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Do you like looking at Beautiful Breasts while you work? If so, be a DJ!

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By DJ Funktual



That's right you too can go to Shangri-La or at least Mardi-Gras every weekend for the rest of your life!!!

Being a DJ is a really great job.

Much better than that job you have!

I am the MAN that everybody wants to buy drinks for.

I am the guy that has instant credibility with a huge crowd.

They can hear and see what I do immediately and the fact I'm rocking a crowd full of freaks all night long just turns them on.

They start making their way to the DJ Booth with their F*@k -Me eyes and you just know that she is gonna be grindin up on ya tonite.

A lot of girls just wanna feel sexy when they go out. Period. They like to strut their stuff and I'm the one who facilitates that for them.

They wanna come tell me that I'm kickin these people's asses and ask me where am I headed after?

Or better yet, they wanna know where the VIP Room is.

Nudity and fellatio are very common in my job. Some girls just wanna hear a request and yet they approach the booth like they want my housekeys.

Big Bouncy Beautiful Breasts are the best thing about my job.

Baby Bouncy Boobies would be second. (ahh Spring Break!)

Don't get me wrong..now that I've been married I haven't touched a girl in almost 11 Years but I still see those 21-Year-Old bodies live and in person all the time. There's no urge to cheat if they give it away for free. Trust me.

I've seen all kinds of crazy stuff.

When I was a 19 year old kid spinning in New York, boy....I lived a life.

I never did it for the girls and still don't. It 's simply the greatest perk of any job anywhere. I'm absolutely committed to the music and I am focused for 3/4ths of the night but.................by the end when everybody's so drunk they don't know how they're gonna get home I get to enjoy lotsa freak shows.

Girls who like get naked in public will never be unpopular that's for sure.

You gotta tell your daughters before they even think about going to clubs that their are a lot of things that you just DON'T DO. Like girls gone wild type stuff. Like smoking Crack & Heroin. Where did the parenting begin losing the fight against Rock-n-Roll....

Long ago.

Elvis Presley. The Beatles. Johnny Cash. Outlaws of their day.

That is what a DJ is. The guy who sticks his musical knowledge his mixing abilities and basically his balls on the table and says check this out!

"I know what you need and I'm gonna give it to you, so listen up"...and then I rock'em all night long.

It's my job.

Being a DJ means"The dancefloor is our canvas and we paint with the sounds of music history every night live."

Not with pre-Mixed sets we made at home on our computer. How lame is that?

I am revolutionizing the dj-audience experience through mutual love of funky good time music. I don't seek your attention with over-scratching either, I believe it's supposed to be about the audience and the music, period.

I check the pulse of the crowd regularly.

I am just steering the ship and I just help them get where they want to go.

Some nights end with "It was a Good Day" by Ice Cube

Some end with "Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction

and yes some nights still end with "Last Dance" by Donna Summer

but it's their choice.....I take no pleasure in hearing "Sweet Caroline" or "Because I Got High" or "One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer" but I'm here to serve you, the public.

And maybe that's why you undress before me.

You serve my eyes with pleasure the way i have serve your ears.

Whatever it is...I love it. My wife is not the jealous type and that's why I can speak so frankly about this subject.

Sometimes I come home all smiley and 'cat who ate the canary-like' and she'll give me a knowing smile and ask, "Did you see boobies again tonight my love?"

and I go "uh huh". All Bashful.

I LOVE MY JOB.

IF YOU HAD PEOPLE HAD ANY IDEA HOW TRUE THIS HUB WAS YOU'D QUIT YOUR JOB TOMORROW AND START LEARNING HOW TO BE A DJ.

I'm not running a DJ school (although I probably should.)

This is free advice. Be a DJ if you dare. If you can hear what others just dismiss. If you can really hear music like the kid in the movie August Rush and like...well me. It's like being a vessel to the Gods. An instrument of beauty who reflects all your tastes as well as my own into an EXPERIENCE.

Did you ever come home from a show (Play or Film) and say to yourself, "Wow, that was great. What an amazingly satisfying time I had. The talent we witnessed live was something I'll always remember."

That's the kind of conversation I elicit.

AT MY JOB baby!

While they CLAP, NOD, or FLASH ME into some kind of Euphoria.

I drive home and I can't get the smile off my face.

I created this life for myself and you can too.

If you can hear the music.....

Comments

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Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson  says:
2 years ago

Terrific hub, DJ! Your passion shines through, loud and clear. Your listeners are lucky, no wonder you get rewarded by your audience.

billyblogthornton profile image

billyblogthornton  says:
2 years ago

i was a bouncer in bars for four years. the only person that sees more titties than a bouncer is a dj. and dj's get paid more too. and they don't have to break up fights. instead, they can play the soundtrack to the fight. and in irish bars, the only thing more abundant than titties is fists flying through the atmosphere.

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

Thanks for the insight billy!

I always treated my bouncers VERY well because he is the only one coming to save you when the boyfriend of the girl flashing you is pissed off about it.

I never used to play the soundtrack to the fight simply because it is really my responsibility to the establishment to chill things out if a fight breaks out.  Things get out of control quickly as I'm sure you'll attest. 

I never incited violence with my music because it is the best way to get replaced!....or beaten up.

Rhym O'Reison profile image

Rhym O'Reison  says:
2 years ago

Since I can't "hear" the music and don't really care about looking at big bouncy beautiful boobies, I guess being a DJ is out for me. I do believe being a good DJ is a gift and also that you have married the perfect woman for you. Good on ya.

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

Why can't you hear it? Anyone can hear it.

And hey, if you don't like boobies I'm sure you would control the men in your own way. You look pretty hot in your photo.

Almost like Kate on "Lost"

I wonder what the boobie girls do when there is a female DJ? Flash their fake smiles no doubt.

SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie  says:
2 years ago

At least your job is never dull. It always sounds fun and interesting.

Princessa profile image

Princessa  says:
2 years ago

Answering your question... if there is a female DJ... better do not approach ;-)

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

Are you a DJ Princessa?

Princessa profile image

Princessa  says:
2 years ago

No, but I am a professional clubber...

stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68  says:
2 years ago

Hey, I think you have a really cool job, and you sound like the perfect person to do it. In fact, my really great friend is getting married in August, and we're having her Bachelorette party in May. Boy, oh boy, do I wish there was a way to get to your club - it would be a blast. I was always one of the last ones on the dance floor. But no - I never flashed 'em. ;-) Great Hub.

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove  says:
2 years ago

A girlfriend of mine is a professional DJ. She feels pretty much the way you do.

The dance floor is her canvas. She checks the pulse of the crowd and steers them where they want to go.

Girls love her.

She's gay.

Nice hub!

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

So she really gets to enjoy the boobie factor!!!!

Get her to come on and comment. She could add some juicy details I'm sure.

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove  says:
2 years ago

Actually, she wouldn't add any juicy details. It's kind of interesting why, and a little hard to explain.

Let's start with straight guys. Maybe they look at boobies first.

Now gay girls. For the most part, they look elsewhere first, like at a personality, a dancing style. a presence, an attitude. Breasts might be the last thing they look at.

And gay girls respect straight girls, even when straight girls flaunt themselves in a guy's direction. Gay girls understand why straight girls do that.

You may be interested to know that many straight girls either have engaged in a sexual experience with another girl, or fantasized that they might. For girls, straight or gay, it's a girls' club.

When my girlfriend is working, she's working. The last thing on her mind is some other girl's body parts. Not that she's unaware, mind you. It's just that other things are more important, like doing well the job she's being paid for.

Aren't you glad you asked? :)

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

Hell yeah I'm glad.   I was an actor for 12 years so I definitely have been to school on the gay-straight-curious thing. No juicy stories to tell though. I was just not evolved enough to have a casual gay experience just for the sake of it. It has to come from within, you know. I used to consider it a flaw in my personality but hey, it's good to be straight.

Boobies are so very very wonderful.

And one thing i have to clear up is this.  The first I ever notice in a girl is her eyes. All people really. because all the factors you mentioned can be seen right there in their eyes. 

Great World profile image

Great World  says:
2 years ago

Do you like looking at beautiful breasts? Yes, I do. I would say most men like to, but you are the lucky one. The title catch my attention and make me read on. Can sense that you are a very frank guy and easy to talk to. This hub is especially useful for those who want to become a DJ. Good experience to share.

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

Thx Great World! Love your moniker btw.

HubPageGuy profile image

HubPageGuy  says:
2 years ago

Nice Hub! Keep On Rockin!

Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney  says:
2 years ago

Good Hub, a word on breasts, boobs or tits, I love to look at them. However I prefer to see the real thing, even if slightly smaller, I prefer them to those that have been created for them down in silicon valley.

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
2 years ago

As Creed on 'the office' would say, Swing Low Sweet Chariot!

cesard23 profile image

cesard23  says:
18 months ago

great hub, what a great way for the girls to thank a DJ!!!! and i thank you and all other DJ's for getting the girls in a "randy" mood!!!!.ha ha

drummer boy  says:
18 months ago

hey DJ Funktual, like the hub, what you say is true. I am a DJ also and love my job. I also do karaoke and they really get into that. I used to play drums in a country band and quickly learned that it is better to split the club money one way than to split it 4 or 5 ways. Keep on rockin.

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
18 months ago

Will do.

crap head  says:
18 months ago

hey dj funktual

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
18 months ago

Hey crap head

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
17 months ago

Wonder how crap head is doing these days?

jerky ong profile image

jerky ong  says:
15 months ago

Thank you for making our job look cool and one of a kind. I do agree with the stuff you said regarding the women, music and a lot of other stuff. Most people don't realize what a joy it is to be paid for doing something you love to do and would probably do for free anyways.

keep it up bro... P.L.U.R.!

belief713 profile image

belief713  says:
15 months ago

Great! My hubbie is a DJ. Now I'm more worried than ever! LOL Do I need to go to every event? j/k I'm not too jealous, you gotta know the game, especially in the music industry. I'm glad he's found something he loves and gets paid for! But temptation is a you know what...best wishes!

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
15 months ago

ROFL

DJ Royal T  says:
14 months ago

It's been 18yrs since I last club DJ'd but I'll tell you, those were the best years of my life so far. The perks were great, just as you described, but it was sometimes just as gratifying to be the one to provide a "safe haven" for the PYT that had too much to drink and was helpless prey. Chicks always knew where to run if they got into trouble. Of course, I wasn't ALWAYS Mr. Nice Guy... Peace Out!

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
14 months ago

Mos def. i could tell some amazing stories IN DETAIL!

rockinjoe profile image

rockinjoe  says:
14 months ago

take this hub down before your wife sees it. (Leave up the pics, though:)

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
14 months ago

She loves this HUB!

Dorsi profile image

Dorsi  says:
13 months ago

Being a DJ means"The dancefloor is our canvas and we paint with the sounds of music history every night live."

Love it!!! Do girl DJ's get to see the men? lol............

DjGabriel profile image

DjGabriel  says:
13 months ago

True. True. True. and True

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
10 months ago

This is such a great hub!

Pete Dub  says:
9 months ago

Whats the ultimate boobie song? The one that never fails!

Patricia Costanzo profile image

Patricia Costanzo  says:
9 months ago

Your wife must be one self confident woman.

DJ Funktual profile image

DJ Funktual  says:
9 months ago

Oh she is! Best wife anyone funk man could ask for!

anne  says:
8 months ago

yummy.very sexy

s2kthecreed profile image

s2kthecreed  says:
6 months ago

Great hub man very entertainingg

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