I was never a binger or a starver. I was an all day nibbler- but I was just as driven. Hovering at the treats table at a party was my thing, and I had it down to a science. If you were slow and nonchalant about it, no-one would really know how much you had eaten.

In those days, I never knew that binge eating, anorexia, and compulsive overeating were all manifestations of the same disease- food addiction. In fact, for most of the years of my young life I did not even know that food addiction existed, or that it was a problem. I lived the problem day in and out, on and off the scales, on and off diets, and up and down emotionally with the variances of my weight. But I had never heard of this as a problem.

As I look back, I wasn't even in denial. I just did not know there was anything to deny. Addiction- all addiction- is a body, mind, spirit phenomenon. In food addiction, you crave the many elements of food that are chemically addicting (sugar, wheat, flour) but you also crave the feeling of complete and utter numbness that comes with it. I came to peace with food in a program called Overeater's Anonymous. I finally succumbed to allowing others to help me, and eventually, of my own choice, I gave up eating all sugar wheat and flour products.

Here is an excerpt from a anonymous story I found. Although many of us may not be this extreme, there is no saying that we may not get there. Addiction- all addiction- is progressive and gets worse as time goes by. I hope this person's story will help you understand the very real and killing problem of food addiction.

The streets team with activity. Business beckons. Individual people focus on their individual purpose. I am without real purpose on this Manhattan avenue here on a downswing of another mindless burst of loose energy. My forces have dissipated. I feel the edge of the gray cloud of a binge. I ignore it: I push it away to focus instead on the glamor of the shop windows and the glitter of the street vendors' wares. I walk; half looking for a subway, half addressing the feeling that is now nagging-tapping me on the shoulder like the haunted ghosts of memories buried alive. It's useless to fight it now. I check the time; 10:20 a.m. I have about an hour to purge myself of the horror about to come.

The gourmet deli is before me. Muffins, croissants, and delicate pastries beckon me with thier cloying scent. A real 'city binge' I think crazily, comparing with the Hostess and Drakes binges of the Queens. I buy a large chocolate mile, a buttered bagel, a peanut butter cookie, and a tremendous chocolate chip muffin. I pay quickly, counting neither what I offer, nor the change. The numbness is starting.

I leave the store and tear the wrapper from whatever is on top. The bagel. I need the milk. All is geared to bringing it up later. Eating and drinking, I stop at another deli. Everything goes back in the bag as I enter the store. More mindless choices. Another bagel, a chocolate croissant, some pastries. I leave continuing to eat, thinking of nothing else.

The people along the next few blocks see me eating. I make no eye contact. They see me eating something. I entertain the notion that they meet up with each other at some point and compare notes. I am aware of the absurdity of the thought. One more stop before I hit the subway. A few more pastries, a couple of buttered rolls and another drink. She overcharges me but I ignore this. It's interrupting the binge.

Now consider that a compulsive eater does much the same thing- but he or she keeps it down and lives with the bloated sick feelings. And consider that an anorexic does not eat- for fear that the food will take him or her over. If you consider all of that, you can sort of get a picture of food addiction.

Please stay tuned, as I will continue this story in my next entry.

I was reading an entry from a food addict's website, Daily Strength.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Food_Addiction/forum/7957992-slipping-into-relaps

The entry was called Slipping into Relapse, and you can visit it if you like. The person who was speaking said " I allowed myself a Sprite and piece of cake on my birthday and it's been downhill ever since...and I am out of control with my food."

I could hear her desperation and it brought me back to my desperate days with food. For many people various foods are physically addicting. They set up a craving that many of us can not seem to control, no matter how we try. And is is only through the 12 steps of OA and a higher powerthat we can get back to center. That and staying on our food plan, away from the foods that affect us.

Other people in the world may laugh, but for many food addicts this phenomenon is very real.

Blessings to the writer of this entry. May you find strength, hope, and tools in getting back to OA.

Please read some of my other writings on various topics on my blogs. Below is an excerpt from a recent article I wrote called On Heaven, Hell, and The Law of Attraction Energy

www.hubpages.com/hub/Law-Of-Attraction-Energy

Let us consider that Jesus’ point was not that we become Christians, then get the prize- which is the Kingdom of Heaven. After all there was no such thing as Christianity at the time, so how could he be discussing that.  So instead let us suppose that the point Jesus was making was that we become Christ-like. The point was that we follow the light of God within us, as taught by Jesus. (And coincidentally as also taught by Ghandi, Buddha, Martin Luther King Jr., and many other great spiritual leaders.) Let us suppose that when we become Christ-like, regardless of our religion, we have found eternal life. Because being Christ-like, in its highest sense, encompasses our light, and our love, and all that is good and beautiful. And GOD is the life/light/love force in the universe. So he, and we, are eternal.

My father has been on my mind a lot this week in conjunction with this blog. He passed away a week ago Monday, and so it has been a rough two weeks. In addition, his major ailment was diabetes; otherwise know as the food addiction disease.

In the days of my childhood my dad and I had a great time together, and our time always included goodies. Ice cream, donuts, and candy bars were among our favorites. We laughed and sang and ate in a fairy tale world where I had never even heard of food addiction or cravings.

One of the ways my dad and I bonded was through food, and there was no question about it.

But as my dad grew older and I began to learn about food addiction I began to wonder, was it really worth it? Could eating all of those 'goodies' for a lifetime really be worth spending your declining years listless in a chair, unable to walk, see, sing, or even swallow. And wouldn't the 'something special' my dad and I had together still have been as strong even without our constant binging on sweets.

And what is odd to note is that by the end my father had lost all capacity to eat anything at all. And in reality, he died from not being able to eat.

So what is there to say about all of this? I know for me I lived a full seven years with no traces of sugar, wheat, or flour in my body- as well as a whole host of other ingredients. And it took a lot of work because in truth there is hardly a box, can, or jar on a grocery store shelf that does not contain at least one of these ingredients, and usually they have a lot more than one. Now I live mostly craving- free, perhaps because it also takes seven years for the cells in a human body to replace themselves. Considering that the cells in your body literally become addicted to those substances, I probably don't have any addicted cells left.

During the week of my dad's death, I played in the arena of eating some no-no foods. In some ways I think it was a last and feeble attempt to connect with my dad, who was gone by then. But I can tell you that I don't suggest this as a good idea. I have had my days of intense and unmanageable cravings, and it's not fun. So I know that seven years or no seven years, it is best for me to stay on the straight and narrow.

So here is where I am left regarding this whole issue. My dad could not avoid his fate. He didn't know about food addiction, or what to do about it. And so he followed an inevitable path to destruction. I have another possibility. I can stick to the foods that make me feel healthy and vibrantly alive and that do not cause cravings. And I can educate others on how to do the same. And I can hope that the grocery stores eventually begin to offer us more options. And by doing this, I can most fully honor my father's love- and his greatness. For he was a truly amazing man, in every way.

Every day as we walk around our world we hear about people fighting food cravings. We hear people proclaiming that whenever they eat pasta, or home-baked bread, or chocolate cake they just can't stop. People are even prone to laugh at themselves and tell you flat out, they are addicted to something. But perhaps, when you really look at it, food addiction is not a funny thing. Perhaps if you look closely, you might even call food addiction a debilitating disease.

Now it may seem extreme to say that food addiction is debilitating. So let's take a look and see what I mean.

It is often said that society favors thin people, and that the model for beauty is skin-and-bones. Now this is probably true and I don't deny it. But if you are a size 14, and you want to be a size 8, and you know this is your ideal size, as well as very achievable. And yet you can't get there because of all the cookies, pasta, and bread you eat, even as you say you don't want to. Then you have a problem. And the problem is that you are fighting food cravings.

At this point you may wonder what it wrong with you. You may wonder why you have no will power. You might try diets and feel your mood swing, as you starve yourself and your blood sugar goes down. You may become irritable and grouchy as you 'white-knuckle it' with your family. Then you might give up and go eat all you want for a few weeks. You then might watch the pounds you lost come back on, with extra pounds as interest. And once again you are bound to feel there is something wrong with you.

Food addiction as it progresses will soon lead to extreme fluctuation in blood sugar due to the overeating of processed carbohydrates. This will cause bouts of lethargy and sleepiness, and irritability. Certainly obesity will set in, or perhaps a person's behavior will become bulimic. Now the journey for the food addict is perilous. It becomes a psychological addiction to stay thin, inside of the physical addiction to eat more. By the end metabolisms are destroyed, diets on longer work, self-esteem in this area has all but disappeared. And the food addicts very life may be in danger.

People who take another path in food addiction often become anorexic. They decide it is better not to eat at all, than to fight the cravings, or be fat. This of course is life threatening. Now if you don't become anorexic or bulimic, but you do continue in your addiction, by the age 60 you will be a diabetic. Your body will have used up its supply of insulin over the many years of carb abuse, and it will begin to deteriorate rapidly. In this case you will lessen the very years of your life, and those last years will be painful in myriad ways.

And this is the thing about which we joke at parties as we eat our 10th cookie.

I want you to know that it is possible to stop fighting food cravings. There are various programs of help for food addicts. The one I have attended is called Overeaters Anonymous. If your addiction is very extreme, you may want to attend a program called Food Addicts Anonymous. You will also need a food plan that does not include the foods that you are addicted to. And there are many other tools I can tell you about in later articles. But for now, suffice it to say, there are sources of help. And you can find them. You just need to you look.

For more help, check out my links above.