Domestic violence and domestic abuse are on the rise. In some major cities, domestic abuse has reached epidemic proportions, with cases of domestic violence being reported on such a scale that agencies are hard pressed to make any effectual response.

Fingers are pointed at the breakdown of the family unit, inadequate, over-taxed government services and municipal agencies, overcrowding, and the erosion of societal values as the main causes of this malaise. Fingers are pointed at the education system, the welfare system, the economy, lax immigration standards, the out-sourcing of jobs, and the failure of mainstream churches. We are told it is because of too many religions, too much religion, and not enough religion...but rarely are any of those fingers pointed back at us.

This epidemic though, much like the flu virus we so fear, crosses all boundaries of class, education, race, income, and belief. It can appear in any neighborhood from the saddest ghetto to the mansions on the hill in their privileged and protected communities. No gates, rules or physical barriers can keep it out.

If we are to have any impact on this domestic scourge, we must first be willing to break the cycle of violence - not an easy task.

"Daddy hates Mommy, Mommy hates Dad;

You should have heard the big fight they had;

Scared little sister so she had a bad dream;

Woke us all up with her terrible scream -

Skip-a-rope, skip-a-rope,

Listen to the children while they play;

Ain't it funny what the children say -

Skip-a-rope"

The last line of that song, a country ditty from the 70s, popular about the same time as "D*I*V*O*R*C*E", describes what was often referred to with the phrase, "little pitchers have big ears".

Another chart topper from that era, "In The Ghetto", depicts the result of the unbroken circle of violence even more vividly and poignantly.

Children learn what they hear. They learn what they see. In spite of our best intentions to hide things from them, children absorb our fears, and our attitudes towards each other.

They learn how to act and react from the way we treat each other.

A son hears his father belittle and demean his mother, and learns that his mother is not worthy of respect.

A daughter watches her mother try to please and appease her husband, and learns how to be a doormat.

Will they carry these attitudes into their marriages?

Unless something happens to teach them that this is not "how it should be", they probably will.

If the child's ego or personality is sufficiently resilient, she or he be able to throw off or overcome the "programming", but any child exposed to an abusive, violent environment is at risk of becoming either a victim or an abuser.

It's called "breaking the chains" - breaking the chains of violence, breaking the chains of ignorance, breaking the chains that bind us in the lock-step of abuse and submission, of violence and victim.

Abuse breeds in silence. It flourishes in denial. It grows overpowering through acceptance.

It requires strength of character and strength of intention to break away. We have to be willing to move past our own fears and act for our children.

We have to become educated, advocates, and activists. We have to speak out, even if this makes us unpopular, or gets us labeled as a trouble-maker.

We have to take a stand - stand up and be counted - stand up and be heard.

If you are in an abusive situation, get out! Don't wait for it to calm down - don't bury your head in the sand and hope things will get better. Things will only get worse the more you accept and the longer you stay.

There will never be a perfect time, a time when you have saved enough money, or when you have everything lined up, or when you feel strong enough.

Something will always get in the way. Something will always come up. Plan by all means, but be get ready to go before you and your children become just one more statistic of domestic violence on the evening news.

There are resources available - there are people out there who will help you, but you have to take the first step.

Your children are waiting. Will you break the chains for them?