Finding The Right Therapist

While I am hardly an expert in this area of life, I have been dealing with the issue of finding the right therapist for a while so I thought it made sense to share my experience.  For some of us making the decision to 'go into therapy' is tough enough in and of itself.  There are several reasons why making the choice to seek psychological help can be such a difficult process.  Social stigma is certainly one of them.  Even if you don't buy into the social stigma attached to therapy, it is still a part of the collective consciousness... it's in the ether, and it impacts the way we operate.  Add to this an upbringing that viewed people with mental health issues as weak, and it's no surprise that taking the first step to get help is a major obstacle for millions.

Trial and Error

When I first decided to go to therapy, I went into the counseling center at the university I was attending.  Big mistake.  I am sure that some of these situations work out well for the 'patient,' but in this case I felt like every issue and emotion I put forth was normalized.  It was as if we had nothing to talk about.  I think the psychologist was probably overworked between being a professor and working in the counseling center.  If my feelings weren't really all that odd, what was I doing in her office?  Good way to get rid of me, make me feel good (temporarily), and lighten her workload.  This approach was not what I was looking for.  'Normal' or not (and really, what the heck is 'normal' in the first place?), I was feeling lots of things that needed to be addressed, not politely dismissed.  So I set out apart from the college campus to truly begin the process of finding the right therapist.

I searched my health care provider's Website and selected a therapist on two criteria:  One, it had to be a female and two, last name.  I knew nothing of these people on the list.  I wasn't talking to others about my battle with anxiety and depression so referrals were out of the question.  I knew, though, that I would be really uncomfortable opening up to another guy.  This topic deserves its own hub, but I don't do well in conversation with most guys.  I prefer talking to girls... they actually discuss how they feel sometimes.  And if the last name looked good, well, that was a harmless way to set someone apart.  The person I picked shared the last name of an old-time hockey player... and come to find out he happened to be her uncle through marriage! 

Long story short, despite her hockey connection she did not work.  She was nice, but probably younger than me and more importantly, new at the job.  She offered very little in terms of critical engagement.  And this is what I seek in therapy - someone to engage me intellectually.  The questions I am looking for answers to might very well be unanswerable, but I would rather spend the rest of my life pondering them than merely cast them aside as too complex to grapple with.  This might be naive of me, but it's who I am. 

So I hit the Internet and hit the jackpot.  I found a wonderful therapist and we had about 2-3 months worth of wonderful sessions.  We had fantastic conversations and she actually was executing a course of action in therapy that could have worked with me had I let it... had I been in a frame of mind to let it happen.  I wasn't.  And while seeing her, I essentially had what amounted to nervous breakdown.  After that I moved and could no longer see that therapist.  Along with a pile of other things, this remains a major regret of mine from a rather tumultuous time period.

A year passed before I actually got back into therapy.  I found a therapist.  And prior to only our fourth session together, I called and terminated the relationship.  Nice person, but it was just not going to work.  I felt like I was trying to have a conversation with my mother.  Never a good thing, especially when your mother is identified as one source of so much of your angst!  I also felt like my feelings and emotions and quirks were not being understood.  It was like they were being minimized.  Sure all of these things that annoy you exist in the world, but they are there and they are not going anywhere so you have to rise above them.  Easy to say... and I know this, but not being able to rise above it all is exactly why I am in your office!!  Plus, she tried pushing another medication on me... I was out.

So the search continues... I hope this is helpful to someone... and if you have any advice or know a great therapist in Los Angeles, please do let me know!!