This is a continuation of the log of an Englishman who became a Buddist priest in Japan. As part of his initiation process he fasted on a mountainside for 100 days.

Day 80. Friday 19^th December

BBC interview this morning at 0500 hours. Then spoke with Helma and Jean. Weather warm. Pain in mouth, bowels and stomach. The power and control issues continue. Sensei has increased my Gyo - no-one has ever heard of such a thing. I think he and his wife have invented it. His wife has become quite hostile as the Gyo has gone on. Other priests have been forbidden to talk to me! I feel that this has now become a personal battle between myself and Sensei and his wife. They have taken control of my deshis' visits and have set such a hard Gyo. The relationship between sensei and deshi is one of love and trust but this situation is more to do with anger and power. Sensei has not even done himself the Gyo he is setting for me! However, I am strong, I will finish this Gyo, and then I will leave the temple and do my own teaching and research as per my vision. I know that it will be a hard path but others will follow.

Day 81. Saturday 20^th December

My feelings of sadness do not go away. Things have become so bad here that I am just waiting for the explosion! It is raining hard but not as cold as before. Tomorrow I start my training with Sensei. I have found out why I have ten days extra Gyo. It is a punishment for talking with a 67-year-old man who does not speak English. Events are quite unbelievable! Shintoku-san is being punished as well for being my friend. So sad!!

Day 82. Sunday 21^st December

Clear, warm day. Painting hotoke-san and cutting template for flowers. No food last night - the temple, Sensei, etc, went out to play pachinco and forgot to feed me! It is becoming quite crazy here. So much for them doing Gyo. Yet they will still do Kanjyo on my Mandalas. I am so sad. They eat, drink, and go to parties. Perhaps Buddha is teaching me another hard lesson. Sei-ri-san and mother and sister visited the temple and brought canvas for painting a Mandala for their family. It was great to see them. Sensei is teaching Zen at 1 o'clock today.

Sensei did not teach Zen today. I arrived at the temple at 1230 hours, half an hour early. After waiting for three and a half hours I gave up and went back to the dojo. Sensei's women deshi were there, playing with the Zen stick and making of a mockery of the Gyo. Sei-Ki and family visited my dojo. Sensei's head deshi came to check - she didn't take off her shoes. She said that Sensei was now ready and would I come back to the temple. I said that I would be up as soon as I had finished talking to my guests. Went back to main temple to study Yabarai. Sensei not there. I waited half an hour before his deshi came to tell me that Sensei was now ready to teach Yokudo (priest ordination). Sensei only gave me part of the procedure, namely Dainichi Bonchi, which he had not said he would do. He said that he would only teach me the rest after I finish the Gyo.

Sei-Ki-san speaks very good English and was able to tell me that Sensei said that I had offered to do the extra ten days he in fact gave me as a punishment. Why, I asked, would I, after 100 days, give myself a life-threatening Gyo just when my deshi were visiting Japan? They all know that this is a lie. Sensei has said that I cannot have A Ja Ri rank unless I do this Gyo. According to him this is "professional level". I am so angry that Sensei has taken over my deshi for their visit, as well as telling lies and drinking. It is so sad.

Day 83. Monday 22^nd December

Wet, miserable day - heavy rain. Problems persist in temple. I have decided not to eat the temple food - there is only about two weeks left and I can get through without it. Renshin-san has been threatened by the Sensei. He said her family would suffer if she left the temple and she is getting to be frightened for her family. Unbelievable!! The Sensei has also said that my dojo has become "dirty" since the visit of Sei-Ki-san and family. He seems to have forgotten that he has taught me to clear a space with Di Nitchi Nurai, Ing and Shingon. I have cleaned my dojo as a matter of routine. This is a strange thing for him to say. His priests drink and gamble and come into my dojo, but that is OK!

I had to speak with the Sensei and clear my anger, so I did so. He said that his temple is Hohkai (Buddha's place) and the words of his deshi and priests are Buddha's teachings to me, e.g. about anger. I asked him that if that were the case, were not my words to them just the same? He had not thought of that! I cleared all my fruit gifts out of my dojo and told the temple people that I did not want any more food from them until the end of my Gyo, as it's just over two weeks left. Renshin-san is always in trouble and under pressure. She seems so unhappy and cries a lot. She is now free to go home - walls have disappeared!

Day 84. Tuesday 23^rd December

I feel no anger now, all is calm in my heart. All is learning. I can choose to engage or not engage with the energy of others. This period of my journey is like a lesson in a book. The lesson has been hard but this is my choice - soon I can close the book and start another lesson. I am sad that Sensei has not taught me much to do with ceremony. He has tried and failed to get publicity from my Gyo. "Focus" magazine will not touch this temple. He tried and failed to control the BBC tapes by taking the camera and filming himself, his wife and the deshi, but the BBC would not use his tape. His deshi say he is very busy, but when I walk up to the temple he is watching sumo wrestling! So I am sad but not angry. I only hope that I get the necessary certificates from him at the end of my Gyo.

Day 85. Wednesday 24^th December

Christmas Eve and the season of peace and goodwill upon Earth. The teachings of Christ and Buddha are very similar. It is man's interpretation and issues arising from the control of people that exploit the differences of philosophy. Religion is man-made and controlled. Jesus was not a Christian and Buddha was not a Buddhist. Faith is the belief you carry all the time in your heart, and is between you and your God, or your understanding of that God - or not, as the case may be. What I am experiencing now is a power and control issue, not Mikkyo. I understand it all now and, although I feel a little sad and a little lonely, Buddha's strength and the love of the universe keep me strong. I can also feel the love of the many people who are supporting me with their thoughts and prayers. I feel the light of my candle which has been burning in my temple in England since the start of my journey. I am excited about the future. I do not know where Mikkyo will lead, but by trusting Di Nitchi Nurai all will be well, of this I am certain.

© J K Adler-Collins 2008