Have you ever given someone a self-help book? If you have, let me enlighten you about how you made the receiver feel!

I am not good enough the way I am! The fastest way to attack a persons identity and pull the rug out from under their self-esteem is through giving them one of these, so called useful self-help books.

If the person you gave it to thought they needed help in being a better whatever, they would have sought out help for themselves via a self-help book that they are capable of buying for themselves or via another means of securing help!

My Mother-In-Law has sent my children and I so many different types of self-help books over the last 23 years, I could open my own self-help book library! No joke! My children instead of looking forward to Christmas and Birthday presents from Grandma, dread it every year! It seems that my children need to change everything about themselves! As for me, it is the same. I have gotten everything from "How to be a better wife" to "How to be a better parent." You name it, I have received it! I can't manage money, clean house, cook, am not a good enough Christian, etc... At least she does not pick on her son, my husband!

My children have grown up knowing that they have never been good enough in their grandparents eyes. This has been terrible for their self-esteem. It has caused them to have little to no relationship with their grandparents. They do not like to be around them because it is always a negative experience. Besides the books, they are always lectured on what they could be doing better in their lives. Seldom is there EVER any positive reinforcements or accolades for what accomplishments they have made.

We, the children and I, are just fine the way we are, and we always have been! Children of coarse have their ups and downs as they are growing and learning, but that is normal. They are and always have been pretty good kids. They are 23 and 26 now, but the damage is done. The psychological damage and the family relationships are in such a state that it will take a long time to reverse the wounds caused by these self-help books being given to us! Especially to my children!

So, next time you think you are doing someone a good thing by giving them one of these self-help books, think twice about it! Think about how it would make you feel if you received one from somebody!

There is loving, constructive criticism and then there is just going too far! Buy one for yourself if you think you need it! But please do not buy one for a relative, friend, co-worker etc... What that says is that you do not think that they are living up to YOUR expectations!