Today I was asked "Why did you join eHarmony?". That really made me think, because online dating just seems like a logical part of the personal life of today's modern professional. I understand the question was really meant to determine how serious I am about settling down, but it just made me think about how we choose to "date and mate" in these times, and why.

As a busy professional, I want to maximize my leisure time. Most of my pursuit is during odd hours of the evening, randomly throughout the week. With everything going on, it works out fine for me if we play "tag" online and I do the research on my own. If it is a good match, we will find a way to sync up later. I also like to screen out potential dates that just simply don't strike me as a "good match", so online makes it non-confrontational and honest (at least I'm honest). Chemistry may not happen on date one, or date two, but there needs to be some common ground if you want to find a good mate. My heart has not decided if there is "Love at first sight", if you "Grow to love your best friend", or if marriage is a business transaction and it just seems to be a convenience. Traditionally, in many cultures, marriages were arranged and people went through life making family a "business". The romantic side of me does not like that concept, but the practical side of me is tired of not finding the "perfect mate" and not "falling madly in love". This topic is a great discussion to have with a potential mate. If you both agree, that just might be the key to the "match".

Another friend recently informed me that it is my responsibility to "carry on the bloodline", and that I'd better start on it soon. The biological clock is ticking... although I was rather surprised by this conversation, it too made me think. The family tree could die because of me. If I forget about the tree, then I think about what life in 10 years would be, without children. This is just making the dating scene more of an obligation than being fun. I was really hoping I could enjoy the dating quest. More and more, the fun is more like a business transaction. Maybe the fun is the reward, after I meet Mister Wonderful. ???

My first online dating was years ago, when "speed dating" started to become popular. The concept is fun. Bring ladies and gentlemen together and let them talk to each other for a few minutes. It's like having 8 dates in one night (or more). The scene is a restaurant or lounge, so there is food and beverage available. People are free to mingle and meet before and after the event. The key to success with this one is to look presentable and engage in interesting conversation. The typical questions people ask when they are not prepared don't work here. Instead of "What do you do?", it is more effective to ask: "What is the wildest thing you have ever done?", "If you could meet anyone in the world, who would it be?", or "What is your ideal first date?". Using a scorecard, each person determines if they would like to meet again. After the event, the host compares scorecards and emails each participant their "matches". (A match means each person agreed that they would like to meet again.) Emails and/or phone numbers are exchanged, and you communicate with your "matches".

No matter how you see it, dating requires interaction.  Interaction is at the risk of confrontation and rejection.  On the flip, dating can be fun, like a journey to your future.  "Dating Online" is a flexible way to search at any time of the day, without requiring you to be physically present when you introduce yourself.  Modern technology can be used to our advantage.  It can be efficient, but it not always accurate.  Ultimately, truly getting to know someone and feeling "chemistry" do not happen without meeting face to face.

I will continue to search online;  I will continue to search in person;  And I will continue to enjoy the "dating game".