Feral cats are loyal pets, that is after you have spent six months under the bed getting them used to you. We, or rather my wife has 17 cats, all of which were in need at the point where she took them in. Of these 17, 5 were feral. One came from a canal , taking four months from first sight to eating out of her hands. One was from a factory. This one I spent six months coaxing her out from under the bed. Three came from a distribution centre, though not at the same time. They all have one thing in common, a completely unfair and intense hatred of me!

They lounge around the room quite happy until I come in and then make a point of shunning me, by which I dont mean that they disappear. more that they saunter off having taken the time to give me a look of total disdain. They treat me like an unwanted relative, they have to accept  my presence but they dont need to accept me. It hurts, even though the other twelve cats wind themselves around my legs until I trip up, or sit on my face happily at night until I almost suffocate. The fact that these 5 ferals can eat food I have paid for, sleep on my chair (usually when I want it-though I dare not try), get cuddles of K my wife yet ignore me in a pointed way hurts.

K says it is because I am a man.

A thought has occurred to me as I write. Maybe the 5 ferals like me so they dont try to trip me up or suffocate me. This would mean I am hated by twelve and liked by five. That would be worse.

All 17 cats love K.. What has she got, felinely speaking, that I havn't? Maybe it is scent thing. Or maybe certain women and cats think alike. It is the old witches familiar thing all over again. I hope K doesn't read that or I will find out for sure.

When a black cat crosses my path, I fall over it. When it crosses k's path, it moves in, inhabits most of my side of the bed, eats through my wages with Vet bills and cat food and attacks me at every opportunity.

K says they are cute.

I now have a dog. I thought that would be a man thing. The cats love him. He loves them. He loves K.

It is a conspiracy against men. I have decided that there is a secret war going on. It is not cats v dogs, they are all on the same side. They side with the women, we cannot win. They all take the best seats and I have to lie on the carpet.

Sometimes, late at night, I hear them outside my door, purring. Waiting. licking their lips.........