I'm writing this because my friends are jealous and always comment on how great my husband is, so it has to be true. Of course I think he's great, but aquintances say the same thing from meeting him for 5 seconds. What's the deal?

Is your guy the guy you should marry? Is your husband being all that he can be? Are you looking for the best basic qualities in your man? This may sound self-serving but here's the deal.

A man cannot be a great husband without a great wife. Period.

Allow him to open doors for you and always pay for dinner. You pay for the lights or groceries or whatever it takes for him to be able to feel like the provider and your protector. Paying when you go out makes him feel this way. If the woman pays, the man feels emasculated. If HE pays, you feel taken care of and he feels good about that.

 

 A great husband will have a small group of tight knit friends. He will spend one night a week out with his friends without any phone calls from the wife. NO PHONE CALLS FROM THE WIFE! Not even to ask him if he wants dinner when he gets home. Let him be. He will come home when he feels it's appropriate. Let him know before he leaves to go out that he is cool with you if he decides to stay over at his friend's house if he gets too sloppy drunk. Just ask him to call you if he decides to stay over there. If he does not call you, don't call him. If he doesn't call you or turn up in the morning, then you worry...but chances are, he just passed out.

If your husband is not important at work, he will not be a great husband. If he is revered and respected in his field, he will do anything to keep you happy, be a good father and make his family number one. He will have higher levels of testosterone if he is in charge at work. Testosterone will feed his inner "provider". Sometimes it may feel work is getting too hectic for him but it is your time to hush up. Do not call him a work-aholic. It makes him feel like nothing is good enough for you. If he pays your bills, leave him alone!

If your hubby is low man on the chain ---provided he's been with the company for a bit, it shows his lack of confidence in himself and a lack of desire to succeed. All companies have a way to move up and don't blame it on an absent college degree. My husband "needed" a Bachelor's degree TWO promotions ago. He still is not in college but works smart and has plenty of time for me. Instead, I am the one that he is paying for to go back to school and fulfill my dreams.

Give it up every other night. Provided you are both healthy, this is how he will show he loves you. Let him do it and embrace an 'imperfections' you may have. (I have tons of them) You need to make him feel he chose the "right girl for the job". Also, it's the woman's job to mix it up. He will appreciate being able to sleep with someone who is not his wife... persay. Like that rapper said many years ago:..." I want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed". This is a great wife's mantra. This will lead to having a great husband. Now, we don't use whips or wax or anything...but we DO have an annual membership to Sybaris and use their 4 hour "Afternoon Getaway" on the occasional Saturday or Sunday. I ask my hubby if he wants to go to BestBuy (or some other similar "places guys love" and take him for an afternoon delight instead. He isn't ever asking at that point, "I thought we were going to Best Buy!!! Wah!"

Realize that, if you both were young when you got married, what "marriage" meant to your fiance: Regular sex with a beautiful woman! You know you promised that the day you got married, even if it wasn't said. No take backs.

Tear it up and throw it away!

Who wants to be told what to do? Not me and I'm sure not you!

If dishes are piling up or the garbage isn't taken out... look at yourself! In our house, we managed to figure out early on who was in charge of each household duty. I noticed that my hubby never took initiative to clean the restroom or wash the dishes...so I do it. He noticed I never took initiative to do the laundry, get my oil changed or dust.... so HE does it. If it doesn't get done, it sits there until we feel up to doing it or sick of looking at it. No one yells or plays the blame game. If you are doing EVERYTHING! You're hubby is lazy and just clean your areas. The soda cans on his nightstand will stay there until he cleans them up.

Any decent human being will not let you do all of the chores. If he does, you have enabled him to be lazy. Just stop doing (of course keep your house decent and sanitary) and he will fall in line when he wants a pudding cup and there aren't any spoons... eventually he'll get sick of using his fingers to spoon it out.

Small pet peeves like pruny fingers or not wanting your nose squeezed because the boogers stick and feel gross are funny but should be respected. Don't tease your spouse or intentionally make him uncomfortable in any way even if he laughs. If he has told you it bothers him...it bothers him.

Other peeves like: He stays out all night drinking or plays video games all the time are different. Don't nag. Find what drives him, and most likely, what is he not getting from you that makes him behave this way? What need does his excessive behavior feed?

My husband was spending his Saturdays playing video games for hours. I felt ignored and pissed off but didn't say anything. Now, he still plays video games but I requested to work on Saturdays and catch up on phone calls to family. I realized he needs his down time just like everyone else. Let him chill! That's the need... he needs to zone out sometimes. We never had a discussion about it. He uses Saturday night as his "guy night" too, and I respect that. If he goes out on Friday night instead, he WANTS to stay home on Saturday usually, with me. If he still wants to go out, so what? I don't get in a tizzy, I just find something else to do, maybe a "girls' night". 

 

 Most of us do this but make sure you let him know you think he looks/smells great in it. If you have a favorite, let him know. He'll wear it for you as often as he can. Reward him for taking notice in what you like.

Don't have kids right away. Your married relationship needs time to grow and you cannot force it. It will come in time. Nothing makes me more sick than to see parents who's lives revolve around their children. Have your OWN lives, your life together and then your lives with your children.

Have grandparents, aunts and uncles on stand-by for date nights and trips with your hubby. You DO NOT need to bring your children with you to Paris for goodness sake! I barely remember Disney World and I was 8! A prime age for Disney World. Your kids will put a damper on your married relationship if they are part of everything you do.

Don't bother Dad with every little kid problem. If Mom stays home, Mom needs to deal with it.

Stop fighting about money! Make it very clear, at the beginning who will be responsible for what. I am in charge of groceries and my own spending money. (I work part time and am in college) We have seperate bank accounts and a joint one. If I save money using coupons or on sales (which I try very hard to do, it's a hobby) my reward is spending that saved money on new clothes or a present for him.

Know how much he makes and keep in mind the bills he is responsible for. Don't open HIS bills and he won't open yours. If you need to juggle money around one month, he doesn't need to know about it and either do you. If you are both responsible adults, you both know what needs to be done and will take care of it. Be accountable for yourself and spend together time NOT talking about money!

Don't spend his bonus money (let him decide, he worked hard) Work overtime for you, not for the household. If you decide to put that extra money into retirement, do it! OR buy that fabulous handbag...you worked hard.

When out with your husband, act like a lady. Don't whine and moan about work or how you have a headache. Act like you are dating.

Act like your husband's girlfriend again. Back then, you may have bitten your tongue on some things because you didn't want to be overbearing or bitchy....you wanted a marriage proposal after all! Do that now! Life changing matters need to be discussed, obviously, but with respect for everyone's opinions and wishes. Compromise and don't let guilt get in the way of your relationship.

Never yell, name-call, or guilt-trip..... save this for your nasty co-workers or slacker employees.

 Realize your guy is a handsome, most-wanted, important man. Remember he had many girlfriends before you. Remember he chose you, and why. Be that woman he married, everyday. Stay fit, healthy and looking out for his best interests. Say please and thank you. Ask, don't demand. If he says "no" it means you have asked him too many times, for too many things. He will say "yes" if he knows you wouldn't ask unless you really needed help.

When he comes in the door and asks, "How was your day?"

Your Answer: "Great!" Bring up only pertainant information later on. Let him tell you about his day first, actively listen and BE INTERESTED. If it didn't matter to him, he wouldn't be telling you. Guys don't talk just to talk (like women do). He wants to give you info and wants you to care about it.

The Secret: The great wife MAKES the great husband!