My husband suffers with chronic pain and is partially disabled from arthritis in his hips and legs. He still works full-time and is on his feet constantly, limping around the factory floor all day. We looked into retraining programs but no one wants to invest in a man who is nearly 60 years old. As I helped him to get to his chair last night, he started talking about our lives over the years. We were both born in the early 1950's, five months apart, and married each other in the 1970's. Our conversation is what inspired me to write this hub. It is how we have treated each other --- and ourselves --- over the course of our marriage. So here is our opinion for the secrets of a thriving marriage.

• Put your husband or wife first in your life. Make time for each other every day. This is the most important step to having a thriving marriage. Occasionally, surprise each other with a small gift or card just to say, "I love you". I will sometimes slip a small note in his lunch bag. When we first married, my husband could only afford a 25 cent carnation but I was thrilled that he had thought of me.
  
• Accept your in-laws as part of your own family. After all, they raised your mate, who is the person you love. Your inner circle has now expanded to include your loved one's family. Extend invitations to your in-laws on a regular basis. Although people claim that times have changed, the fact still remains that the woman is the center of the family. It is her responsibility to extend invitations and bridge gaps in relationships. A wife who fulfills her social obligations will (hopefully) be rewarded with a loving relationship with her in-laws as well as her husband having a good relationship with her parents.
  
• Enjoy life. Thriving marriages have partners who do things together. It could be going to a sports event, going to the movies, or a picnic in the park. Sometimes your partner may choose an activity in which you are not particularly interested. Go along and enjoy your beloved's company. He or she will probably reciprocate when you really want to go somewhere.  Doing things together is one of those important secrets.  Never stop dating.
  
• Keep developing as an individual. Take a class in something you like or try a hobby. This will keep you interesting to others as well as feeling the joy of accomplishment. Look at the most popular people around you -- do they have the energetic charisma of those who actively participate in life?
• Part of the enjoyment of coming home after work is knowing there will be a delicious dinner. Plan your meals ahead of time. Cook for the work week on Sunday and then label and freeze the meals. Decide what you will have for dinner the night before and put that meal in the refrigerator to start thawing. When both of you get home from work you will only have to put dinner on the stove to reheat while you relax.
• Don't make major decisions without discussing it first. Anything that involves a significant investment of time or money should be resolved privately before making any public commitments.  When you see something that you really want and it is expensive, first decide if you can truly afford it before broaching the subject with your mate.
  
• Realize that every marriage has rough spots. You are two different people so do not expect to always agree with each other. Open communication is absolutely necessary if you are to have a thriving marriage. However, never call each other names because it is something that your spouse will never forget. Someone who degrades his mate is also destroying the marriage.
• Take care of your home. A clean and organized home will help you to feel comfortable and relaxed. It will be inviting when you step through the door. It is difficult to feel romantic when surrounded by chaos. If you don't buy "stuff" that clutters your home, then it will be easy to clean and maintain. 
• Another important secret of a thriving marriage is that both partners should know how much money is earned, where it is invested, and have complete knowledge of all assets. It's fine for some assets to be in only one person's name. In fact, for most of our marriage our cars have been in one name only on the recommendation of our insurance agent. He said that it would protect one-half of the marital assets if there was an accident and a lawsuit.  However, everything that we own (whether jointly or separately) is listed on our own homemade "inventory sheet" and four people have copies of it.
  
• Use cash budgeting and save a portion of every paycheck. You will not have the instant gratification of buying things with a credit card. However, you will not be over your head in debt either. Contrary to what many people believe, it is easy to get a mortgage when one has never had a credit card nor a loan. Submit savings account statements showing regular deposits over the years and utility bills to show an on-time payment history. People with savings in the bank enjoy life much more than people who are in debt and living payday to payday. Think of the arguments that you won't have.
  
• Prepare a will and mutual power of attorney in case one of you should be incapacitated by illness or injury. Your spouse will be able to keep things running smoothly.
  
• Love each other unconditionally. Such love and acceptance will give your partner an inner happiness and confidence that is part of a thriving marriage.

Other couples may have different items on their list of secrets for a thriving marriage.  My husband and I have always lived a simple everyday life and we have found that love, honesty, open communication, and mutual respect has solved every life problem tossed our way. 

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