Finding a Dead Body
90It's not like you go out searching for one. It's just not something most people want to see. Finding a dead body is almost always a very traumatic experience, and that's because that it's almost always a friend, relative, or other loved one that finds the body.
The Inevitable
The simple fact is that every single one of us will die. Consequently, someone will find the body. The circumstances can vary but the psychological impact remains the same. Take, for instance, the elderly lady that finds her elderly husband in bed and he won't wake up. On the other end of the spectrum we have search parties of hundreds of voulunteers looking for the body of an abducted teenager, and although they are looking for it, they are never prepared to actually find the body. Finding a dead body has such a psychological impact because none of us ever wants to say goodbye.
The Initial Reaction
The initial reaction is almost always shock, and that's completely understandable. The other reactions branch off from this because everybody is different. For example, that initial shock might turn into frantic behavior, shortness of breath, dizzying thoughts, sadness, nausea, terror, confusion, or even acceptance.
What Next?
This will depend on the situation. Sometimes that initial shock turns into frantic behavior and the person who finds the body attempts CPR or some other life-saving technique although it's clear that the person has been dead awhile. If the death was expected (elderly folks or those with terminal illness), the best bet would be to call the Police (not 9-1-1!) and the funeral home of your choice. By calling 9-1-1, you will require the city to send out the ambulance and they will be required to attempt CPR. That is unneccessary and wastes taxpayer dollars. I can't tell you how many calls my husband has gone out on like that (he's a medic). By calling the Police, they will coordinate everything and call the coroner. Once the coroner is done with his investigation, the funeral home will transport the body back to the mortuary.
If the death was not expected (young person or the body was found in an unusual location for example), then you should call 9-1-1. If there aren't any visible signs of decomposition (purple or green discoloration, purge, bloating, etc.) and the body looks like it could still be alive, attempt CPR immediately after calling 9-1-1.
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The Psychological Impact
Finding a dead body, especially that of a loved one, is very traumatic. It broke my grandma's heart to find my grandfather "asleep" in bed. She took his coffee to him and he wouldn't wake up. Even though his dying of a heart attack in his sleep was a shock, it wasn't completely unexpected for his age and weight. Nevertheless, for my grandmother to find him like that sealed a permanent unpleasant image in her mind. My husband has a very tragic story about him walking into his house to find that his roommate had shot himself in the head. Although he was clearly dead, my medic husband attempted CPR because coming upon such a scene made him frantic. What he saw that day is permanently imprinted in his mind. It's just something that you can never forget not matter how much you want to.
A Funeral Can Help
The idea of a funeral is to offer an environment that's conducive to the grieving process. It's a place where it's okay to cry, laugh, share memories, and reflect on the life of a loved one. If embalming has taken place and the body is viewable, there may be a time set aside for a viewing or visitation period. This will help allow for a more decent "memory picture" in your mind of your deceased loved one. The embalming process can drastically alter the appearance of the body by taking away any discoloration and setting the features to make the body look more peaceful and at rest.
Final Thoughts
I hope that you never have to go through the terrible tragedy of finding a dead body, but if you do, just know that you're not alone. Just keep your cool and contact the right authorities to handle the situation.
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Comments
It's not a pleasant thing. When I was a little kid, I was at the beach with my mom and she noticed an old man who (she thought) had been in the water too long. The guy's wife was asleep in a beach chair. No lifeguards were on duty, so my mom went in and pulled him out. He apparently had a heart attack while swimming. The widow said he hadn't been swimming in years. Very sad and my first peek at a dead body. I was 5 or 6.
Wow rockinjoe, that's an incredible story! I'll bet you remember that day pretty well, huh? Hard to forget something like that. I was hoping that people would share their stories even though it might be difficult. Thanks.
I don't have a story but I feel you're doinga great thing to let people know what to do because they don't have any pre-programmed responses to a sitch like that. Fantastic HUB emma. Looking forward to reading more of you.
Emma,
I always find it traumatic when I see a dead body. Every funeral I've been to I always end up blubbering like a baby. When I lived in China I saw a dead body on the side of the road early one morning when I was riding my scooter back home on a country road. That was more scary than traumatic. I was riding along on my scooter when I saw what I indeed thought was a body lying on the side of the road. As I got closer, I noticed it (hmmm. my mind just typed 'it' and not 'he') didn't have a shirt on. Closer... and I saw a huge gash in its side. At the point I freaked and swerved my bike to the other side of the road and kept on riding. I didn't know what to do and just felt it was better to move on. It was early in the morning so I knew it would be discovered quite quickly. But, I must say, coming up on that so early in the morning and being all alond was indeed quite freaky.
What a story! Wow. That would freak me out too. I mean, if it could happen to that guy in a seemingly violent way, it could have happened to you or any of us!
Great Hub! I've never found a dead body but I was 10 or 11 when I saw my grandfather in a casket... my first experience with a deceased person.
I had heard a story once about a man from (london maybe?) who had passed away in his apartment. I guess he had his rent automatically come out of his retirement check and his chair was near the door...
The mail person would always slide his mail through the slot and one day he noticed (somehow) that the mail wasn't falling to the floor (couldn't hear it or something).
Apparently the guy didn't have any family and he was deceased for 4 years or something like that and his rent auto-paid and the mail piled up nearly 4-5 feet between him in the chair and the door.
~Peter
I love to read your hubs because no one wants to talk about this stuff. It is a good thing to face what we all have to deal with one day..sooner then we think. My first dead body was my younger sister's who died in her home of breast cancer I didn't want to go in her room but her eldest son (of 22) said A. Merle Ann you need to see her. She looked so peaceful..all the wrinkles from the pain were gone. she looked like she was in a much better place and I was actually so glad I viewed her. we were very close as I am the oldest of 4 girls.She had suffered for many years and left 4 children behind...Thank You for preparing us for what will eventually affect all of us. You are a sweetie and so young to be doing this..I am amazed at you. God Bless You G-Ma :o) hugs
Very good advice.
The only thing I would add is some advice for an autopsy. I would recommend always allowing one, whether the death was for natural causes or not.
While I was an intern at Yale's Department of Pathology as an autopsy technician there were several instances in which we discovered a tumor, signs of heart disease, or other genetic factors that went undiagnosed during the patient's life. It was not until the autopsy these things were discovered.
The useful part of this is to serve the living: finding undiagnosed signs of genetic diseases or conditions can help the living seek treatment or take preventative measures now that they know they're an at-risk group.
The above guidelines are great, though... I'm glad that you're also telling people to call the police department rather than 911. :)
I appreciate all your comments about finding a dead body. My grandaughter was at her aunts house last night and got up this am and found her aunts friend asleep on the couch. Someone was knocking at the door and she wasn't supposed to answer it so she tried waking the man on the couch. When he didn't wake up, she went in and found her aunt. It was then that her aunt figured out the man was dead. My grandaughter seems fine with what happened and says it is nothing bothering her. My concern is the *trauma* may rear its ugly head down the road. I'd like some feedback as to what we should do for her in the interim. Thanks.
Thank you for your HUb. I found my father's body after he had been gone a few days. His body was not in very good condition. I was the only family around and I went into shock. As long as I kept busy I was ok. That was not quite a year ago and I still cry everyday. My dad and I were very close. All I remember of my dad still is what I found. There are no happy childhood memories because I dont remember any of them. My psychologist does not know why I have repressed all the memories and am torturing myself with nightmares. Everyone is different and will handle it all differently. If you meet someone that has found a loved ones body dont judge how they are now or say you understand because unless you have found one you dont totally get it. I thought I could imagine it before but I couldnt-it is nothing compared to the reality.
Stonesweetie,
I had my son with me when I found my dad. Depending on the age of your grand daughter it may take a couple years before it comes out. Dont push her but let her know it is ok to talk about and ok to ask questions. Answer all her questions age appropriately. It may not bother her simply because she didnt really knwow the person. You can also just in conversation ask her what she things happens when something dies. You may be surprised at what she comes out with and that may be why she is ok with things but make sure to corect any "real" errors in her thinking(like that she can se the person again or go for a visit). Kids are very resilient
I'm 35 years old and I find it difficult to figure out why I've been the one designated to find dead loved ones. Most people I'm sure, go through life without ever seeing a dead body. I have found two of my friends dead! When I was 20 years old, one of my roommates committed suicide with sleeping pills and antidepressants. I will never forget the appearrance of his skin. They call it lividity (spelling?) but I knew not from learning, but from something else in my mind that he was dead....I knew it didn't look right....it looked very wrong. It was a little more than 14 years later that I found a very close family friend dead. Since I was older (this was 11 months ago), it seemed to register on a different level. When I was 20, I almost didn't even get it, or perhaps less capable of dealing with what the hell just happened. This time, I knew what it was immediately. I saw his skin and knew he had been dead for hours....and knowing that there is nothing you can do to change it or reverse it, and its too late to prevent it, is incomprehensible. It is shock, and its hard to tell when the shock wears off. I do feel like I've gone through the grieving process, but I do wonder how this effected me on a less conscious level. I don't know how to tell if I'm dealing with it well, or if I'm supressing it. I feel like I've dealt with the passing of this person, but the trauma of finding him, I don't know.
All the best to all of you dealing with something like this also
I am so sorry that you had to experience that. My husband, too, found his roommate after he'd committed suicide. He was in his early twenties and it haunts him to this day. It's certainly not easy to get a grip on something like that and no matter how many years go by, you probably won't ever "accept" it (nobody expects you to). Thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm sure it will contribute to your healing in some way. Best of luck. ~Emma
life is trully short!
I found my soon to be mother in law dying. I was taking 4 year old to her house, she was going to watch her for the afternoon. I went in the house, she wasn't in the living room (which was odd, she always waited for us there). I called out to her, no answer. I went into the kitchen and she was lying there, next to the stove trying to breath.
I grabbed my daughter and put her in the other room. I went back into the kitchen, she had fallen down the basement steps, hit her head, crawled back up, and was dying from a heart attack. I called 911 and watched her scream for her life. She would try to breath, but kept coughing (my RN friend told me that things like that are natural. The body was trying to stay alive even if her brain wasn't). They estimate she had been lying like that for around 1 hour. That even if I had started CPR (which I didn't, but I am a certified life guard) and gave her mouth to mouth she would have probably been a veggie.
Her son and I are now in the process of breaking our engagement. I can't help but think that the stress of me finding her, and her son not being able to say goodbye has been what our break-up is about.
This is the worst thing I have ever seen or lived through. I would never wish this experience on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
I am so incredibly sorry to learn about your experience, Broken. I understand just how stressful something like that would've been for you. So traumatic! Again, I'm sorry. You're in my prayers and I'm wishing you all of the best in your recovery from such a horriffic incident.
interesting hub g-ma, beacause I know you find dead bodys allllll the time.
My friend passed away three weeks ago. She was 72 and she had heart problems. She was found by a friend of ours after I asked him to check on her because I live five hours away and didn't hear from her for one full day. He broke into her back door and she was dead on her couch. I'm a visual person and I need to see things to visualize what he saw and he wouldn't explain to me said that she looked like she had been dead for a while. I believe ONE day. The last time she made a move online was 3:22 am Friday night/Saturday Morning and nothing more after that so sometime after 3:22 am she passed away. She still had her bed clothes on. What does a person look like after a day of being dead? Is it that bad? I feel very quilty about her death because we argued one week before her death and I was suppose to be there with her and would have arrived at her house on Friday night at around 9:30 pm. I would have been there when she died.
Yesterday I went to help my Aunt Vicki take care of my Aunt Pennye who was dying of Lou Gherig's disease. We all have known that she was sick, and did not have long to live. To make things even more emotional, I got married last saturday, we began planning the wedding before she went so far downhill, and my grandmother said not to postpone it. One of the things I had planned to do this week was to take my Aunt Pennye the pictures so she could see the wedding after I got them from the photographer. She was so sad that she wasn't able to make it. The week before the wedding, I took her the dress and shoes and sample bouquet, I was trying to take the wedding to her since she wasn't going to be able to attend. But I digress, yesterday my Aunt Vicki had some errands to run and needed someone to sit with her. As soon as I got there, my aunt told me to set an alarm on my phone and check on her every 15 minutes. I was sitting in the living room and not in her room because she was asleep and we didn't want to wake her. My Aunt Vicki left, and and about five minutes after she left, ten minutes before my alarm went off, I had a gut feeling to go check on her early. It's almost like someone had tapped me on the shoulder and told me to go back there. I think my Aunt Pennye told me. When I went back there, I found the body not breathing with eyes like I have never seen before. I knew my Aunt was gone. I say I found the body because what I found was not my Aunt, I felt her leaving when that gut instinct told me to go check, and I do not want to associate what I saw with the Aunt that I loved so dearly. She was an amazing woman, she had an energy and a spunk that I admired. A total of 5'4" tall, and maybe 120 lbs at her biggest, she was a tiny woman with the biggest spirit I have ever seen. Finding that body has made it difficult to sleep. When I close my eyes I see those eyes that didn't even have her color in them anymore. I am having a hard time feeling the loss, and sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind and can't breathe. It's almost like my brain doesn't associate that body with her, and I am so scared of that sight that I can't seem to feel anything else. Thank you so much for this article. I have been looking for something to help me make sense of my mind's reaction to all of this. Thank you!
Thank you very much for sharing your story, Becky. What a difficult thing to encounter. Just know that there's nothing wrong with you. Grief is a very indiviual/personal thing, so just do what's best for you. I wish you all the best. Thanks again.
wow, read every word... I hope I die before my hubby, would hate to find him in this way.
Hi, last Thursday my boss woke me up yelling "MICK, HELP ME, MICK HELP ME!!!," I yelled to him to open my door and he collapsed in. He fell face-first onto my floor (which is finished colored concrete), and the noise his face made, and the noises he was making after are giving me nightmares. Both at night and in the day! I performed CPR on him for about 8 minutes (I'm a volunteer fireman) and lost him after 400 compressions. Around 570 compressions I got his heartbeat back, but only for a minute or so. When my buddies from the fire department showed up (they're all EMT's as well) they took over for me. I gave him 603 compressions, but I never revived him. They lost and revived his heart beat 5 times before they carried him out of my bedroom. We eventually found out at the hospital that it wasn't a heart attack (like we all thought), but an anuerysm in the brain. I am freaking out daily now. I just cannot seem to get the image of his face out of my head, the noises he was making, all of the blood pooling out under his face before I flipped him over onto his back. I'm having very severe nightmares at night and during the day. I'm afraid to go into my bedroom. If it is night, I make my roommate go into or even that side of the house with me. I've slept in her room on an air mattress since it happened because I am way to afraid to sleep in my room alone. I don't know what to do, and I'm feeling like he is haunting me or something. What can I do? I really am scared and anyone who knows me knows that I'm not easily scared. I'm reading a book by Wm. Paul Young called, "The Shack" that my roommates mom gave to her to give to me. Have you read it? Do you think it will help me? These nightmares are very graphic and very terrifying!!! Any help from anyone would be greatly appreciated! Thank you, Mick
Thanks, good information, and needed by those faced with this trauma. Valerie Lynn
Three weeks ago i woke up to find my husband on the couch, called 911 ambulance arrived within 30 seconds of my call. Said Hes too far gone, He was only 29 , autopsy showed no answers for his death. Now im faced with the question of "why"
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your terrible news Me Instead of We. I handled a situation similar to yours last month. The gentleman was only 33 and his widow was unsterstandably devastated. Again, autopsy showed nothing. It's hard to have no answers. Again, I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time.
Great hub - the advice is priceless, so many people have no idea what is the appropriate thing to do in the event of a death! Something that we all will someday succumb to, yet, such a mysterious, foreign topic. Thank you for your knowledge, emmabalmer.
great advice.
i haven't discovered a dead body but i had to go and see my grandfather after he had past away in the hospital when i was about 6 years old, it didnt become tramatized or anything, i just kind of sheaked and cried but nothing more.
i am looking for a career to persue and i was thinking of becoming a SOCO (scene of crime officer) i and im not sure if i can handle coming into contact with a dead body like that. Does anyone know how to help or how for me to know if i can handle it??
I totally agree with lagacy, here it is 3 am , and almost the year anevesery of when I found my uncle, I called 911 but they said they would get someone as soon as they had a car avaiable, I could have swore I heard a gurgling sound in the house,I busted open the door, at nothing thinking he may be dying, and find him in his bath room curled up in a fetal position, and he had beed ead I think they said 9 hours, when you do find someone you have to stay on the scene until the cops finishing questioning you and the coriner .. it is hard enough as is.I have had night mares ever since,one is I am in my bath room and brushing my teeth,I feel something under my feet, and look down to see a spot of blood I slip and fall, and I am laying in his bath room beside him.. I scream,another is I am walking up and find him he reaches out his hand like he needs help, and comes crawling after me. It is dreams like that y I can't sleep. And even scared of bathrooms now, crazy I know.
But let me tell you it is not the same seeing someone in a casket, I already havem and it is not the same as watching some one take there last breath I have seen that as my best friend dale took his last breath, and trust me it is totally different there color, is a different blue than I have ever saw, people think it is the same as seeing them lye in a coffin oh but no , you have nightmares,memories of that,and sleep disorders.It is not something you just forget. no where near.
Wow, guys... those are some pretty intense experiences. I am so sorry to hear about it :( I agree that it's something yo never, never forget.
I found a close friend/coworker in her home 2 days ago after she didn't show up to work. It was homicide/suicide at the hands of her fiance. The image of that scene haunts me each time I close my eyes to go to sleep. How long will it take for that image to fade...if ever?
I went to check on my mom and found her in her bed. She had been gone for a few hours. I have been suffering with horrible nightmares and increased anxiety. I know it has only been two months since she passed and I am really having emotional problems, especially at night. I can't get the picture out of my head of how she looked when I found her. Everyone who has went through such a tragic ordeal are in my prayers. Best of luck!
Well done!
awesome read thank you
I've never found a dead body but I've seen 2 and I'm only 18! The first was walking across a bridge which overgoes a river. There were police cars, ambulances and rescue vans everywhere! I looked down the river to where all the police were to see them trying to pull in a womans body. That wasn't traumatising at all. More or less just surprising. The second was my grandfather. He had died in his sleep from Diverticulitis in March 2009. I personally don't think he was gone very long because his face was still warm and there was no loss of skin colour. His leg was hanging out of the bed and there was no sign of lividity. He looked peaceful in his bed, just like he was asleep. When I went to see him again in the funeral home, he didn't look like him one bit. He just looked so much different. His face was far too red and the nose and lips were too thin. I still remember how he looked in his bed but I only remember every now and again how he looked in the coffin. I would do anything to have him back. Such a great person who wouldn't harm a fly.
You have such beautiful things to say about your grandfather and I'm sure you miss him terribly. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
- Emma
It was abut 5 years ago, i was about 12-13 and we were playing a football match out of town... Straight to the point, i was trying to find a tap, i remember looking behind the changing room sheds and i see this rugged looking guy sitting on the ground about 10 meters away, head resting on his chest and i remember saying something along the lines of "are you okay?" thinking he was drunk i walk over, this guy had a melon size hole in his chest with bodily fluids, blood and body parts hanging out. I remember just standing there for what felt like eternity but in reality a few seconds, eyes wide open, holding my breath before running as fast as i could to find the coach... Its fascinating, until this very moment i had never thought about that day.
P.S the coroners and police arrived, not only was i not asked any questions, they cordoned the area off and we still played our match? thinking back now i cant believe it...
What a experience, Southpacific! Holy cow. There certainly aren't a lot of people that have witnessed what you have. Crazy thing about the "no questions" deal. Seems totally opposite from what we see on TV these days.
I had the unfortunate luck of finding a friend who had hung herself. I knew she was dead but I didn't know for how long. I called 911 and then found something to cut her down and gave her CPR. I was hoping to revive her. I knew her kids and didn't want them to be without their mother. Sounds all nice and heroic but all I felt afterwards was stupid and paranoid for attempting to save someone who was obviously dead. The paramedics didn't even try to revive her. It's still hard for me to go out in public. (I live in a small town) I don't really regret it but it's just hard to live with too. I wonder what people are thinking when they see me.
I have been sitting here reading through these in tears. Thank you to everyone for sharing your experiences.
I came on the net looking for answers, looking to see if others have experienced the same as me and I still cannot find anyone who say's exactly what they saw!
I recently lost my dad (3 months ago) after nursing him for the last week of his life. I left him for just a few minutes and when I returned to the room he was not breathing, his mouth and eyes were wide open and he looked absolutely terrified and this haunts me every day. I obviously don't know if he was actually terrified or if this is what people look like after they have just died. My dad is the first person I have seen dead. All I seem to find anywhere is how peaceful people looked and I find it so hard to know he didn't look at peace. He was sitting in the chair at the time and I do think he had gone at that point but I still got him on the floor and did CPR until the paramedics arrived but it was too late and there was nothing any of us could do.
He was a kind, caring man who would help anyone in need and I hate the thought of him being so frightened and really regret leaving him even for those few minutes.
I really want to know if this terrified look on their face when someone dies is common as so far it seems it is not or people are just too afraid to say it exactly how it is. Does anyone know the answer?
DJ Funktual says:
2 years ago
Wow. ....................................... Wow. Great HUB