Do NOT get married at 18!!!
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STOP!..in the name of love...
"Oh, he's so cute!"
"She's the best!"
"I've never felt like this before."
Maybe it is your first love. Maybe you are seasoned in crushes and sexual activity. Maybe you are 'mature for your age'. Maybe you don't want to lose him. Maybe you crave to feel loved.
Guess what? It doesn't matter. You are not ready. So much learning and changing ahead.
I do know some rare couples that have beaten the odds. Congratulations to them! I really mean it! But even those few have had many struggles; some have had very serious problems that could have destroyed them.
Once you fail at something like this, something this big and this important, it can make you jaded. Make you question security, love, everything you once believed in. I state this out of experience. I thought I was ready. I thought I knew him. I thought we had a shared vision of our life together. I thought we didn't believe in divorce.
Now if you are an extremely young person, you probably think you know better than me. Maybe you think it won't happen to you. Maybe you think I am just a bitter old woman. But I simply hate to see people get hurt, and this experience has hurt me like no other. It continues to hurt and hurt and hurt. It is hard enough to understand and accept oneself during that confusing, critical time of your life. Harder to understand and accept another person's moods, failures, changes. If you even slightly miss growing together, you grow apart.
A marriage that does not last can affect the rest of your life, especially if you have children together. No, it WILL affect the rest of your life, whether you realize it or not. Many people do move past it and some even learn from the experience, but it does change them.
Add in kids- with the amazement and love comes more stress, more responsibility, and less time together as a couple. When their family does not stay together, it will change their lives too, despite their unquestionable innocence in the matter.
So, for your sake, your family's sake, your possible childrens' sake, wait until you are 'past the bloom of youth'!
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Comments
I got married at 18 but i had also dated a LOT of guys and had experienced alot of hurt and heartache and knew exactly what i wanted. It had nothing to do with not wanting to be away from him, having sexual hormones, etc... it was because i really truly loved him for who he was. We were friends for 2 years before we even dated and so we knew each other very well. I would like to say we are a rare exception. It will be 5 years in November and we haven't ever been closer. We have had hard times but we are both too stubborn to ever leave each other.
I know that you had your heart broken and I am really sorry about that :(. I wish i could fix it for you.. but i can't. I know that someone out there will love you and fix that broken heart though.. trust me.
I agree with your piece. My sis always told me before I married that I would change and one day I would wake up in my 20's and have different perspectives.
And... she was right! I didn't want to believe that at the time.... I am very different now. And any woman who says she's exactly the same as she was at 18 is in denial.
I won't address the issues of my failed marriage here for your readers...because, I don't see failure or a broken heart as the message you are conveying at all.
I see that you are saying once you've lost those years, you cannot retrieve them...they are gone forever...and you have to pick up and move on.
I see you moving forward luv, and surrounding yourself with people who empower you....you alone..this is your time to heal, and you will :D
I do think that everyone changes from what they were as a teenager. I agree with that completely!
I agree the person you are at 18 is not the person you are at 25 years of age. Life is always changing...
I wish I could email this to a certain someone...*sigh
Most young people will not listen if you try to warn them. They will probably think they know better. And I suppose sometimes the only true teacher is experience.
My (ex)husband and I were together almost a decade. It was NOT as if it were a few months, we had a fight, and simply couldn't take it anymore.
Every marriage, no matter the participants' ages, will have tough times and things to work through. With the current divorce rates though, why increase the odds against you by promising yourself to someone else for the rest of your life-before you give yourself a chance to grow up?
I thought if I knew anything, I knew he loved me. I would have thought myself to walk away way before him. We actually went out on a date two days before he told me he was leaving me.
Again, I express my sincere happiness to those that have been successful thus far in wedded bliss! Please be adult and humble enough to realize bad things can happen to anyone, even you. If you are married, or decide to marry, please truly love and cherish one another. Do not take eachother forgranted.
Peace, happiness and love to all.
I like what you said. I do agree that every marriage and every relationship is going to have their good times and their hard times. You are not happy all the time and that is something that i think that people think is going to happen when they get married.. you will just be happy all the time. and its not true.
You are a great person, very pretty, and have 2 amazing kids out of this.. you will find someone else who loves you and loves those kids! I know it :)
-Whitney
jamminjaymee says:
5 months ago
This article is very good. The feeling of hurt, pain was truly felt by me as a reader. Left me wanting more.