I heard this real story from a mouth of a young married lady from China. She came to the U.S. with her husband who attends art school in San Francisco. This young couples are new in country and they desperately find ways to learn English by any chances. After being in the U.S. for six months the lady met an American guy who is a teller at her bank. This American guy had a serious crash on her. He invited her to play tennis and sightseeing and sometimes having lunch in Chinese restaurant. He voluntary became her English teacher, calling her almost everyday "chatting to help". 

The lady did not reject the guy's invitations nor phone calls because she doesn't mind having a free tutor who is a native English speaker. And the most important thing is she got her husband's approval to have this "tutoring pal". She specially purchased a tennis racket to practice tennis with the guy every week or two, as well as practice her hearing and vocal skills of English. 

She has already sensed the guy was interested in her and she enjoyed the feeling of being going after by a good looking white man. She carefully kept a distance with the guy as making him think that it is the culture differences and language barriers that make this Chinese woman doesn't understand what he really wants. She could always pretend she doesn't understand what he said to her and gave him an innocent and confused look, without really provided the guy enough information about her true self. She even told her husband about what kind of games she was playing to this guy and both she and her husband think this American guy is a fool. How can this American guy not knowing that she "just want to be his friend" truly means "I have committed to other person already"? The husband was trusted his smart wife so he allowed his wife to continue enjoying her flatter feeling of being after by this poor American man.

Two months later the American guy asked her out for dinner. He brought her an expensive present and asked her to be his girlfriend, the type of girlfriend who might consider a long term commitment in the future. He explained to her that he is a monogamous person. At this moment, she realized that she got herself a hot potato.

Of course, she had to break this poor American guy's heart by finally admitting that she is a married woman. "How can he be such an idiot not sensing me that I have committed to someone so I can ONLY be his ordinary friend? Are American men all that stupid?" She asked me, after completed describing the story about her so-called first romantic experience in the U.S .

"Because you never really told him you are married!" I said, almost told this Chinese woman to "Go back to your country!" "But I've very clearly stated that I just want to be his friend.", she argued. "Beside, he never asked me if I'm married so why should I told him myself? Aren't most American people respect other's privacy than we Chinese do?"

"Hey young lady, if you want to get yourself a "Plato" you might just go to Castro and find yourself a gay man to be your REAL best friend." I really can't help to speak out loud to her: "You should feel extremely lucky that this guy did not whack you with his tennis racket. You really don't know what type of people around you in this country so you better be careful next time when you want to take advantage of getting free English lectures from a pure American guy.  What you have done to him were too dishonest that downgrades and destroys images of all Asian women in this country! Including mine!"

Yes. I am angry hearing a story like that. Therefore, I decided to provide some tips to men who are interested in Chinese women but have never dated any before (if the above story still hasn't freaking you out.....). There are some common causes making American men wrongfully misinterpret an immigrant woman in terms of defining the real meaning of "friendship". I am Chinese so I only limit to share what I know about Chinese women. These are what you want to know before you really throw yourself to a Chinese woman who you found attractive to you:

• Most of the time you can't really tell her martial status by seeing if she wears a wedding ring. As I known, most Chinese women from China don't wear wedding or engagement rings. Woman from Taiwan might do. (I have mine but I hardly wear it. See!) In fact, most immigrant Chinese in America are careful and avoid wearing valuable rings or jewelry due to afraid of getting rob on street.

• Not so sure if she is married or already has a decent boyfriend? Then ask her directly. If she only wants to get laid she will not lie to you; If she wants to use you as a "language tool" then she might not tell you a clear "yes" or "no", instead, she would emphasize to you on "let's just being friends". Then be aware of this kind of indirect responds, because she doesn't technically tell lies but she is probably hiding something, such as has already committed to someone else; Or maybe she isn't really interested in you but don't mind having you as a normal, no string attach kind of friend.

If she is totally not interested in you she will either immediately tell you she is married or has committed to someone; or will lie to you saying she already has a boyfriend. Not all Chinese women like to be in trouble as the above married young lady. When her attitude is very certain then chances are she might only be interested in Chinese or Asian men.

• If you are not tutoring English for living, then never start your relationship with "Practicing English" as being her private tutor. It might really hurt you when you find out she really treats you as a "very nice American friend" and of course a free E.T. --English teacher. Just think of this: She can always go to adult school if she just want to learn English.

• If her English is really bad and you have trouble understand most of her words, there are always signs telling you whether or not she is committed. Such as the way she talks on her cell to certain incoming caller; the way she treats other male companion; If you find her addicted to checking and sending Chinese text messages over her BlackBerry, there must be someone who she really cares, other than her Mom. Some women came to the U.S. with complicated stories that they might not want you to know. It is always safe observing her in a distance.

• You don't want to freak her out in the first place, but do find a chance to tell her that you are serious about developing a healthy and steady relationship with her sometimes in the future. It is always necessary getting a correct message from a woman in the early place so you do not end up being just an E.T. for a Chinese woman. A sincere and positive attitude always win one's heart, even if she says no to you in the beginning, you still win her fully respect by being a great honest gentleman. Then both of you get to have a chance keep in touch and who knows, maybe one day you found both are actually a perfect match.

Woman who tends to play games in relationships actually afraid of getting herself a monogamous guy because he wants a commitment but she hates that. Define your goal and let the woman knows what type of person you are will also help you eliminate the woman who is not suitable to you. 

Native Chinese women living in America tend to compare the qualities between    Chinese and American men, in aspects toward culture and custom. There is no need to be frustrated when you find out she only likes Chinese or Asian. There are still lots of Chinese women in the U.S. appreciate the qualities of American men and they enjoy learning and adopting American culture. Moreover, Chinese women who love American men will certainly release her messages of her special interests. They will also put themselves into the environment that provides possible access and chances to meet American men.

Language and culture differences often make cross-cultural relationships challenge and difficult to handle. Depends upon the time she stays in the U.S., as well as her basic knowledge and understanding of American culture, some women happened to learn and pick up the rule of game really fast and well. This will make you easier to understand her and avoid receiving too many wrongful messages that will cause a serious heart breaking in the future.

Good luck!