This is a continuation of the log of an Englishman who became a Buddist priest in Japan. As part of his initiation process he fasted on a mountainside for 100 days.

Day 42. Tuesday 11^th November

Beautiful clear, cold day. I feel a lot better. Eating omoyou today. I have eight more days before Ah Je Kan starts and things get harder again. Still painting Taizokai Mandala. My emotions are all over the place. My mind keeps wandering - am I hallucinating or is what I see real? What is real? Pain washing over me like a sea. BBC tape sent out by escape route.

Day 43. Wednesday 12^th November

Cloudy and raining hard. It is nice to hear the rain. I am feeling much better, having rested and eaten omoyou. The last few days have been quite a shock to me. I must preserve my energy and not get involved with all the other issues of the temple. Painting Mandala again today. Feeling much better this evening. Walked up to main temple, spoke with Shintoku. Prayers for Je Ko Ski-san.

Day 44. Thursday 13^th November

Sei Kei's birthday. Clear, cool, crisp day. Heavy rainstorm last night. Feeling great. I am finding it hard to walk up to the main temple every day - it's quite a hill! I repainted the background of the Mandala today. It was a challenge but has turned out great. The final design of the petals is the yin/yang symbol with the Dainichi Nyorai of the Kongokai and the Dainichi Nyorai of the Taizokai. All that's left to do is to paint Di Nitchi Nurai and they will both be finished. I am still weak and find that moving about is getting harder. I keep nearly falling over! I really cannot be bothered with food at all but know I must eat the omoyou. There is still a long way to go.

I am saying 1000 prayers for Je Ko and Sei Ki-san who are both sick. I am afraid for Je Ko-san and feel that she has the signs of cancer about her. Sei Ki-san is being treated for cancer, but she was clear last time. Fingers crossed. Helma went through all this a couple of years ago and is fine now. Shintoku is well.

Sensei came back to the main temple today. He did not visit me here at the dojo.

There is no way you can get through this on your own power, you must give yourself up to the world of Buddha. Perhaps I must learn to truly give myself up. I feel detached from my body, dreamlike people are near me, my prayers feel more real than the reality I am living. The pain is like a familiar friend, I welcome it because it tells me I am alive, I think! More prayers for Je Ko and Sei Ki-san.

Day 45. Friday 14^th November

Great night's sleep. The room filled with a greenish/yellow light at about 0300 hours. Very beautiful and strange. The room got much colder. I did not feel in any danger. Great experience. Sensei gave me the shingon for my Taizokai Mandala today. He is very happy with it.

Day 46. Saturday 15^th November

Cloudy and warm today. Great news - the Taizokai Mandala is finished and looks beautiful. I am very proud of it. I learned so much while painting it. There's an M.Phil in these Mandalas alone!

Day 47. Sunday 16^th November

Rained hard in the night. I did not sleep well. I am a little depressed this morning. Painting the Mandalas was so much a part of my day and now the day seems very empty. But I had some great experiences while doing the painting.

Day 48. Monday 17^th November

Raining, dark and cloudy today. I do like the sound of rain. Slept well, feeling a little better. Not hungry, but feeling a little anxious about Ah Je Kan Gyo which will bring about more changes. The colour of my eyes has changed. They were blue, but are now dark with silver spots - strange, that. I can still manage to walk up to the main temple. It is quite a struggle but I think the exercise is important and it is a good discipline.

Day 49. Tuesday 18^th November

Cold and raining. 10°C, strong winds. Called Helma and spoke for about 5-10 minutes. She seems happy but is worried about Jean, who needs more tests. The doctors say she has cancer of the bowel and diverticulitis. A lot to worry about. Cleaned the room today and am getting ready for Ah Je Kan. Painting the walls of my dojo with Buddhas. One more day and then we are half way through! I am still not happy with things in the main temple.

Day 50. Wednesday 19^th November

Clear, cold day. Slept well. Went up to the main temple as usual. Spoke with Shintoe-san. Usual temple problems. Wall painting again - I cannot seem to stop. Ah Je Kan starts soon. I am not feeling strong in my body.

Day 51. Thursday 20^th November

Half way!! Up to main temple for Ah Je Kan training. All set to start. Spent rest of day on the mountain, nice and quiet. Good night, great dreams.

© J K Adler-Collins 2008