English - It's not easy
79English Idiosyncrasies
If you are learning English as a second language and you are confused - you are not alone! For many of us who were born to speak English from the cradle, we are still confused.
It's no wonder really, when you pause to give it some thought. When I actually sat to put down on paper some of the idiosyncrasies of the language, I had to wonder how any of us can keep it straight.
For example, how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the language when your house can burn up as it burns down.
The last time you went to the doctor you likely had to fill in a form by filling it out
I don't want to look at this in the way that will teach anyone anything because I certainly don't claim to have the credentials for that. I'm looking at the humor of the language.
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Same spelling, different meaning
Don't be surprised if you are learning the language, to learn the meaning and the spelling of a word, but when you go to use it, you get strange looks. We have many words that have the same spelling, but can be pronounced differently AND have two completely different meanings.
Here are just a few examples.
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When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. A young man wound a bandage gently around the wound. He was told he would be able to lead others if he would only get the lead out. So the soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
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The farm was used to produce produce and to help out, the farmer taught his sow to sow and taught his children to polish the Polish furniture.
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They were too close to the door to close it but the young man thought there is no time like the present, and decided it was time to present the present. She explained, "I do not object to the object, but the giver". A row ensued knocking an entire row of books on his head. The doctor had to subject the subject to a series of test which gave evidence that this was one case where the insurance was invalid for the invalid.
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Words that sound the same but are spelled differently
And just to further confuse, how about those words that SOUND the same but are spelled differently? These words have different meanings as well, and we often confuse them.
Ted wondered aloud if he was going to be allowed to kiss her. He shook his head and admonished himself saying,
"This is not the time to tie yourself up in a knot when it might all come to naught anyway".
Sarah spent several days in a complete daze after that amazing kiss.
No, I don't know if his intentions are honorable!
But I can tell you that I quickly hired a man to build a new door and deadbolt. He billed me for it when it worked and Ted could not get in.
Sarah wondered whether the new door was to keep out Ted or the weather.
Sara was blue when Ted didn't come around, and blew her nose constantly.
The very next night he proved to be her knight in shining armor, and came to take her away.
Sarah married her grease monkey and honeymooned in Greece after walking down the aisle together on the Isle of Skye.
Homonyms Which is the correct one?
Excersize
Ok, so I threw that together in a hurry. Here are a few more that I just didn't write into this little story. Maybe you can make up one to share with us using some of these.
- marry - merry
- meat - meet
- mince - mints
- missed - mist
- morning - mourning
- none - nun
- one - won
- pail - pale
- pear - pair
- patience - patients
- piece - peace
- plain - plane
- practice - practise
- rain - reign
- read - red
- right - write
- road - rode
- rose - rows.
- sail - sale
- scene - seen
- sea - see
- sew - so
- sole - soul
- son - sun
- stair - stare
- steal - steel
- suite - sweet
- their - there
- threw - through
- to - too - two
- vary - very
- waist - waste
- wait - weight
- war - wore
- wear - where
- weak - week
- weather - whether
- which - witch
- wood - would
- ate - eight
- ball - bawl
- bear - bare
- base - bass
- board - bored
- break - brake
- buy - by- bye
- capital - capitol
- cell - sell
- cent - scent- sent
- chance - chants
- chews - choose
- close - clothes
- coarse - course
- creak - creek
- dear - deer
- dew - do- due
- facts - fax
- fair - fare
- fairy - ferry
- find - fined
- flour - flower
- for - four
- foreword - forward
- gene - jean
- hair - hare
- hay - hey
- heal - heel
- hear - here
- heard - herd
- hi - high
- hoarse - horse
- hole - whole
- hour - our
- knight - night
- leased - least
- loan - lone
- made - maid
- mail - male
Confused still? I'm not done yet!
I pass on these notes from an email sent to me
- There is no egg in eggplant
- No ham in hamburger
- No apple or pine in pineapple
- A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- English muffins weren't invented in England
- French fries were not invented in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand can work slowly
- Boxing rings are square
- We have noses that run and feet that smell
Why IS that?
If writers write why don't fingers fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
What is a dead ringer?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
OK, I'm Done Now
I hope you enjoyed it as I poked a little fun while trying to make sense of the English language. Why not add your two cents worth too?
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Comments
Thank you Dohn. I'm pleased you are the first to comment, I actually thought of you when I was writing this, knowing "Engwish" is a second language for you. LOL
I'm pleased you added some of your own. I was hoping to see the imagination of some of my fans on this one.
Thank you too, for the compliment of bookmarking it. That is an unexpected compliment
Lol. This is funny and interesting. It's quite a challenge learning English as a second language. I find that students put the word order in the way they would say it in their language. Hence, "I like very much London".
I think we really need to encourage them and as you highlighted pronunciation can be confusing. I paired students up in class one day and asked them to describe each other in front of everyone. Well, one said "she smell" but what she really wanted to say was "she's small".
I'm glad you wrote this Hub. :)
Howdy Dutchess... that Hub was curative. I read it, and my headache went away. Thanks. Gus
Thanks Lady_E. It was fun to write. Lot's a material for it. In fact, I had to force myself to stop.
I hope the one who was "small" was not too upset about the "smell". Teaching English as a second language must have a lot of challenges. Good for you!
Thanks for your continued support.
Wow Gus, that's amazing. I'm certainly glad you are feeling better!
Duchess, another good one! I had to laugh. You've got a way with you, you certainly do.
LOL--- Great! Wishing You a Fantastic weekend!
great hub...esp. for people like me who's mother tongue is not english... (btw. I lived in france for 5 years and french is one language I would call difficult to master!) anyway, really enjoyed reading this..:)
Very interesting!
Nice ones Duchess! To say nothing of all the puns - and fun - that this confusion can generate!
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Whoever invented English, and all the worthies who helped it evolve, are probably chuckling evilly somewhere at the knots we tie ourselves in trying to make sense of the language! :)
Agree with Feline Prophet on this one! As we sit here trying to make "cents" of the language and that poor student in Lady_E's class got dissed about "scents" in a language class. LOL.
Great concept for a hub, great hub. MM
Wow, A lot of Visits last night! I am honoured!
@Paradise7 - thank you for your comments, and I am assuming "the way" I have is a good thing? I'm hoping.
@ Lisa Luv - thank you for stopping by to enjoy some interesting conversations. I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well
@ myownworld, thanks so much for dropping by and enjoying my poking fun at a difficult subject.
French is always a language I have had a desire to learn. And living in Canada where French and English are our official languages, I so should have done that. Do you think I am too old to learn?
@advisor4qb
thank you for taking the time to stop in, read and comment. Glad to see you here
@Jaspal!
Great additional fun poking! Loved them. So glad you stopped by. Maybe the confusion these can cause are for antoher hub? Feel like taking a stab at it?
@ Feline Prophet, thank you for stopping by. Yes, those of the human race, which isn't a "race" at all, certainly has proven their imagination in the development of English!
Maybe if we approached it with a sense of humour it would be so hard to learn?
@ Mighty Mom. Thanks for your two "cents" worth! I'm always thankful for the teachers like Lady_E. I think they have a thankless job for the most part, but such a necessary one!
Excellent. Being of German mother tongue my greatest problem (besides pronounciation) with the English language is keeping my sentences short and simple. (Germans love to use long and complex sentences). Thus, I am in constant struggle to have the grammar right in my "German-structured" English sentences.
I loved your playing with similar words in this hub. A funny eye-opener to some aspects of the English language.
Duchess, as someone who used to teach English to French speakers in Montreal -- I can relate to all you say here. Funny, delightful article. I'm broken from trying and I need a break.
Thank you euro-pen for commenting that this was an eye opener and funny (as that's what I was shooting for). I'm not German, but I always struggle with keeping my sentences short as well, so I hear you. That's where reading it after it's written helps me tremendously.
Glad you enjoyed, and thanks for stopping by
Immartin, I assume if you were teaching English to the French, that you know French. Is that correct? I envy anyone who can speak more than one language.
Thanks for the compliment. Go, have a break! :)
Good stuff. Duchess, we seem to have simliar ideas on the English language. As for you learning another language, you're never too old. But what you have to do in my experience is to immerse yourself in the language. I learnt several European languages by living in Europe and either learning their language or having to shut up. And when you talk as much as me shutting up is not an option :) Living in Canada it shouldn't be too difficult to immerse yourself in French if you are serious about it.
This was so entertaining! I loved it. Great hub.....I will definitely be back for more of your other good stuff.
Thank you!
cally2, thanks for the encouragement. I have to say that I agree, you are never too old to learn. Wrote a Hub on that very topic, so perhaps I should take my own advise! I would love to be able to spend enough time in Quebec (our mostly French speaking Province), to learn the language properly. But the TIME. I just can't seem to find enough of it. Maybe I'll win that lottery, and have enough time.
:) Thanks for stopping by.
Mith_moral, in this instance, it was definitely my pleasure. This Hub was actually quite fun to write. I was chuckling most of the time, and that makes it easy to do. I'm glad you enjoyed!
Yes dear Duchess, I do speak French and actually graduated from Universite de Montreal. Strange for an Albertan, don't you think? However, one does not speak French while teaching English. The French would shake their collective heads while learning and insist English is an absurd language. Consider how absurd the world is, that makes it the ideal international language.
What a unique point of view Immartin, one I agree with whole heartedly. It is an absurd language, therefore perfect as an international language. :)
It's funny, the other day, I was pondering over two "words" that were spelled the same, but pronounced differently, and sat there wondering what other words there were like the ones I was thinking about.
And now, here is your hub. Thank you so much for publishing this. I will have to save this and share it with others.
Thank you TheSablirab! I have often pondered the same things myself. I'm happy you found the hub worth sharing. Thanks for you kind words
What a great teaching tool you put together for native English speakers as well as for ESL students. It makes these idiosyncrasies fun instead of aggravating or intimidating. Thumbs up!
High Praise indeed Sally, thank you.
A teaching tool, so cool.
I hope it can be useful in that respect!
Very entertaining. It appears our language really doesn't make a whole lot of sense much of the time.
Lisa, glad you stopped by. It gave me the opportunity to meet you through some of your hubs. I'm glad you found it an entertaining read.
Duchess, that was so much fun!Just this morning my co-worker was reading an email and she wondered if the person used the correct homonym---bear or bare. So here is my take on the use of bear and bare: A bear is a large furry animal which your heart would hardly bear running into in a dark bare room.
Nice one Lorraine. It seems we run into these questions all the time.
Don't you just love the English language?
Science fiction author H. Beam Piper once wrote that "English is the result of Norman soldiers attempting to pick up Anglo-Saxon barmaids, and is no more legitimate than any of the other results."
I think that covers our car-crash agglomeration of a language quite nicely.
But for sheer nastiness, I'll take H.L. Mencken - author of _The American Language_ and one of the most brilliant self-trained philologists in history.
"In order to teach chemistry or psychology or even history or Greek a man must actually know something, but for the teacher of English nothing seems to be necessary beyond a crude capacity to read and write."
...and:
"Do [English teachers] believe that the aim of teaching English is to increase the exact and beautiful use of the language? Or that it is to inculcate and augment patriotism? Or that it is to diminish sorrow in the home? Or that it has some other end, cultural, economic, or military? [...] ...it was [English teachers'] verdict by a solemn referendum that the principal objective in teaching English was to make good spellers, and that after that came the breeding of good capitalizers. [...] ...pedagogy in the United States is fast descending to the estate of a childish necromancy, and that the worst idiots, even among pedagogues, are the teachers of English. It is positively dreadful to think that the young of the American species are exposed day in and day out to the contamination of such dark minds. What can be expected of education that is carried on in the very sewers of the intellect? How can morons teach anything that is worth knowing?"
But I take a perverse pleasure in knowing that while I find it easy to pick up Spanish and German and Yiddish and suchlike (the American language is so rich in borrow-words and usage conventions from these and many other tongues), them furriners have got to "marque dos para Espanol" to get by.
Feeds my entirely unjustified sense of intellectual superiority, it do.
I learned Spanish as a second language and the more I study the more grateful I am that English was my first language. I empathize with those trying to learn English. Spanish has simple rules and makes sense…English doesn’t. I love your examples of English Idiosyncrasies, same spelling with different meaning, and words that sound the same but are spelled differently.
Alan
I think learning English first is a benefit too...but that's not from experience mind you. I have not learned a second language. (shame on me).
Thanks for enjoying the hub
Great hub duchess, its surprising how many people on hubpages found it useful! I linked it to a couple of my Greek friends who have trouble with writing English although they can speak it well (accent included lol) Thanks again!
Cool retellect! Thanks for passing it on! It was a pleasure to write this one - lots of fun!
Hello, I just found your hub. I am so glad to read it. I have to make bookmark on it as for me it is a great treasure. Are you a teacher by the way? Thank you for your information. I shall start learning it now. Lizzy
LizzyBoo, welcome to HubPages. You are making a great start here! I am glad you enjoyed this hub. It's good to know it can be useful for people learning English.
I am not a teacher by the way, but thanks for the compliment.
hello,learning english is very intersting..some time i analiye that english is not eaey bt some time it is very easy....
dohn121 says:
2 months ago
Ha ha ha! I loved this hub, Duchess! I got some more for you:
Why do we drive on the parkway, park in the driveway and pay toll on the freeway?
How can one go to the bathroom when they are already in the bathroom?
There are several more that I can't think of, but I'm sure that there are many, many more! English is a second language to me, by the way :D Lao is my first. I had lots of fun telling some people that I majored in "Engwish." The ones that don't laugh are either too gullible or have no sense of humor :D
I'm bookmarking this one!