So last time I presented an argument that online video games were breeding grounds for new cultures. But why do people really stay? Most of them don’t even realize until much later that they’re part of a community they helped build. What’s the big draw anyways? And at what point does it become an addiction? I know that question is on the minds of those people who live with the hardcore gamers. I feel I can speak on this subject having been an addict myself.

A lot of people will say that gamers are addicted when they actually aren't. There's a difference between people who just like to play a lot to someone who's completely obsessed. Basically it becomes an addiction when it's all they can think about and they begin to loose all interest in the things they should be doing (i.e. working to pay the bills, going to school to earn a degree, etc.). If you notice that they're going without meals or skipping work/school just to play then you may have an addict on your hands.

But how do addictions start? People try new things so they can break out of the day-to-day, mundane activities. That’s what first draws us to that book on shelf, that ocean-liner cruise vacation, that sports car. The same is true when we pick up a new video game. This is what makes people play a game in the first place. Why we stay is an entirely different matter. So you hand over the $15 a month and end up playing the same game for a year or more.

Well one idea is that their personal habits don’t coincide with their physical surroundings. What I mean by this is that say Gamer 1 prefers to stay up late while everyone around him goes to bed at 9pm. So instead of being bored and lonely he moves into the online community where he can find people who stay up at the same hours. Or even the possibility that you hate your neighbors/roommates. You wave and smile when you need but you don't want anything else to do with them. You are in a community of your choosing with people you actually like.

But there’s another thing that contributes to the urge far more than what I just mentioned. They’re getting something there that they’re not getting in their real lives.

Now I bet 90% of you immediately jumped to the inability to socialize with actual people, but this isn’t really the case. The stereotypical reason is that gamers are socially inept. A few years ago the typical “image” people had for a passionate gamer would be an overweight, anti-social, 40-year-old man who still lived in his mother’s basement. His bed sheets would still be of Star Wars or Star Trek and he would visit sci-fi conventions on weekends. Or they would be 12-year-old boys with nothing better to do except become e-thugs. Though some people haven’t broken out of this mental image, the diversity of people who carry the title “gamer” has expanded greatly. Of course interacting with the community is important but it’s not what makes someone continue playing.

For me when I started playing more than 3 years ago, it was for praise. Yes it may sound sad but I was not getting the attention I needed for my accomplishments from my family or friends. They were indifferent to my straight A’s and other endeavors. I started playing Warcraft just for something to do with my brother. After awhile someone said "Hey you're pretty good." That was enough to hook me. That turned into "Hey you're great" and "Wow you're awesome!!" and finally "You're one of the best players I've ever seen!" That made me feel good enough to keep shelling out my $15 a month and keep playing, so I could be praised and respected. Because the game is mostly social, you develop friendships which are equally as important. But as soon as I started getting recognition outside of the game (What I NEEDED but wasn't getting) I slowly began to pull away until I finally quit. The only time I go back now is to talk to friends (I don't have my account anymore, but several people trusted me enough to share their account information- some even offered to take up payments for my account to keep me playing)

So how to break it? You could do the immediate answer and just delete their characters but I guarantee that they will hate and resent you for it. Some people suddenly “wake up,” meaning that they look at how much they’ve been playing and what their social life has become and just quit/cut back on their own.

But the key is to try to figure out what they are missing in their real lives. Are they not receiving enough positive attention? Are they being bothered too much and want a chance to relax in quiet? Does the game provide them with a sense of accomplishment that is absent in other places? Could they just not have enough to do and try to do something to occupy the long hours? Once you can find that out then you can take steps to change addictions or at least understanding them.

Or you can wait until some drama within the game blows up and they just get fed up with playing. That always works too.