I have five children and a sense of humour. Thank god for that because without a sense of humour, I would be crying in a drain somewhere. Bringing up my children wasn't easy and I am the first one to tell you that because of the way I wanted to bring them up and the way they wanted to be brought up ,there were always clashes, usually with them winning. Most families have their problems and because of these we learn to grow up with a sense of fairness , a sense of love , and a sense of dog eat dog attitude that grows into havoc.

I guess all families have their moments and we are no exception . Its these moments that happen when you wish the ground would open up and drop you right in it , but no, you carry on like a mad thing screaming at the top of your voice with words and spit pouring out your mouth like a fire hose that is swishing all about, making no sense, Its these precious moments that this hub  is all about and if you have similar happenings , let me know in the comment section located at the bottom of the page

 It is an afternoon one Saturday that I open my eyes after a very deep sleep, stagger out to the lounge room and flop into my chair to watch something on television.
Still very tired ,rubbing my eyes to get any particles of dream dirt out of them, I try to focus on the box which was playing in front of me. The kids were playing a game of something, probably ALEX THE KID or another one of those games that the kids beat you at every time , when a voice comes to my right ear and whispers " Dad! I need school books and some other things for school. Could you give me $10.00 so I can go over to the shops and get them Mum said it was okay!?"
"Yeah alright, if your mother says so then it would be alright" I said noticing that it left me with nothing left in my wallet except maybe a few dead moths and 45 maxed out credit cards.
He raced out the door with the Ten dollars flapping in the wind, so relieved that I didn't make a fuss and not even looking back to see if I had changed my mind.

I fell asleep again which was pretty normal for a Saturday afternoon for me as I worked very long hours during the week and I always worked Saturday mornings leaving me at the end of the week ,totally drained.

Again that little voice whispered in my ear " Dad! can I have another ten dollars?"
I woke up pretty quick and bleated "What happened to the last ten dollars that I gave you not half an hour ago!" "Well! I was going over to the shops when I was mugged and the ten dollars taken off me. He was a really big person Dad and if I didn't give it to him he was going to screw my neck until my eyes pop out!!"

"Okay! Where abouts did this happen " I asked him looking to see if he was having me on. " Over on the bus stop near the plaza" " Lets go " I said dragging him by the arm, out the door across the road and down to the bus stop.

There were about twenty people standing on the bus stop waiting for their bus to eventuate when we came up to them . " Okay! which one of these mongrels mugged you son?" You could hear the deathly silence creeping along the footpath ."Come on! Who mugged you" I screamed as people started to move back with looks of awe and terror. "I am not sure who it was now . I can't remember!"

I looked at the crowd, now realizing that maybe I was being had , tripped on the gutter , grabbed him by the arm and went home . I sat in the chair in front of the television ,my eyes not seeing what was on and my brain already trying to get even. " I day" I thought , I am going to put this one into my memory of things ,never to forget and AM going to get even , one day when he least suspects it, the joke will be on him .

 Again Saturday afternoon being really tired and sleep hanging off my eyelids, I dragged myself into the hall way of our modest home and was confronted by a terrible smell. Not just a terrible smell ,one that puts tears into your eye ducts, and it was coming from our hallway bathroom.
One of the children must have just gone to the toilet and hadn't sprayed toilet spray after going. I do not remember how many times I had told them "SPRAY, SPRAY, SPRAY AFTER YOU GO TO THE TOILET" and here once again the odour was engulfing me. That was enough for me! I just had enough! . THIS TIME I WAS GOING TO TEACH THEM A LESSON ONCE AND FOR ALL.
At the top of voice, and they don't call me bucket mouth for nothing, I went,
"POOH! POOOH! This place smell like a sewer, can't anyone use the spray anymore?. POOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! " I screamed hoping that what ever child of mine was in the toilet, they would at last get the message. One more for good measure I thought to make sure that they got the right idea.
"POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HHHHHHHHHHH" My breath said forcing past my tonsils " THIS JOINT STINKS!!"

My daughter came racing into the hallway, telling me to shush and let me know that
her girlfriend was using our toilet and was still in there."God!  "What do they eat at their place" I Remarked as I walked out into the afternoon sun went over to the garden bed and stuck my head, head first into the dirt.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in the middle of summer, not a cloud in the sky when the kids all yelled at me "Come on Dad! "Lets all go to the waterworks. They have great water slides and pools and everything. It doesn't cost much! Only a few dollars and we can even have lunch there" The though of having hot dogs with mustard dripping down the side was too much for me, so grabbing Mum and all the kids , we set off for the waterworks singing "Row, row, your boat, gently up the stream"
The waterworks was really packed out , and with lineups to obtain food the longest, we decided to have a swim first .I took them all up to the top of the waterworks where all the water slides started . They looked really scary to me when a little voice whispered in my ear "Dad! Have a go on the water slide!" "No! " I remarked. "They look they are for experienced riders only " And the little voice said " No! Not these slides. Over There is the beginners slides. They are for people that are only learning"I looked at the slide and small child of seven or eight went sailing down , so not to be outdone I decided to have ago. After all ,it was the beginners.
I hopped on my mat and pushed off down the beginners slide.
The first thing I realized as I screamed around a right angled bend with my false teeth protruding out the left side of my mouth was that this slide was no beginners.
After screaming into a black hole from which there was no return , I ended up going backwards then suddenly dropped twenty feet or so making an acute left hand turn that left me upside down on the roof of the tunnel , I careered out into daylight at a thousand miles an hour into a large pool. The waves I made , being sixteen stone or so are still talked talked about today. People floated past in their armchairs and I ended up at the end of the nearly empty pool gasping for breath.
" Where is that mongrel kid " I screamed ." THATS TWO "