What constitutes an affair is debatable among men and women and is largely a product of one's comfort level in a relationship. While most people would be inclined to accept the definition of an affair as sexual or amorous relations of two people, we know that this too can sometimes be a vague definition. Indeed our own former President Clinton, apparently drew distinctions within this definition as to what constituted sexual relations.

One hotly debated idea is that an affair can be non-physical interaction. Internet chat rooms, instant messenger conversations, and even emails may contain flirtatious interaction with another person which some would consider to be an affair. Certainly, a married or involved person is not honoring their spouse or partner or even exercising exclusivity if they are engaging in sexual or romantic conversation with someone they know or even with a total stranger. Yet, those people engaging in this type of discreet conversation often contend that they have not violated the sanctity of marriage or the understood exclusivity of a relationship because there has been no actual contact.

It is impossible to speak for everyone. However, most would probably agree that if this type of behavior is not an affair, then there is no reason it must be hidden from one's spouse or partner. The fact that it is, in most cases, implies that the persons engaging in this activity do have a sense that it is not appropriate nor honorable behavior and that it is detrimental to the well-being of their relationship.

It is probably unlikely that any such behavior would be considered acceptable in a relationship unless the activity was engaged in by both spouses, and in deed there are married and unmarried couples who do find it to be a turn on to converse in a sexual nature with others in cyberspace. Suffice to say, if both a husband and wife are aware of and perhaps mutually participating in such activity then neither would classify it as extramarital activity or infidelity of the relationship.

For those interested in learning if their spouses or partners are engaging in cyber-relations it is actually quite easy. But it's not as simple as asking your spouse if they are flirting online. Most spouses who are won't freely admit this kind of information.

The fastest, most reliable way to find out is to simply make a small investment in a computer monitoring program. Computer monitoring programs are widely used by businesses to keep workers from engaging in personal computer activity during company time and by parents who wish to know what their children are up to while on the Internet.

One such program is SPYRECON. This program can be downloaded right from the Internet onto any computer and it runs undetected and without notification of itself in the program menu or icon tray. It records everything from visited websites to the keystrokes typed in for instant messenger, chat room and email conversations. After a suspicious spouse has finished using the computer the monitoring program can be accessed through a special password entry and a full report of all activity is then available for review even if the spouse has closed all applications, deleted emails and browsing history. Sure, it's admittedly a little sneaky but then again so is the activity of a spouse engaging in cyber-relations.