If communication is defined as a process of input and output, what is going on in my head? I think using language. Who is the sender and who is the receiver? Are my thoughts just shadows in a dark room that make a chair with a coat draped over it look like a mugger?  Are my thoughts reliable? If everything tested is influenced by the act of testing then what are my motives? Are the shadows that look like language only metaphors to trap me in indecision? If my shadow box works like a darkroom then anything that may enlighten my situation would have to bend physics to get around the corner? If I cannot tell the difference between what I see with my eyes and what I see with my mind then how would I be able to tell reality from a dream? If I wake from sleeping and still have a dream fading out of memory it is just a real as my first cup of coffee?  If there is no way to have a baseline truth about reality, then my life one hundred year drag race of mental orgasms and brain flops. In order to walk I need to know there is a surface to place my next step. In order to continue a given pace I need to have a goal to reach. In order to bounce from one goal to another I need to see the change I make in the world around me. This change needs to be significant enough to give proof to me I am making an impact.

My dream state is in constant change. Every night something different happens in a world that doesn’t have any continuity from one night to the next.  When I wake up, I am not far from where I went to sleep and physical objects remind me where I’m located. If object permanence is what a child learns though peek-a-boo then reality permanence is my understanding that when I go to sleep I will wake to the same reality. 

If I cannot know myself and what I perceive to be truth, why should I take action? I could react as a nerve ending, directly to the tick that produces a twitch but I would be lying to the situation and myself. I can relate the feelings of an ailment to language. If I am slugged in the face with a baseball bat I can diagnose what I am feeling to be pain. Pain is apt to change. If I am pushed through a window and suffer a wound I am not aware of due to the slow understanding of a out of the ordinary situation, and am made aware of the pain when I see a gushing wound in my arm then is pain a pure reactionary response or a choice?

If I am sitting in a car at the end of a date with a girl and I take in the situation and believe I am to take action and simultaneously think any action taken would leave me bare and both thoughts are equally valid, what do I do? If I am resting potential and a force of inertia what causes a decision to be made between the two. If I am in a bar fight and I reach for the bottle and break it, I know a broken bottle has a higher likelihood of critical injury. If I use my fist it is more likely going to cause bruising or a bloody nose. Both fist or bottle are options, neither provides me with a predictable outcome, because the variable are outside of my mind. Tactically a deadly would incapacitate the variable potentially faster.

Go for the jugular. Neither is universally solid. Making every choice a choice between polar opposite’s makes choices simple, but the farther I remove myself from the situation the farther I am from the situation. If I was able to freeze time and lift myself omnipresent-ly over said bar fight I would be able to better tactically assess the situation. Maybe there is a sawed off shot gun behind the bar or a can of mace in the purse of the skank sitting next to me. Maybe there is a string of dialog that would calm all parties involved. I have no clairvoyance, I am alone in the universe with deck of cards and with the dealer dead all parties involved have to either compromise, ignore or eliminate potential threats. Right and Wrong have no place when the shit hits the fan. The survival and happiness of me and mines over rule the impartial morality. If I cannot precisely judge what is real, and do not have an impartial mirror that highlights good and bad judgment calls on my responsibility in a given situation then either it is solely under my control or subject to the seemingly random push and bounce of balls on a pool table.

If god is dead then it is likely that god never existed in the first place and primitive man stumbled out of a cave and played connect-the-dots with the stars. Man filled in the gaps of what he didn’t understand. One set of bright stars screwed another set of bright stars and created the world. God or gods are too easy to understand. Gods create a world the same way we create gods. Gods see the nothingness of space the same way we see a blank sheet of paper. It would make more sense if we were put here by aliens. What if the reason why huge temples and buildings though out the world were solely built in order to be seen from space, maybe we were abandoned. If I live every day of my life with the notion of a great redeemer is coming back to take me to the grand mother ship in the sky then being the test subject I am spoiled by the observation of an eye in the sky.

If I am told Santa Claus is invisibly judging my every action for an entire year, I am influenced to do avoid the naughty list. Would I receive coal based on my thoughts? If I laughed every time I saw a starving and helpless child covered in fleas on an infomercial would I be subject to thought crimes? It’s upsetting to see the beggar and his cup, and equally as upsetting to fill his cup. If I take the things I perceive as a given, and every individual I see takes me as a given, and we are helpless to influence every single begging bum why help even one? My motivation would be completely self serving to tip a coin to the beggar, I tip therefore I feel like I picked a single fly out of the gangrene. If the notions death and one perceived path of time holds true for every beast, why roll out of bed in the morning? If one side is bad and the other side is good and its part of the same mattress and depending on the day right and wrong sides flip, what is the point? Why not give up? Am I just filling in variables in a math equation that has no relative bearing to anything? Hunger plus food equals temporary satisfaction. Angst plus girl equals temporary satisfaction. Want plus getting what you want equals temporary satisfaction until you die. God or lack of god, fairy tales have no way to practically influence this cycle. Gods are an internal thought, which is thought to exist externally omnipresent to watch his ants on a big screen in the living room. Pre-gods humans still got hungry and killed something and ate it. Humans still knock and drag long haired vixens into caves for personal time. Is it potentially right or wrong because the gods we created said so, or did actions and choices have these attributes already? The gods are hitchhiking along for the ride.

On Pursuing Achievements

If punching you in the face right now makes you more durable for the next slug in the face, then punching you in the face initially is group therapy. Your nose might need to be reset but the next time it is knocked out of place you know the feeling and will not be shocked. My fists and your face both grow exponentially deterrent to blunt trauma. If we all die and every growth of deterrence is temporary to an individual life span then why seek the will to enter situation that would cause growth. If the death plague was removed, each situation would build upon the next and potentially sharpen the knife to the point where it would not only slice off the hair on the arm but cause the spillage of blood. If death was taken out of the equation then perfection would be possible.