We can all agree that building healthy relationships, can be challenging. From trying to make everyone happy, to making yourself happy, there sometimes seems that there is no "happy Medium," which will work. However, building a sound and trusting relationship, with another does not mean just being honest and open to others, It  includes being honest with yourself.

When all efforts are typically made to ensure a potential friend or partner, and existing friend and/or partner is content, we all too often look past what is going to satisfy our needs. All too many times, when we place our needs and wishes on the proverbial "back burner", our identities become clouded over and we are soon lost in confusion. Once this occurs we fight like crazy, to find the reason why everything seems so out of focus.

Later on, if there is a "Later On", we find that children are brought into the mixture and that is where a "roller coaster" begins. Losing our identity and ourselves early on by building relationships with our partners, we also have lost who we are in the relationships with our children. Self-Empowerment in your relationship, allows you to take control over the issues, which you have direct impact upon and control over.

 

Children are intelligent and wise "little people." They see past all of the masks and disguised feelings we present to the rest of the world. They are not afraid to blurt out comments or act against those things they do not like or approve of. In their innocence, we introduce the ability to be vocal and honest by way of teaching them morals and the difference between "right and wrong."

During their growing years children will adopt their own opinions and mannerisms, mostly incorporating our good and bad attributes, into their own personality. This includes attributes of quiet sufferance, violent outbursts, rudeness, and most importantly alienation of you, their own parents. By using tools we give them children will "push buttons," which they have learned over a period of their lives, to get what they want. By allowing your child(ren) to see that it is outwardly acceptable to suffer at the hands of others, through our own actions or inactions, we are teaching our child it is okay to become victims.  It is okay, to allow others to over-shadow us, but most importantly we are teaching our kids that we may not have a "voice" in matters and it is normal.

 At the onset of any relationship, we all set "ground-rules" for our new friend and/or partner.  We hold them to boundaries in time, in our privacy, in participation within our family and existing circles of friends.  We let some of those lines of get blurred and over time, the lines get wiped out all together, should the relationship grow. In some instances, we give up our "voice" in matters that really are important to us and then we begin to fade.

By Empowering ourselves to reclaim what we have lost, we take power from those people, in our lives,  whom have taken it away from us.  In some cases,things have gotten so out of control and we have placed ourselves in situations which are abusive. These are times which may require outside intervention, of some sort, to allow us breathing room to take control. This "breathing room" allows time to reflect and act in the vein which will allow us to  Empower ourselves, and take back what was lost.  It "Gives Us Our Voice" and takes control over ourselves, from those whom are abusive and being disrespectful of us a person. 

 From the day we bring a child into this world, we are their primary teacher.  We as adults teach them everything from how to eat, to how to interact with others.  It is this time, they start developing methods of dealing with us, as well.  Depending on the foundation of trust, honesty and respect in the household, the child will develop habits and personality traits which mimic both parents.  If the child witnesses that verbally abusive tactics will work against one parent, they will mimic the actions of the abusive parent because they are the dominant force in the house.

In the reverse, if that abusive parent is met with sound  claims to respect, from the other. Then the child sees that taking a stand is what he/she is going to face should they try to verbally abuse either parent, later on.  Children see even the most slight weaknesses in both parents, and their character. These kids will try to work between lines, they see as being clearly marked out early on, thus establishing a sense of respect for that parent.

A while back, Our youngest daugher was the victim of a sexual attack. She took herself and buried herself in shame and felt her "control" was taken from her. The relationship we built with her, which insisted that she had a voice in everything that happens in her life, was being fully tested. She alienated us, as much as an 8 year old could. That was crushing to both her mother and I, but it affected myself more because I was her dad, a male, the same sex as the person who violated her.

During her childhood, all of our children have been given a voice in what has happened to them. Even in times where they were being punished, or reprimanded we have always allowed them to voice their thoughts on punishments we dealt out. In some cases, due to their vocal stances, we have reduced and increased punishments. But they were given a chance to respectfully state their views. It is Because we continually talked with her, and kept the "You have a voice" and "You Don't Have to Be A Victim" anthems in her ears, she was able to face her attacker, in open court. (Recently we found he got life in prison for his attack on her. So, Now She is a Survivor.)

It is the example of which my daughter has seen all of her life, as well as her mother and I always voicing our opinions and viewpoints openly and honestly, that brought my little girl back to me and back to us.  By being Empowered and using her "voice", she was not only able to survive the incident, but also to be a "True Survivor".  She took something that she viewed as "Beyond her Control" over a grown-up, and found a means to gain control over the situation.

No, I am not a professional counselor. I am a man whom witnessed what being honest, open and giving my daughters and kids a forum where they can have a voice. I am a man who is lucky enough to be loved by a woman, whom through her love is honest and uses her voice. And it is through our relationship, we are able to see that our labors of raising children whom are truly empowered in their lives, has paid off.

There are other's whom may be more qualified to assist in situations, beyond myself. But if you have found yourself in a similar situation where you have lost your "Voice" and want to regain the control over your life, you may wish to consult someone who is more qualified.  However, difficult as it may be, to perceive, you need to empower yourself and your children in their lives.  By doing so, you will probably find what we have found.  Respect from our children, openness with our children, and most importantly love and trust with our children.