Eternal Love: 'Til Death Do Us Part?
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How far would you go for love? Marriage vows often include the phrase, "Until death do us part," but what if the surviving partner isn't ready to be parted from the dead one?
What if, instead, the husband preserves his wife's body and keeps her in a mausoleum so that he can visit her every day? What if he keeps her in his living room? Or what if the wife decides that she cannot bear to bury her husband and merely keeps him in her apartment, knowing that she, too, will soon die of old age.
It's rare, but there are several stories of people preserving their loved ones -- above ground -- so as not to lose them. These people then regularly visit, if not consistently live with, the bodies of their beloved lost spouses. Often, this situation will consume their lives.
What drives this urge? Who is doing this, and what lengths are they going to? Is it even true? Let's take a closer look at this taboo extent of love.
Why?
The question when hearing these stories is obviously, "Why?"
Obviously we do not want to deal with death, do not want to lose a loved one. It is painful to suddenly have a hole gored in our lives, especially when it is a spouse's death. After all, hypothetically we marry because we want to grow old with that person and share our lives. A spouse is the only family we choose to have (besides the occasional pet), so I cannot imagine the pain of losing that person.
Everyone grieves differently: Some draw into themselves, some lash out, and some seek solace in the comfort of friends and family.
And some, apparently, choose never to let go.
Man Lives with Dead Wife
I first saw this story on Ripley's Believe It or Not. This man's wife died on pneumonia thirteen years ago, but he still spends every day with her. Sometimes he even spends the night next to her. How? He has preserved her body in a mausoleum in his backyard.
The video is heartbreaking. This old man clearly loved his wife so much. It makes you wonder why such a treasured relationship has to have one of the members taken from it when there are so many failed marriages out there.
"Time heals everything," he says that people tell him. But he insists that it doesn't.
Man Dies Next to Months-Dead Wife
A Tokyo man's body finally gives out on him. This is not the stuff of newspaper headlines. But what about when his wife's body is found, as well, and then identified as having been dead for months?
Police found him collapsed in his apartment hallway, but his wife was found laying propped up on the couch. Police suspect no foul play in either of the deaths.
To me, it appears that, at 77 years old, this man knew that his time was coming and could not bear to be without his wife during the last of his days. Creepy? Maybe, when you think about the logistics of it. But the story is touching to me in the face of all the failed relationships we see in the news and in our daily lives.
Woman Keeps Husband's Body
An elderly, quiet, well-liked Brooklyn woman calls the police to report the death of her husband. The newsworthy thing? The police arrived at her house to discover her husband's skeletal remains, whereupon a forensic specialist declared that he had been dead for at least three years.
Charges were not filed on the woman because foul play was not suspected.
She was 77 years old at the time, and perhaps she felt the same as the Tokyo man but was not lucky enough to follow her husband in so short a time, and after three years she felt that his body was too much of a burden.
Wife in a Glass Coffee Table
According to Snopes' analysis, this one must be a hoax, mostly because of the illegality of having a dead body in your living room.
It is supposedly a story in an email circling since 2000 about a young American man (about 32 years old) who entombed his dead wife in a special glass coffin and then used her as a coffee table. Apparently she had a sense of humor, and he thought that she would enjoy being his coffee table for all eternity. The email states that he lost some friends over this incident but that his "true friends" saw beyond it.
If it isn't true, then it makes for a great story. But while this may seem "out there," it certainly is not much different than other similar but very real stories about the post-mortem preservation of a loved one.
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What Do You Think?
So what do you think? Is this love? Is it healthy love? Or is it obsession? Are they sick? Can we judge these people, or should we admire them for their commitment?
I'd love to hear any and all opinions or maybe you've seen a story like this somewhere that you'd like to share.
Weigh in and leave a comment!
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Comments
I agree, C.S. that I do not feel it is my job to judge people. I also think that it would consume me and make me completely unable to move on or do anything else. Thanks for weighing in!
Maybe these are just examples of what true and pure love is,...I guess what you would call an undying commentment,...Or it is a way for them to continue there commitment till it is there time to pass,...Who's to judge,...Not us.
I don't believe there is life after death,...I Know that the is life after death,...Have been there and I liked it! We live in two worlds here, The human world and the spirit world,...Till our Flesh dude brakes down or becomes broken,...Then like everything else it returns to the earth. Yet The True Essence of your being Lives on,...Know it to be a fact.
This could also be a way for them to connect with there loved one on the other side,...Or a want or a need to connect.
Whatever the case maybe it sure looks like a form of great love and respect for ons fellow man,...And if it is,...What kind of friend would they be ? And what secrets do they hold that have yet to be told,...I guess it is sometimes easier to show everyone how much you loved them,...Than it is to tell them.
Nicely done Helen
Thanks for reading and for the lovely comment, madheadquaters. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future!
surprised, but i do believe love is eternal and it is a gift from God.If it can be done....?
Amazing! Well, I guess, to each his own. Nice hub.
my best friend lost her husband of 19 years at the age of 39, but I can't imagine that he would want her to hold onto him in this fashion. Why live with the constant grief, and the reminder everyday of seeing your loved ones body.. death is hard enough without adding insult to injury. Life is too beautiful not to continue on, however hard it is.. I know when my time comes I want my future husband to keep on living and be happy. He doesn't need to see my body, but look in his heart and there is where I will be...
celestialmoon, I could not have put it better myself. You are absolutely right that need to keep on living, not get stuck in one time period of our lives. Thank you so much for your well-put comment.
Isn't everyone sarching for eternal love? The essence of our existence is love and sometimes I feel is it really out there.
How many of us get consumed in our daily chores and forget about the true beauty of life.I am a man who believes in the purity and essence of selfless love and am still waiting for the ONE who I believe very strongly is out there,the universe is conspiring to bring her to me and I will wait till the dawn shines on my hope and takes me away from the money,fame,awards I have achieved so that I can feel human again.
It may be a form of affection. Birth and death are common in the life. We have to move on from there. If we keep the body the dead person above ground, it may affect your life further. It is better to go for some diversions despite feeling for it.
i need help from all of you because i m 24 years girl, and have no experience about life,but sudden death has happan of my love (sanjay raj) i felt that i should go with him , i should do sucide to reach him because he has done true love with me sujest me
deepti
I was searching for something regarding death and depression, as I am terribly worried. My stepfather died a few months ago. He had made a name for himself in his field, but my mother spent a number of years being his caregiver. While she hated the lack of support the medical and financial system provides the family (and even seeks to impoverish the family), she did what she could to give him the best care at home she could, though she was not a trained professional.
Let me also say that my parents fought like cats and dogs during the time they were married. I spent a good portion of my life being the responsible child in the family that took it all in.
He passed away a few months ago. The both of us worked tirelessly on his funeral, designing and printing the funeral programs and attended the funeral short of 48 hours sleep. No help from siblings as I am the closest to her and my siblings are flakes and losers.
Once the funeral and interment was done, she immediately set us both to work on his memorial and memorial program. I saw nothing wrong with it at the time. The turnout at his funeral was abysmal and far less than we expected, despite our efforts to get the word out to the appropriate people that he'd passed away. What I didn't realize was that the memorial would then become absolute obsession.
The memorial, despite an entire summer's worth of work, mostly on her part, since I didn't realize all she was doing, but also the constant flurry of updates, upgrades, and changes to the memorial program was had a worst turnout than the funeral, amongst a bunch of other things that went wrong, including the weather. I thought the 2 of us would kill ourselves with all that needed to be brought to the memorial. It was terrible.
To reiterate, we spent the summer working on the memorial. It is now been 2 months since the memorial and we are still updating the "final version" of this program. It will now become 30 pages long.
My mother has always been a sane and strong person. Very smart and very level-headed. I also realize that the quality of the memorial was impacted by the lack of professionalism by those who were called to be involved in it and that some people submitted materials for the program late if not after the memorial. Way late. I also realize that she has had financial stresses as a result of how caregivers (and subsequent surviving spouses are treated). (Those who don't know will have the unfortunate surprise of finding out how unprepared they are for this.) On occasion, she also seems to remember him as a better person than he was to his family.
I simply want to know what other people's take is on this. I know that it is not unusual for a couple to constantly fight and then for the survivor to feel lonely. But I worry about her. Although she is a few years his junior, I worry about her reaction to his death. I don't know if she is simply temporarily depressed or has developed permanent alteration in her mental status due to the stress and depression of the situation. As a result, I have no idea how to help her and if she needs help. I don't know if this is urgent or if I should wait and allow this to take it's course. The last thing I want to have happen is for her to continue along this path and follow him to his death while I stand by and watch. I love her dearly and she deserves better than her marriage to him ever got her. I want her to embrace the new life she now has (and apparently hoped to have again one day). She is so talented also. I do not want the remainder of her life to be spent on resurrecting my stepfather. Something which he could no seem to do for himself when he was alive. I had always worried he would slowly rob her of her life and now that he's gone, it seems to be a nightmare come true.
If anyone can direct me to any place where I can obtain advice or help, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you
PennyL, it sounds like it might be best for your mother to see a professional. She may not need Official Therapy, but she certainly needs to address her feelings because it sounds like she's just running from them at this point. Additionally, that would be the best source of advice for both of you about how you can move through this very difficult period in your life. You don't need to worry that you'll be overreacting; one session of therapy won't hurt anyone, but it might do a world of good!! Good luck, and thanks for sharing your story!
C.S.Alexis says:
2 years ago
I do not want to be the judge of someone else as I feel God is there to do so. I do know that I personally would be consumed by such an action and it would be terribly unhealthy for me. I have lost many close relatives and friends and I consider it a part of the universal process.I believe that our spirits live on, we are all energy and it is continuous motion. The spirit just moves on to a different plane or level.Maybe that is my way of justifying death.