I try Foreign Internet Dating

If you're an older gent like me, maybe you've also decided that dating is tiring. It's also a big waste of money.

American women seem mostly to be materialistic. If you don't own a home and a relatively new car, or can't provide them with "stuff," you're out. It's "Take me, show me, buy me."

Nowadays, girlfriends seem like no more than expensive pets. At least a pet doesn't nag or cheat on you. They don't eat as much, and don't mind eating in and watching a DVD instead of going out to dinner and a movie. Of course, a pet isn't satisfying in other ways a girlfriend would be.

So, as I started to come to the conclusion a pet wasn't enough. But, what to do?

I began to consider foreign cultures for dating.

Now I know that even for close-by women, Yahoo personals are a gamble. The photos are usually old. You're also lucky if a woman doesn't turn out to be a guy! Yahoo does no screening for scammers. If someone complains, they might cut off the account, but it's virtually impossible to call or email a human at Yahoo to complain. Yahoo doesn't dirty its hands by direct contact with their dirty old customers.

About this time, I got an email from an attractive Russian lady via Yahoo. I started to really search for any pitfalls of foreign dating on-line. It seemed no more risky than any other on-line dating. Just be cautious about sending anyone money, the sites warned.

This lady, Natasha, seemed quite safe and a strong possibility. She already had a ticket to the US, and had friends here. She said she was only checking along her proposed travel route for people to meet.

The only question mark, at first, was that she was 28 and interested to meet me, a 60 year old man. However, she was just talking friendship. European cultures don't stigmatize age as much as we do. So, I thought, why not?

We began to correspond daily. She seemed to like my sense of humor and appreciate my dry outlook on things in general. She seemed well educated, too. Her sexy but tasteful photos didn't hurt, either.

The anti-scam sites, such as www.russian-scam.org had lists of warning signs. They especially emphasized not to believe anyone who asked for money or proclaimed love after a few emails. They also warned against much younger women interested in older men. They admit that a difference of 15 years isn't unusual for even a very classy Russian woman. So, I was on my toes, but not very suspicious.

Well, at least I was primed for the other foot to fall. The day "Natasha" was supposed to leave for the US, there was a problem. She had stayed in contact, saying she'd made it to Moscow for the flight here. However, surprise,surprise, she'd lost her US visa. She needed about $900 to quickly get another one. Even naive I knew by this time a visa was not nearly so expensive.

I started browsing the photos of known scammers on russian-scam.org and - sure enough: there was "Natasha's" photo; with another name, of course! She had several names, in fact.

The site's notes on her showed many, many men had sent her money to replace her "lost" visa or obtain medical care for her mother. One of her photos showed a passport and visa with yet another name!

I decided to have some fun with Natasha. I sent her an email expressing my concern at her plight. I told her "I think I have the solution. I'll get back to you later today." She begged me to hurry, as she'd miss her flight.

Later, I did send her another email: "Natasha, here's the solution to all your problems! I found a passport and visa on line with your photo and other needed information already on it! All you have to do is print this out and show it to the authorities. It will prove you already have the required documents!"

I attached a pdf of the phony paperwork I'd found on line. Do I need to tell you she never responded again?

The only sad part is the long list of men she'd scammed before. Oh, and the fact that I was still without a girlfriend.

I continued researching. I got another email. This Ukrainian lady, Ekaterina, sounded nice and very educated. She was closer to my age, and seemed to eagerly answer my emails promptly and with a lot of detail. The only thing that puzzled me was that the answers seemed a bit stilted. Ekaterina seemed to key off a word I'd use in a sentence, but reply to it obliquely. Well, that could be the translator, or her own limited English. She certainly spoke better English than I did Russian.

About this time I found out that there are computer programmers, not all of them Russian, who create "fuzzy logic" programs which can respond to conversation. The programs troll email addresses, until they get a response. The program itself can pick up on gender, general age range, education, and other factors. They respond in kind, according to a formula.

By a certain point, the program will become "infatuated" with the man at the other end... I'm guessing they also are programmed to work on a woman respondent.

This is what the scam sites warn about: Be wary of someone getting too romantic too early. This is just not done, even by a desperate Russian woman, as long as she has, or wants to display some amount of class.

Once a respondent goes past this point, the human scammer takes over, weaving a web to get money. There is even a Russian name for Americans who fall for the program: "Frogs."

A big tip-off to a scam is a request to send money via Western Union. No other way will do for a scammer. He can pick up the money at any office, and leave no trace. Western Union's site even has a stern warning about this. Such cheating must be wide-spread... and WU must have been sued a few times.

So, I was duly warned.

Sure enough, the conversation turned to money. By this time I was bored, so I just gave a rude brush-off answer, calling the programmer by his presumed name: "Boris, Ivan, or whoever you really are."

OK, that wasn't working. But, now I was hearing that Chinese women were the way to go. There was NOT even one scam site reporting widespread scams by Chinese women.

I'd been to Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Singapore and did like the culture. I especially liked what Chinese women were taught about their role in a relationship.''

No, it's a myth that they are totally submissive. That's not what I'm looking for, anyway. Who wants an Asian Stepford Wife?

No, Chinese women are quite smart, creative, even crafty.  They know they have to give a little to get what they want.

In Chinese families, the man seems to be in charge. However, you can usually find an elderly matriarch who really calls the shots. This actually appeals to me!

But, Chinese women take their role in a relationshp very seriously. They are much less likely to divorce. The US Immigration "Service's*" own statistics bear out a much lower divorce rate. US citizens who bring Chinese women here to marry divorce a little less than half as often as two domestic marriage partners.

(* Political aside:  I put "service" in quotation marks because they don't really provide a service to us.  Their job is to keep people out, not let them in. And boy do they limit it!  Unless the immigrants are terrorists with box-cutters! ) 

Anyway, looking toward the East sounded good.

About this time, I got an email from a Chinese lady named "Rose."

Next time: Chapter 2 - Responding to Rose.