The first step in having any important conversation with your kids is setting. Try to create a space where you both feel comfortable, like the living room. Make sure you are in the right state of mind -- take a shot of whisky before you start.

How to start:

Remember that kids generally don't have a lot of technical knowledge so you should start with something they can relate to, like a story.

Once everyone has a comfortable seat start like this:

When a mommy really loves a daddy or when a daddy really loves someone else's mommy who needs rent money they like to play a special game. Usually the game is one mommy and one daddy, but if the daddy has a lot of money he can find two mommies that need rent money.

Explaining the "Game":

After a night of dancing or if you do too much cuddling during a movie daddy's special place fills with blood, causing him to get light-headed. Generally the game starts with kisses and cuddling. After a few minutes of that daddy starts to get bored and initiates more interesting things, depending on how drunk mommy is this can range from licking & biting to dressing like different people and putting household objects where they don't belong.

Finally, again dependant on how drunk mommy is, daddy gets to put his special parts into mommy. Then there is a lot of sweating and noises that resemble a water buffalo and a puppy fighting over a towel.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Your kids will probably have questions so let me help you out with some canned responses, just in case your brain freezes up.

• Is it messy? Only if you are doing right?
• Does it hurt? Only the first couple of time, then you get the hang of it. Alternately. Only if you're doing it wrong.
• Is it expensive? Well mommy has never looked the same since you were born, and I once spent a night in jail.
• How do you know if a mommy is interested? When she dresses like the woman next door, or on her birthday.
• But where do babies come from? I found you in a gas station bathroom.