Field report- June 13, 2009

In preparation for meeting Angela, I listened to recordings from two master "pick up artists" for the few hours leading up to our date. One PUA, Mehow, is good with banter and building attraction fast, and the other, Hypnotica, is good with what is known in the pick-up world as inner game (One’s attitudes about oneself and how that is then projected to the world). Now, the term pick-up artist certainly conjures up negative notions, but while the lessons from these gurus can be used with the intent of getting one night stands, they more often than not are put to use by normal fellas looking to meet a nice young lady for more than just a quick “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.” I personally consider myself of the latter group.

After listening to one of the inner game guru’s hypnosis inducing, inner game boosting audios right before the date, I was in a pretty good state of mind and was ready to get my date on. I was going to meet Angela for the first time at a restaurant in Monterey Park called Boiling Point. We had been emailing back and forth for weeks on a very well known dating website, and tonight was the night we were finally going to meet. Online and via text messaging, the banter had been good, so I thought that if nothing else we wouldn’t be bored and we could make fun of each other.

In truth, dating isn’t all that fun for me, but I think that’s because I’m more of a monogamous type of guy. I’m not okay with leading girls on, so when I date, if I know I’m not interested, I don’t string girls along just to satisfy my primal urges (unless the feelings mutual;). So this then leaves me spending money and time online talking with girls for hours via email, chat or the phone, even though it often won’t go anywhere beyond a meeting or a short fling. This is time and money consuming, though it is also good for practicing the art of courting, which, let me tell you, ain’t easy. Fellas , can I get an amen….

Aside from an incident that never came through (see post to follow, The Big Flake), this was going to be my fourth date (live, you know, with a real girl!) from the website in the last two months since signing up. The first two girls didn’t look exactly like their pictures, and while I don’t approve of my semi-shallowness, attraction is attraction, and I can’t pretend like it doesn’t matter. Also, it's an honesty thing right? How honest are these girls if they're putting up bad inaccurate pics? That being said, there was also something else about the girls that didn’t really please me, though I won’t go into detail. Date number three was decent, but I didn’t feel a strong bond created between us. I think the girl was a bit shy, and I didn’t do enough to make her feel comfortable, including getting her comfortable with my touch. I also volunteered too much information about unsolicited topics in an attempt at letting her see my caring side (A side note to this- When you catch yourself feeling like you might be rambling, you’re rambling). While it is important to let a girl see your caring side, it has to come up naturally (Or at least she has to think its natural). Also, while this was a dinner meet-up, it shouldn’t be if you don’t have excesses of money, like I don’t. Coffee and a quick stop in a fun store (magic, book, toy store) or grocery store within walking distance is sufficient. It’s important to go to multiple locations, as it creates a bit of a time warp, making her feel like you’ve known each other longer than you really have.

Dating is a funny thing, as society has definitely made it a guy’s job to make a girl feel comfortable with his touch, humor, personality, and sexuality. The faster this is done, the higher your success rate will be in giving a woman the opportunity to truly get to know you. If you let a woman think you’re insecure or uncomfortable in your skin, even if it truly isn’t who you are, she will move on, and often to the outgoing obnoxious guy who will treat her poorly. That being said, while this girl didn’t particularly catch my interest, I didn’t give the shy girl the opportunity to get to know me better because I didn’t make her comfortable.

Now, I consider myself an attractive dude, and now, I’m pretty good at creating attraction with women beyond my appearance, but the story was much different before I learned some of the "secrets of attraction." Before I learned these things, whenever I was with women who I didn’t already know, I felt a bit uncomfortable, as if I was supposed to treat them the way I did when introduced to one of my mom’s friends. On the other hand, now, while nowhere near perfect, I am much better at expressing my natural personality, which is one part fun, two parts humorous, one part intellectual, one part caring, and one part obnoxious. I’ve gotten a lot better at expressing my true personality faster, which is often attractive to a good amount of women, though I’ve by no means mastered this. The good thing about dating so many girls within a short time period is that it’s a lot like practicing an instrument. The more you do it, the better you get.

7:33 came as I walked in to the restaurant that’s best known for a dish I’d never tried before called “stinky tofu.” Angela was sitting at the second table in the tightly packed, small restaurant, smiling as I walked over to her. She looked a lot like her pictures, but of course, with a few “nuances” that only a close up picture would show. No problem. Following a well known pick-up artist technique, I gave her a hug when I saw her, initiating the first of what should be many non-creepy kinesthetic moves to build comfort and a physical bond with the woman.

Angela and I started talking about various subjects, working off of things we had talked about on the phone and email, as well as things related to the food we were eating, and travelling in the region where the food came from. The conversation was good, but I wasn’t feeling a lot of magic, which might have been because I learned that she was a smoker, and not just of the tobacco variety. This was a pretty big turn off.

When I ordered the food, the nice waiter looked very concerned when I ordered the stinky tofu, as I was the only non-Asian person in the restaurant, and asked me if I was sure I wanted it. I told him I was sure, so he reluctantly wrote it down while voicing his hopes of me liking it. The stinky tofu was decent tasting and quite stinky, reminding me of the smells wafting around a night market I had just visited in Taiwan, but the rest of the food in the fire-heated bowl was very good.

We finished eating, and after, we looked on her iphone for bars in the area to grab a drink. We decided on a swanky bar at the Ramada Inn a mile away, and followed each other in our cars (By the way guys, never offer to pick a girl up at her place. This isn’t the good old days anymore, so girls don’t feel comfortable with random guys knowing where they live). The bar had outdoor seating with a large, open-air fireplace in the center, and ambient music playing in the background, all of which created a chic, seductive mood. The conversation went as well as before, but I didn’t try to escalate anything because I wasn’t too interested in her, not to mention I was talking to three other girls on the website, one of which I had a date set up for two days later.

We finished the date with no empty promises of meeting again. I actually liked her a bit, so I might see her again if she pushes the issue, but I don’t mind if she doesn’t. When all is said and done, even if she and I don’t ever see each other again, it was a nicer evening than being at home watching TV, and I got to try a food I’d never eaten before. So while this date, like most, doesn’t look like it is leading to me finding “the one,” I had a lot of fun (and good food) because I wasn’t taking it too seriously and viewed it as a chance for a good time and to improve my social skills. Good luck hunters!