Today, I will tell you a story of a friend who suffered from domestic violence. This story will not be as the typical stories of spousal abuse you hear all the time, because my friend was an abuse man, a battered man who suffered from domestic abuse.

That night he told me, he drove alone on a quiet dark road, building enough courage to make this decision. The night turned out to be the turning point of his life. He knew this moment was coming, but he did not think, that night was going to be the night. He thought he could make it work, no matter what challenges they were facing. But after ten years of marriage, he decided, he had enough. He no longer can endured her verbal abuse, nor can he worry about what others are going to say or think. He decided he was not going to live his life to please others that have no importance to him.

It was 12 years ago, on a snowy day when he first saw this beautiful lady, who would soon become his wife. After two years of dating, they got married. At first, he thought the marriage happened because of their love for one another. But he soon realized, after her daily reminders, of how worthless he was and she married him because she was pregnant with their daughter. He went on to explain how she did not stop there. She went on her daily reminders of how she should have listen to her mother, and not marry someone like him, over and over. He told me some the things she called him over the years, which I decide not to repeat in this article. However, he did not want to be part of the divorce statistic, so he tried all he could to make the marriage work. He stayed for 10 years. He soon realized it did not matter if he bought her the biggest home in the neighborhood or spends all the money he has taking her out to please her. She was not going to love him.

His world change for ever, he told me, after he spoke these words to his wife. “I am leaving you.” Shortly after that, he explained to me how everything was in chaos, and his days appeared to be a nightmare that would not end, just like his abusive wife's abuse. As time passed, he told me this was the best decision he has ever made.

Until two years ago, he did not think he was being abuse. Everyone argues and say things during moments of disagreements. But he found out words can hurt just like a punch to the face or a hit with a baseball bat to the head. These attacks on his character, and personality were not only destroying their marriage, but also they were also destroying him. He became a different person. He would keep everything inside and seldom vocalized his feelings for fear of her getting angry or irritated. He told me he would make excuses to the reasons for her emotional abuse behavior.

The National Violence against Women survey shows 37.5% of victims each year are men, and on http://www.batteredmen.com/batabuse.htm you will find many testimonies of men who were abuse either verbally or physically. Many of them just like my friend did not realize what they were getting from their spouses were abuse. One of the testimony by a man, who was abused, said “I am a mental health professional, social worker and marriage and family therapist. I had blinders on like most guys. I interpreted her behavior as emotional disturbance, and would often sit up all night trying to comfort her after one of these episodes.” I have to tell you, my friend also sat up many nights comforting her during one of her episodes. He did not realize he suffered from mental abuse. He was a man. Men don’t get abuse he thought.

Today, if you are in one of these relationships, regardless if you are a man or woman or know of someone, you need to find help. Do not make excuses as my friend did and like the gentleman on batteredmen.com did. You deserve better and should not settle for anything less. An abuser, either verbal or physical is the same as a school yard bully; they are trying to control you because of their own fear and insecurity.

To conclude, my friend spend ten years of his life accepting less than he deserves in a relationship that he knew was not suppose to happen. He allowed fear and shame to nail him down in a position he was not very comfortable with. It took him great courage to be able to escape. His kids he did not want to leave behind. But he was not going to be a good father or person if he had stayed. Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions. Do not stay in abusive relationship because of the kids, you will regret later.

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, tell them to get out, help them to get out, seek help from friends and other family members. Talk to your pastor or get help from your company wellness program. For my friend, he had helped from his family, at first they did not understand why he was leaving, and they felt whatever it is can be work out. But after a while, his family supported his decision. I know you rarely hear of abuse men. Today, I wanted to share my friend story, in hope I am able to help one person, man or woman that’s being abuse to get out.