“Living Out of My Family Turf”

“It feels good to be home” – you say time and again you come home from work, school, or play exhausted. But what if you suddenly come home to a different place? To some strange turf you would call something other than your home. I bet you would feel disoriented. Lost. You feel something is missing. That’s what I felt when I went out of country. I was suddenly out of my family turf. I felt homesick and have somehow lost a sense of freedom.

Imagine not being able to sit with your feet up your couch... What’s more is that I could no longer find the faces I have gotten used to, welcoming me home.

I went out of country to fulfill a better career opportunity. I found more money in my pocket, but in the process I also lost something...

Being away from your family could be a pang. Even if you’re not what you would call ‘close’ with your siblings, or mom, or dad… I wasn’t close with my family, in a sense that I could comfortably tell them every detail of what happened to my day. A lot of times our only conversation would be something like, “What’s for dinner.” But God how I miss them. Just having their presence makes me miss them.

I miss the times when we would just sit in the living room watching the same program. (At least we have the same likes when it comes to TV.) The family that watches TV together stays together… (Maybe one thing with family members is that you tend to think the same, sometimes. You could attribute that to genes. Wow. The power of creation. I finish my brother’s sentences and it’s magic. Sometimes I would look at my sister and feel as if I’m looking at the mirror… Family…

God I love my family… But I admit I also hate them. Sometimes. Just sometimes. Family quarrel is the worst. But I guess fighting within the family is just a veil of how much you truly care about each other. “The more you hate, the more you love.” You fight about who’s right at one point because you don’t want a family to make the wrong decision and suffer for it. Every time you say a bitter word, you also tell you care. Intimate fighting could be awe-some.

I miss sibling rivalry. I miss fighting with my mom… I miss it. How could I? It’s funny. I miss them telling me, in fact, dictating to me what to do… ‘cause now that they are out my sight there are times that I just don’t know what to do. Things like “Should I buy this jacket?” How could I miss my mom just buying a jacket? It’s really funny. She would insist on the gray one while I like the blue one and we’d be bickering for minutes. In the end I would get what I want. In the end I would get what I want – after a fight. I guess that’s what I miss the most. It’s like someone would pester me telling me how ugly my shirt is and still lets me wear it. Baby that’s what I call – love. Nobody else would tolerate you the way your family does. There’s this level of respect for your personal decisions, and you don’t get that everywhere you go… I live out of my family turf and that’s what I miss the most. Respect.

Strangers would let you do whatever you want but that’s only because – they don’t care. With family it’s the exact opposite. They give you true freedom… I miss the family that lets me be myself and accepts me…

I admit how much I hate the family fights while they were occurring. But now I guess I just took for granted that sacred meaning that lies beneath it… Family… Love… It’s now I have some sense of what it is. Now that I’m away from them. Now that I’m out of my family turf… God how I miss them…

~Ae Dechavez

Related Articles

What else would you like to know about? Request a hub.