This may very well be the hardest hub I'll ever have to write. Because it hit's home in a very personal way. The decision to euthanize is, to say the least, painstaking and, for me, guilt ridden. I had to put my cat, Shadow, to rest last October and yet I sit here writing this in a shroud of tears. Was it the right decision? Is there more I could have done? Why did I have to decide it was time for him to leave us? Questions that go through your mind for days on end after the process has already taken place, questions that go though your mind a year later. In Shadow's case, it was the only humane thing to do. His kidneys failed almost overnight and in the blink of an eye he was dying right in from of me, in my arms. I tried to let nature take it's course and waited, but he was in so much pain, howling and crying until I thought my heart would break for him. I don't know if he was begging me to help him, but that's what I like to think, that's what I have to think, that's what made the decision easier for me. I am not a rich woman, I did not have the money to take him to the vet but if I could have I would have taken him and seen if there was anything I could have done to save him, no matter the cost. I know the answer would have been the same, he's dying and all we can do is make it more comfortable for him. So I did what I thought was right, I let the needle be injected and was there with him when he slipped off into the ether. No more pain Shadow and I'm sorry. I got to do it in the pivacy of my own home and I took comfort in that. The things that you see on TV, where an animal just fades away and looks like they've simply fallen asleep, well, that's just TV, not the real world. It's really up to the animal and how strong a will there is to survive. Shadow did not go peacefully at first, he fought hard against the dying of the light. It took this small creature five shots of a very strong barbiturate before he let go, God how that made me feel so much worse, like I was making the wrong decision, like he didn't want to leave me or his Spooky. He did not look like they are sleeping, and they usually don't, unless your animal happens to sleep with his or her eyes open. The sounds, oh Lord, the sound, that last escape of air, the moment you know your animal is truly gone, that has got to be the hardest moment, at least it was for me. Shadow is now laid to rest in my backyard, but he is always in my heart and I will always miss him, recluse that he was, he was still an extension of me. He was my baby in 1997, followed shortly by being my grown up, very independent cat and now he is just my memory.

Oh, woe is me. With my other two cats, Spooky and Skitzi, and my dog Bizzy, reaching their twilight years, I am afraid the decision to euthanize will come again, later than sooner, I hope. There is always a particular animal that winds up being the one of your heart. Mine is Spooky. He has been mine from his very first day of his life and I have enjoyed every day of his 13+ years with me, his passing will be the hardest of my life thus far, at least in the animal world. Of course, this is not to say that my other animals will not be sorely missed. Eventually my Prissy, and my Snoop, who are not quite seniors, but definitely n the adult category, will be forced to leave this earth as well. If anything animals certainly keep us abreast of one major rule of life, we are born, we live, and we die. It is still astonishing to me that these mere creatures can have such a dramatic impact on our lives.

Bear is my whole reason for this article. Today I took my cousin (in law) to have her dog euthanized. It is my understanding his organs were starting to shut down and when you looked into his eyes you knew he was fading. I thought I would be there to be strong for her and lend my shoulder to cry on. But I learned an important lesson today. Watching any creature slip from this world is HARD. I did not expect I would be so upset by it. After all, he was not my dog. But another important lesson I learned today, it doesn't matter who's animal it is. It is still a life. And seeing that life leave it's body is a painful experience. So Rest in Peace Bear, you were completely adored and will be sorely missed.

 I have to tip my hat to the Houston S.P.C.A. for their support today. Under unfortunate circumstances and with a grieving "mother", they did a wonderful job of putting Bear to peace. We were not hasseled or hurried. I believe the vet and vet tech also felt the loss of life and the respect for it. Much respect for the doctors who are putting their time into the clinic to help make the animal world a better place.