I was asked recently by a young woman who was accompanying her sister who is a patient at the weight loss clinic, how she could help her sister succeed in losing weight. I was touched by the concern in her voice and the genuine desire to understand how she might better promote her sister's weight loss goals while not hurting feelings or stepping across boundaries.

There are some very helpful rules of the road for the support members for a person endeavoring to lose weight. The first of these is to simply be loving and caring, supportive and respectful of the person's goals. Someone who has made the commitment to undergo a medically supervised weight loss program has thought about this for quite some time; usually they have developed a high level of knowledge and commitment and are ready to focus on the challenging task of losing the weight. So one of the first keys is to acknowledge all that has taken place and support that person's efforts.

Some people are terribly afraid that by simply acknowledging that a loved one is overweight, they will hurt their feelings or appear judgmental. Saying things like "I can see that it is really important to you" and "I will support you in your goals" are more helpful and effective than things like "you do really need to lose a lot of weight."

Of course you would not do this on purpose, but you need to think about how your actions may affect your friend or family member's weight loss efforts. Do not become someone in this person's life who is offering treats and excuses to enable them to avoid exercise or proper eating. It may sound silly, but we all have a tendency to want to reward our friends and loved ones with special treats and to help make them feel like they don't need to work so hard when life is already so difficult. But many a weight loss plan has been sabotaged by a well-intentioned loved one who would offer high calorie treats or invite the person to go to a movie or out to dinner instead of the intended gym work out, walk or run.

Ask your friend, relative or loved one whom you wish to support, what level of support they would like from you. What I mean is, ask them if they want you to simply offer some general encouragement, or whether they would like a bit more active support.

Let me give you an example from my own life. As a doctor specializing in weight loss and metabolism, it is hard not to notice people around me, including friends and family who are themselves struggling with their weight. Over the years, a few of them have asked me for help privately, and I have always endeavored to be supportive. On the other hand, I don't relish the idea of totally changing our nice friendship by becoming a nag about my friend's weight. So I have found it helpful to ask them what level of support they would like and whether they truly wish me to offer advice and suggestions or whether they want ongoing help and to what extent. For those who really do want me to be a supporter, I can usually offer encouragement and some occasional specific suggestions but I will never comment on a person's weight unless invited to do so.

Staying positive is bery important. It serves no one to talk about weight re-gain or the wrong things a person has eaten or to dwell much on the failures. This person is trying very hard to do something that is very difficult to do. They need positive encouragement and reinforcement. Tell them "great job" when they lose a pound or report some improvement in their diet or exercise regimen. Tell them "way to go" when they have dropped a size or hit a milestone. Tell them "you can do it" when they tell you how hard it is, or how little luck they are having. Remind them to stay focused and that you love and support them.