There is no denying the fact that children lie. This is one of the many aspects of growing up. While your child continues to grow older he will continually want to test the limit of various things and this will often require you to set and define boundaries.

Lying is something that your child could experiment with, and in case you catch your child lying, make sure that you do not over react.

Children as young as 4 year olds can start to lie, and 5 years old is generally when children begin to dabble in lies. Lying doesn’t necessarily indicate the onset of a major problem; unless it gets to be habitual and compulsive. As long as this is not the case, your child should be just fine.

You should also know that certain children tend to indulge in lying more than others. Chances of a child lying increase considerably when a child witnesses people around him lying without care. Your child will also lie if he thinks it can help him avoid getting into trouble. Personality traits also play a role in a child’s lying pattern.

You should make an effort and explain to your child that lying only harms those who lie.

As a parent, you probably already know that chronic liars and habitual liars often suffer from low esteem. If your child is a habitual liar, there is a good possibility that he will run into trouble at school as well as with his friends. Lying is often the cause of rifts in families and a child who persistently lies, stands to lose the people that matter the most to him.

A child that is very young might lie because he still can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction. Your young child could be making up inconsequential lies without any reason. He could also be lying simply because he doesn’t know what he is actually supposed to be saying. This is very common.

A child that is about 5 - 6 years old has a better understanding of fact and fiction. When your child gets to this stage he starts to develop a conscience and he also starts to recognize that there are types of behavior that you do not find appropriate. This is also the stage when your child starts to feel guilty if he does something that he knows is wrong. When your child is this old he might lie to avoid being punished or to avoid disapproval.

When your child is 7 - 8 years old, he identifies between fact and fiction, and he’s mostly truthful. At this stage your child lies in order to avoid being punished, or to get out of doing something that he doesn’t like.

This is the stage when he understands the logic behind ‘white’ lies; lies that are used to avoid hurting people’s sentiments. But you should be wary if your child is lying at this stage because it could be a cry for help.

Children this old, when overwhelmed by something or fearful of something, can take to lying as a means to deal with the problem at hand.

Lying can get to be more of a problem when a child enters adolescence; but it doesn’t necessarily spell trouble. Lying at this stage could be your teen’s way of establishing his independence or for protecting his privacy. He might also lie in situations that he thinks are ok; this could include lying to help a friend, to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or to avoid embarrassment.

This is also the stage when your teenager will lie to avoid helping around the home, or to avoid situations that he wishes to stay away from.

Lying is something that can be prevented and your role as a parent demands that you be a good role model to your children. This is the basis of any effective parenting technique.

Given below is a list of things that you can do in order to help lying children refrain from lying:

§ Always be truthful. This includes refraining from telling ‘white’ lies.

§ Your child is never to be lied to.

§ Do not break promises. If you might not be able to keep a promise, don’t make one.

§ Home is a place where the value of honesty should always be stressed upon.

§ Teach your child to value truthfulness.

§ Show your child that lying has alternatives.

§ Tell your child that no excuse can be acceptable for lying.

§ At home, create an environment that feels safe, and this should encourage your child to be upfront and honest.

§ Always appreciate your child for being honest, all the more so in circumstances where you know it isn’t easy for him.

§ Trust your child to be truthful.

In instances when you know that your child is lying, you can take measures to prevent the situation from worsening. The following tips should help:

§ Give your child a chance to tell you the truth.

§ Your child’s lying should not be ignored under any circumstance.

§ Spontaneous reactions are best avoided.

§ Associate different consequences to lying and think of these in advance.

§ Hand out separate consequences for the lying and the act that the lie was intended for.

§ Show your child how to fix the damage that has been caused as a result of his lying.

§ Teach him the importance of apologizing.

Refrain from giving him lectures.

Your child’s inconsequential lying can turn into a severe problem. This can be the case if you notice your teenaged child using lies as a means to get attention; if he uses lying to deceive people; if he starts to continually lie in order to get away from the demands made by you, his teachers, or his friends; and if he wants to hide a bigger problem such as being addicted to alcohol or drugs.

If you notice that your teenaged child is starting to develop a pattern of lying incessantly then you should seriously think about seeking professional advice. Consulting a psychologist and getting him to asses the situation that your child is in is recommended at this stage. The psychologist would then suggest a course of action depending on his findings. These can include:

§ Individual Counseling- This is suggested in cases where the lying is in order to get more attention.

§ Family Counseling- This is suggested in cases where family trust has been broken as a result of the lying. It is also suggested in cases where the child has learnt lying from someone within the family.

§ Group Therapy: This is also suggested in cases where children lie in order to get more attention.

§ Assessments for Learning Disabilities: There are instances where children start lying to hide the difficulties that they face in their academics. Assessments for learning disabilities can find out if your child is lying to cover up some form of a learning disability.

Remember that lying is one small aspect of your child’s growing up, and it rarely develops into something big. However, addressing the problem in the early stages will ensure that your child does not develop into a compulsive liar.

If you think that your child is developing a lying problem, exercising your patience is very important. Also important is letting your child know that you’re there for him.

Why do children lie?... for all kinds of reasons. It depends on the age. Parents should not be alarmed, because correcting the problem of your children lying or your teen lying is one of the easiest behaviors to correct.

Lastly, take into consideration that your child has spent quite some time learning the art of fabricating the truth, so part of effective parenting is to not expect him to change his ways overnight. Give him time to make amends and continue to stand by him through the entire process.