Education - Why Are We Pushing Our Kids So Hard?
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Will getting good grades set your kids up for living a good life?
Or are the keys to health, wealth and happiness being lost in the pressure to "make it" in the college admissions race?
It's incredibly hard work to get good grades in school.
No, really. We all look back at school through rose-colored spectacles, and remember the fun we had with our friends, or how nice it was not to have a mortgage and a car payment. We forget the grinding pressure to perform.
My 12-year-old twins had five assignments due in a two-week period, recently, and what the household went through to get all those assignments completed was like running a marathon! We had scheduling rosters for computer time, meals planned around the times when the dining table would be covered in cardboard, and a couple of late night pushes to get the finishing touches put on them.
And these kids are only twelve!
The pressure mounts, year by year, until they are doing several hours a night of assignments and study. Some of the curriculum content is of questionable value (and I am being generous when I say "some", here) - I doubt that they will find much of it useful for earning money, developing relationships, or remaining healthy throughout their lives, for example.
However, you have to do what the school system says you have to do, because that's the only way to get to college. And college is the only way to get a professional job or occupation. And a professional job or occupation is the only way to ... what, exactly?
Why are we pressing our kids so hard in academia?
Once upon a time, a good job was your passport to a good life. Study hard, get a good education, get a good job, and you were set.
These days, that guarantee no longer exists.
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Yet, the school system is still completely geared around turning out good employees. Competition in the school system is getting tougher and tougher, but the rewards for academic success are less and less secure.
Increasingly, people following the traditional path to success through paid employment are being expected to sacrifice other aspects of their lives - their relationships, their health, and their spirituality, just to name a few - in order to secure an income.
We are pushing that attitude onto kids at younger and younger ages. College students, to offset the enormous cost of college, are working multiple jobs as well as studying. There is no longer any time for students to linger over philosophical discussions in coffee shops. These days, they are all waiting the tables, instead!
High school students aiming to get in to the best colleges are not only cramming for exams, they are also cramming in extracurricular activities, part-time jobs, volunteer work, and anything else which might boost them up in the college admissions stakes.
We are moving more and more to a Japanese-style model, where the performance pressure begins at the level of gaining admission to the right pre-school, and intensifies from there.
And this whole dehumanising juggernaut is built on the basis of this old assumption - get a good education, get a good job, and you will be set for life. It is worth all that sacrifice in the early years to secure your future.
Hello, everyone, wake up!
There is no secure future at the end of this rainbow.
Paid employment is no longer a ticket to permanent health benefits, paid holidays and retirement benefits. Paid employment these days can only ever be regarded as a temporary stop-gap solution to the problem of establishing a secure income.
Instead of running our kids ragged on this treadmill to nowhere, we should be focusing on teaching them the life skills they really need.
To be healthy, wealthy and happy, all our kids really need to know is:
- how to take care of their physical, mental and emotional health
- how to make, save and invest money
- how to communicate and manage relationships
- how to go and look up information about everything else that might interest them
Doesn't that sound like a much more humane curriculum than the one we are currently trying to drive our kids through? And one with a much greater likelihood of having their lives turn out?
OK, so we are somewhat stuck with our current schooling system, but on the bright side, kids will usually come out of the current system with the fourth piece of the puzzle - the ability to look up information. And schools do an OK job of educating kids about some physical health issues, like good nutrition and exercise habits, and the dangers of smoking.
As for the rest of it? That's up to us, the parents.
Despite the mad, crazy round of other demands on our time, we owe it to our kids to make sure they get all four keystones in place before they leave home. If you need to drop piano lessons, or dancing, or softball, for a couple of years, maybe that's worth doing, if it frees up the time to cover the things that are really important. We all want to know we are raising our kids to be healthy, wealthy, and, most importantly, happy, for the rest of their lives. And that won't happen without a plan.
Photos: carf
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Comments
Excellent and so true, the part that I don't like is that a lot of it is nonsensical and they are not being taught to think for themselves rather they are taught to do as they are told.
Donna
The worst are parents who haven't fulfilled their own personal dreams about any particular profession, and now they are pushing their kids/victims to fulfill the same old goals for them...
There is a real cultural drift towards putting kids on the treadmill earlier and earlier, though, regardless of whether they have "pushy" parents. I think we have lost sight of the purpose of education - to prepare kids to have a life!
I agree, Jenny! In Texas, they "teach for Taks" so they're pushed hard without even learning anything. That makes a lot of sense, right? I'm enrolling my younger son in a college preparatory school for 4th grade next year because their focus is more on learning and not "busy work." I also like the fact that part of their curriculum is that the kids have to have 60 hours of charity work before graduation. The headmaster said they are shaping good people, not just kids who can make the grade.
tiff
Every where the situation of young students are same. So many stresses they are facing when their time to play and understand the world by self learning process!
Why such situation we parents are allowing is the main thing for me! When my young boy told me that I dont want to go to school because I am not interested in this parrot speaking kind of formal education!
Then I decided to allow him to do other like minded thing as a self learning process!
Well, at thatr time he had already done his 10th standard but then he was not ready to do 11 & 12. So I allowed him to give up the formal education and learned drawing by himself and private tutions as well as learn 3 D Animation at later stage and now doing good things!
I mean by putting this example that we parent also have to think about other alternatives! I also think that this kind of education will not lead the new age generation and again they will find out them in a different kind of learnings!
Let us hope new innovative things will be achieved by this new generation!
I agree completely. University enrollment is declining, especially for young men. If you want to be sure your kids have a well balanced education, do two things: 1. encourage them to read on a wide variety of topics and 2. show them how to find information they need. It is impossible to memorize everything - history changes, science changes, new advancements come and go...so rather than dealing with a lot of "facts" far better to be well versed in information research.
As always, love your posts!
Barbara
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments. Sometimes you can have a nagging sense that something isn't right, but I am really pleased to hear that so many parents are doing something about it when it comes to their own kids.
This is much needed Jenny.
I did not finalize my thoughts on this issue yet, but - surprise - I'm pretty much with you on this.
My older son was brought up in this traditional way, and he still continues with his phd being already absolutely self-sufficient in terms of income. He does not seem to really like doing his phd, but he pushes himself hard, and his mother probably pushes him even harder.
I am not going to repeat this with my younger kids and, while I'm not so radical as Healthwell, my younger son attends Montessori school, and his sister will definitely follow. Montessori is the closest match we were able to find to common sense education.
To tell you the truth I tend to think that problems with education started with outsourcing it to the state. And state does not have any interest in bringing up bright and self-sufficient people who think for themselves. State needs people who are easily controllable, sort of "brick in the wall". Citizens are to obey the laws, pay arbitrary taxes, and to die for the state when being ordered, without asking tough questions... Those are ideal citizens for *any* state...
So, public education is perfect - on its own terms. It perfectly does what it was designed to do...
A lot of private education teaches conformity even better than public education, because private schools can more easily weed out individual teachers who might challenge the social norms.
Sure, a lot of private schools just emulate what public ones are doing - and do that more efficiently - they are chraging for that, right? :D
Indeed.
And I think it was Stephen Covey who pointed out that there is no point climbing the ladder more efficiently, if the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall ...
We are doing this on a daily basis I think. At least I myself catch myself trying to improve pointless things pretty often :D
Excellent article Jenny! I agree with everything. The thing that has always bugged me about the traditional school system (and I was raised in NSW, Australia) is the propaganda perpetuated by the school board that you need a University edcuation if you want to do anything good with your life. It's simply not true and adds horrible pressure to the kids who are not naturally academic.
I was gifted academically but could not stand the prison like metality of the school system and so I never pursued a College or University education. I educated myself and traveled the world and now am a Professional Photographer just about to teach my first instructional workshop.
There are so many opportunities for great jobs or to work for yourself that do not require conventional education. I think children need to be told this. You don't have to kill youself trying to obtain marks for a career you don't really want. This is not what success means in my book.
Many people love University, many people hate it. Both are okay and neither attitude will ensure success or failure in today's business world.
Great writing as always! Thumbs up. :)
You're right, RFox, and I would say that encouraging kids to rely on employers for their financial security is simply irresponsible in this day and age. We need to teach our kids to find their own strengths, their own ways to provide valuable service to others, and their own purpose in life. Somethihng more fulfilling than "going a good job and getting a raise" ...
I agree, Amen, and yes! I couldn't agree with you more...now instead of the adults 'keeping up with the Jones's', it's the adults pushing their kids to keep up with the Jones's kids!
What really matters? Friendships. Morals (not moral judgment), and knowing that God is in control.
Thank you,
Right on!
PAtty
Many times kids graduate and go into the world with few working skills. I'm almost at the point of converting my former "go to colleve" to "get a skill, go to trade or tech school."
Employers still want to know "What can you do?"
I want my kids to be well balanced: A good diet of working; playing; living; resting; talking; thinking; helping others.
I do think we push too much. Amen! thumbs up! thanks for this great hub.
Thanks for the comments - I think it's all about being a human being ... instead of a human doing!
We've sort of put the process ahead of the goals. It's all about being statistically efficient instead being practical. We (i.e. governments) track the numbers/grades, but we don't really seem to care about learning. Perhaps it's time for a new paradigm that takes us away from this rather inflexible system.
What a wonderful and passionate hub. You really mean this! We've done lots of research into different kinds of schooling for our daughter - she's 3 at the moment and attends a Waldorf/Steiner Kindergarten. She'll be moving into the main Steiner school at about 6 and it's the best we've found that isn't into monitoring and assessing and driving kids at every stage of their development. Sure it's not perfect and there are some disadvantages as the school has very little money, however the focus is more on developing people who can think for themselves rather than people who have been thought for. Kind regards, Dan.
Indeed, cjcs, I hope that the current education system is swept away by better alternatives this millennium. Steiner and Montessori schools take a small move in the right direction, but they are still completely bound up in the structure of time, curriculum, and outcomes dictated by the need to produce a large, docile workforce capable of following printed instructions to work in specialised roles in a mass-production economy. The information economy, the internet and other communication revolutions, and a growing awareness of holistic and spiritual approaches to life will ultimately render traditional education obsolete.
Excellent article. Formal education seems to be forced on our kids at such a young age nowadays and sometimes I feel they are losing out on the chance to play more. If children are allowed to play and interact with each other then they vastly improve their social skills which has to better in the long run.
I wish there was more "flexibility" in the educational system (speaking based on my knowledge of the UK system) so that when a childs interests are idenitfied they are then encouraged to pursue those interests as far as possible...rather than the "rigid" curriculumn that is being more and more imposed.
You're right, Mark - education is designed on a mass scale, not an individual one. That is more efficient, if you can keep everyone doing the same thing - not ideal for any individual, but cheaper to run and easier to organise.
Personalised education requires personalised educators, and we have too much of our adult population tied up in earning their own incomes to allocate one adult per 3-6 kids for education.
You said it all so well.I admire your gift.
Interesting article. Especially what you said about the Japanese model. I have friends who taught there and said that the Japanese were not taught to think independently, except in a few of the more priviliged schools. I can't vouch for that myself, but I have taught in both Thailand and in Indonesia and in both those countries it was very difficult to get students to discuss topics or venture an opinion. In the local schools in Indonesia in particular learning consisted of doing practice tests and rote learning the answers to a stock of tests - and the effect of this was very noticable when you tried to apply a more communicative method of teaching with these same students.
I have friends who have taught in China, and they report a similar experience. At least education in the West teaches some independent thinking, even though it may still be "climbing a ladder that is leaning against the wrong wall".
"A human being instead of a human doing"- this will stick with me forever. Thanks.
I am dealing with this subject in so many ways presently. All of my kids are in college or hitting college age and I'm really becoming frustrated with the whole process. I always pushed my kids to attend college for security and better job prospects, not to mention the joy of learning and the experience.
Now with the high cost of college, the low quality of education, and the crime and dangers on college campuses, I'm not so sure the argument holds up any more.
With that said, I also have taught my kids to get a job that makes them happy, even if that is flipping burgers. I really worry about today's generation. They definitely have a tough row to hoe.
Angela, being an employee is a very limited approach to earning an income, but unfortunately it is all that most people know.
A "portfolio" career is a much more realistic expectation in this day and age, where the individual pieces together employment, self-employment, and business activities at various times and in different ways throughout their working life.
It is very difficult for most people to be happy in a standard job - whether it's flipping burgers on Main St or flipping shares on Wall St! We need a paradigm shift.
"EXCELLENT" Hub InspireHub,
This is an issue that has disturbed me personally for quite for a few years, as I see the children of family and friends being literally traumatized by the contemporary state of education - either the lack of it, or the over-obsessive attention to "making the grade".
Thanks for taking the time to bring this important concern to light.
Thanks, Evolving1, glad you enjoyed it.
Great hub and interesting comments too. I think we are dealing with a 19th century educational model,developed during the industrial revoluition. The model just doesn't work for the information age and your "portfolio career" concept is right on.
I think you're right, Robie2. Here's hoping we come up with something better in the near future, rather than waiting another 100 years.
I think that teachers are making the mistake of giving too many assignments, and they think that a high volume work load is going to help them intellectually. I believe you can challenge the minds of our youth WITHOUT giving them a ton of busy work.
I agree with you Lady Luck. What they learn at school should be able to do covered in six hours. The problem is that when we cram a large number of kids together as we do in schools, we create other problems, like discipline issues and bullying, which make the kids less productive.
Thank you! This is very true. Even with a PhD in physics and PostDoc work from major, prestigious universities, you cannot be sure that you will get a good job (Ask around--do not believe what you think you know.) With a BA from a major university and good grades, my daughter found that she could get a job at Starbucks, or as an office slave using, mostly, her computer skills. She decided to get a Masters, which required free, or nearly free labor as part of the process (multiple internships), and took three years. She enjoys her job now, and would not have chosen a different course, but she emphasizes that college is not for everyone and does not, necessarily offer the kind of advantage it once did. What is important?
maturity
simple literacy
dependability
humor (not sarcasm)
respect for self and others
kindness
computer literacy
flexibility
organization
time management
curiousity
critical thinking
basic math
logical thinking
discussion skills (courtesy, active listening, staying on topic, ability to respectfully disagree)
Thanks for that list, bluerabbit - very true!
We need to start thinking about education from the top-down. By that I mean we need to get more people involved in the education discussion; not just academia; not just the politicians; not just corporate America; we need people who have lived beyond college and high school to contribute their thoughts, too, on what education should be. You've done that well! Now if everybody would just put in their input, too, we'd have a great education system. I'm both a teacher and a parent, and everything you said is exactly on the mark.
Oh, thanks so much Dave - sometimes I worry that teachers might feel I am criticising them, bt its really a much broader issue than that. I'm glad you feel the same way - hopefully many other teachers and parents also feel this way, and maybe sometime soon we can get a wider public debate going about it.
dlhoh says:
2 years ago
Thank you for such a wonderful and thought-provoking article.