In essence God doesn't allow for suffering, but we as humans because of sin suffer. It is hard to image it, but in the Bible it does say that he wages of sin is death. Yet, for some reason I've gone from understanding pain as an observer to someone who question why?

Or, more precisely why does God let us suffer? Not simply physical, but emotional and mental and even spiritual. Let me share my own experience of suffering. The loss of a loved one, one whom many people would assume a long life to.

The loss of a baby.

With my child's death I questioned my own faith and spirituality. I questioned why God would allow someone so young to die. I questioned my own faith and reason for belief. In this questioning, I hit a brick wall.

This brick wall caused my faith to diminished as I questioned the value of suffering and why I needed to suffer.  I wondered what good my faith was.  My brick wall seemed high and strong.

It wasn't.

I begged and I cried, and I prayed for my child to live, and yet he didn't. Then I got mad, angry, and bitter, of course I didn't understand that I was still young in my faith, and although I spent my whole life as a Christian this rocked my faith to its core. I began to believe God abandoned me. I took death of a loved one as a sign God wanted suffering in my life. It nearly broke my spiritual life. I stopped praying and communicating to God.

Tears of pain only cause the brick wall to grow strong.  It was though time and help I began to pull down the wall.

It was only later when I began to understand that God doesn't allow suffering, in many ways he relieves suffering. My child was suffering and he needed relief. This I could not understand. I still don't. Yet I am at peace with that. With loss one must wonder why some never accept it and others do.  why some suffer for a lifetime, never growing always hurting, and other come to terms with their suffering.

From my experience it is family and friends who knew when to speak and when not to. There were others who did speak when they shouldn't have but they also didn't know what to say in terms of comfort.  This can increase suffering, and push away faith.

Death and loss scares and scars us, and yet, we wonder what we did to have this suffering. I must admit that God had nothing to do with my suffering, it was my frail body that couldn't understand the gift that was given to me at the time.

There are so many types of joys and sorrows, some are for good right away and some are for good long after the fact. During that time we suffer, it is also during that time that we grow. Or, at least I've come to the conclusion that we grow because of it.

Suffering is not a bad thing, I think that in the Bible many of the Old Testament and New testament people we so look up to and comment upon suffered. Jesus did the ultimate suffering and yet, he won the greatest thing, for us, eternal life.

I've learned that God doesn't allow us to suffer, we do, but he also allows us to grow, with either suffering or joy. Just like crying, it can be for both joy or sorrow. In the end it brought me closer and stronger in my faith.

My brick wall of suffering is growing smaller, although I feel that it will never leave but in the end, my faith has grown over it.