When I wrote the Self-Improvement hub entitled, "Change Your Beliefs," about how your beliefs control your life, I gave an example of how your beliefs can change. You see, how you live your life is based on your beliefs. You can change your beliefs, and by changing your beliefs you change your life. So, if you want a better life, ypu must develop better beliefs!

One of the problems, though, is recognizing a disempowering belief that needs changing.

It happened that I was in a casual conversation with a friend that suddenly turned into a very enlightening discussion for me. Thank you, Tom. It is truly amazing - well, amazing to me - how one's own "Stinkin' Thinkin'" can lurk in plain sight in one's consciousness and not be seen. Never mind being hidden away in the subconscious - this was hiding in full daylight in my conscious mind!

"Familiarity breeds contempt" is a stock phrase of mine - a true from-childhood belief. It was a favorite phrase of my mother's, and, of course, if Mother said it, it must be true, right? And yet, It must be the most ridiculous belief I have been harboring for so many years.

• Familiarity can only breed contempt amongst contemptuous people. People who regularly express contempt. Such people ought not to be in my life! So, if there are any people in my life who are contemptuous, I need to weed them out of my life immediately.
• If familiarity really does breed contempt, then I must be contemptible if once people become familiar with me they have contempt for me. How can I possibly reach success if I believe myself to be contemptible?!
• The belief that familiarity breeds contempt subtly directs my life away from forming relationships in which I will become familiar to people. Thus I must believe friendships to be harmful, associations dangerous, and love almost impossible.
• If I am to enter into business partnerships and affiliations to grow my business and build my wealth, I must become familiar with and to my partners and affiliates. But if that means slipping into a contemptuous relationship, no gain or profit can ensue. This will be a major wealth-destroying situation.

All of this because I have this silly notion that "familiarity breeds contempt."

Well, I'm glad that has been discovered. Major, major priority - destroy that stupid bit of Stinkin' Thinkin' and get it out of my mind! Jeez! I can hardly believe I didn't see this before!

There is a companion phrase that goes along with "familiarity breeds contempt" and that is –

"Understand the power of asking questions, and the loss of power in answering them."

This is also based on the belief that familiarity breeds contempt. It is a defence mechanism. The first part, - understand the power of asking questions - is true. The person in the conversation who is asking the questions controls the direction of that conversation, but it is a mistake to assume that the person who is answering the questions loses power by answering them.

Let us take as an example someone who is unsure of their knowledge - unsure if it is correct, unsure if it is valid, unsure if it is valuable, unsure if it is substantial. Now, that person, when asked questions, will likely be afraid of being exposed, and, if exposed, will likely be subjected to contempt.

Let us take another person, who is confident of the knowledge they have - they know it is correct, they know it is valuable and valid, they know it is substantial. This person, when asked questions, will not be afraid of exposure - indeed they will welcome it because it demonstrates their knowledge and hopefully will help the questioner.

Would Donald Trump or Warren Buffet or Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey or Jack Welch or any one of many other successful and knowledgeable people ever be afraid of answering questions because they felt they might lose power in answering them and be held in contempt for the familiarity that results?

It seems to me that "familiarity breeds contempt" and "understand the power of asking questions, and the loss of power in answering them" are beliefs more likely associated with a person who lacks knowledge, confidence or both. These beliefs will certainly not carry you far along the road to success.

The answer, I suggest, is to purge yourself of these two disempowering beliefs. Become knowledgeable about your subject, and skillful about your craft. Build confidence in your value to your community and grow your self-worth. Be proud of who you are and ready, capable and worthy of becoming familiar to people. And be so good at what you do that you can answer any question and experience any scrutiny with confidence and composure.

If you have need to rid yourself of these or any other disempowering belief, I would be glad to help.