Educational Toys to prepare your kids for their awful future.

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By funnebone

Toys for your child to learn his place in society

This is a Toy Buying guide aimed at preparing children for the ugly future they are facing. Barbie, Lawn Darts and Sit and Spin did nothing except teach kids to have unattainable dreams, impale each other and learn sexual positions. HMO's destroyed the dream of being a doctor, Al Sharpton is taking away the fun of being a policeman and if your child wants to become president you may as well schedule the exorscism now. Gas is too expensive, taxes are through the roof and even water isn't free. Here are some toys and play things that will better able your child to cope with the coming resession.



Lego : Let them dream while they choke

Legos don't taste good but they allow the child to improve coordination, learn building skills and they can be cleaned up with a vacuum. Lego offers many themed packages that will enable your child to become comfortable in his future employment. The Lego service station will allow him or her to get experience with the layout and operation of a gas station. This will afford him some talking points when interviewing with Habarrah for the midnight shift.

The Prison Transport may prove to have dual benifits. The first being a opportunity to explore law enforcement as a potential career but without the hassles of reviwe boards and civil lawsuits. Once someone is a prisoner nobody really cares what happens to them so it is like a free pass to beat them on the way to jail. Your child can act out various attempts to escape or even some scenerios of discipline that may happen when a prisoner gets out of line. Also this playset affords the child the tools to learn what it takes to break away from said officials and how to construct get away plan.



Train them to be drive thru shift supervisor

With the proper exposure, your child can walk into an fast food restaraunt and be promoted to drive through kingpin within weeks. Playskool makes great playsets that will have her asking ' would you like to supersize that" before she says " who's my daddy?" Your future window number 1er can familiarize herself with the layout of the restaraunt and learning the best place to hide from angry customers when the fryer goes down.


Remember: Firearms are your friend

When gas reaches $10 a gallon, water is in short supply and the tainted vaccinations have spawned a mutant army, you child better be prepared to join the militia. Get him comfortable with guns now while they are still cute...the guns not the kids, by letting him shoot his sister with an Airsoft gun. Just its name Air ( implying pure, comforting and natural) and Soft ( like toilet paper or erectile dysfunction) makes you feel warm inside. It will be an easy jump to go from shooting the dog with foam pellets to shooting the homeless man picking from your garden.

Get them educated in the real world

Teaching your child some basic skills that are not taught in school is essential to his/her preperation.

Survive Prison

How to run their own stripper business

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Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove  says:
3 months ago

I am so glad I'm not raising little ones.  If I were, I'd be really, really tempted to follow the advice in your buying guide.

funnebone profile image

funnebone  says:
3 months ago

I am glad I don't have any kids...not because of this guide or the future, I just don't want to have to explain algebra again

donnaleemason profile image

donnaleemason  says:
3 months ago

vaccinations have spawned a mutant army, That I didn't find so amusing, but then, I have a mutant army.

Donna

funnebone profile image

funnebone  says:
3 months ago

Donna you of all people know what these vacinations are doing

Blogger Mom profile image

Blogger Mom  says:
3 months ago

Too funny!

Mind-ing for Gold profile image

Mind-ing for Gold  says:
3 months ago

Thanks funnebone - my hope for our future and my two mutant teenagers has been restored...

amy jane profile image

amy jane  says:
3 months ago

Oh, funnebone! What wonderful suggestions. Thanks for the laugh. :) Ugh -the vaccination issue...causes so much harm, in the name of good health and confuses the heck out of moms trying to do the best thing for their children. Money and lies.

kerryg profile image

kerryg  says:
3 months ago

~snickers~ Thanks for the laugh!

RainbowRecognizer profile image

RainbowRecognizer  says:
3 months ago

Definitely comical!

Misha profile image

Misha  says:
3 months ago

Funny one :)On a side note - you have four links to the same domain here. Sooner or later this will get Maddie's attention ;)

funnebone profile image

funnebone  says:
3 months ago

they are trackers through clickbank

Misha profile image

Misha  says:
3 months ago

I don't think it matters. They are still links to the same domain - and policy clearly states only two per hub are allowed. I'm not flagging or reporting, and I'm not going to argue - I'm just paying your attention to this. If you fix this, you avoid nasty surprises in the future... :)

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank  says:
3 months ago


Funny stuff, 'bone.

I'll be looking for your stuff. Hope you'll take a look at mine.

stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68  says:
3 months ago

Hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

2patricias profile image

2patricias  says:
3 months ago

My most recent toy purchase was a jigsaw puzzle of a pirate ship. The box listed things that you could teach while playing, and the final item was "Teach your children pirate phrases, such as 'Avast there me hearties' and 'yo ho ho'. "

Oh dear - what lies in the future for my kids???

jim10 profile image

jim10  says:
3 months ago

My boys love Legos and Nerf guns hopefully that will help. I will try teaching them the value of the dollar by sending them to work.

funnebone profile image

funnebone  says:
3 months ago

2pattys, piracy is common in africa and harjacking is just a modern version, let the kids practice how to reove someone from a seatbelt in 30 sec's.

Jim, that is a good start but the dollar will have no value, you should make smeltering gold a family affair.

C.S.Alexis profile image

C.S.Alexis  says:
3 months ago

This hub was awesome, I like your satire, great stuff please keep them coming!

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