Find Love

In my book, The Successfully Single Syndrome, I discuss the necessity for a single person who is looking for a lifetime partner to view life as a race throughout this process.  Today, young singles postpone tying the knot.  Instead of marrying a college mate from a prime pool of candidates, they concentrate on their careers and settle for  various, less serious relationships.  Then, suddenly, they are forty years old with no mate, no family, no prospects. 

To find love; attention, reflection and consideration needs to be given as to how individuals have spent their single years—what they have experienced in the dating scene. A different approach is required depending upon whether a person has never been married, is divorced, or has been widowed. Either way, "chemistry" plays a huge role and it is generally gender specific in that a man decides in about two minutes if he is attracted to a woman; while a woman often requires about two hours to gauge her interest in a man. It's true that some singles feel chemistry immediately but many happy, permanent relationships and marriages have developed slowly, too. God definitely played a joke on us by having women evolve into matronly characteristics while men their same age simultaneously require for the male libido the female attractiveness bestowed on the young.

These are particularly difficult years for a woman to quickly land a promising mate for babies, as they invariably feel the dream of a family slipping away, while the men often still enjoy their "commitment-phobia." Everybody gets sick and tired of the "one-date" experiences and the quasi-successful-serial-monogamous-relationships; and most have spent years of wasted ticks of the clock with the wrong prospects. The current result is that our culture is experiencing a critical increase of quality singles over forty—unmarried and childless—with seriously diminished potential for their dreams to come true. As these years pass, the situation for singles becomes confusing, disillusioning, hurtful, lonely, and depressing. Often they experience a vacillation between less-than-successful attempts to find fulfillment without their soul-mate; and feeling compelled to marry the next willing, attractive person who comes along in order to "beat the clock." Many attempts at the latter end disastrously, simply because they fail to act wisely, decisively and rationally. They meander through what may prove to be the most important journey in their lives without the joy that can be had in the process.

In the quest to find love, today's single population faces challenges that are complex, comprehensive and often difficult to overcome. The window of opportunity to find love is ever closing. Let's face it: when we do get married it is a one-shot deal (we hope). Obviously, if prior dating experiences had been felicitous you'd be happily married now. Finding your soul-mate ideally involves a caring, educated, generous and experienced matchmaker. Precision is necessary to find the love of your life—with the characteristics you can remain in love with forever. Don't waste time in flawed relationships when you see caution lights—Run! You'll need the time to continue on the path to success.