwing a party for divorce is a very positive sign,it symbolize freedom and strengthen our right to become free and live as a free bird as we really were designed to live on.Staying in an unhappy marriage is like a lion living in a cage,stripped of its all freedom.