Finding contentment in singlehood

It is easy to feel left out and lonely if you don't have a significant other, especially in this world that seems to be geared toward "couples." But there are ways to be perfectly happy on your own. I have found contentment as a "singleton," and I would like to share some of my "secrets."

1. Know, and love, yourself. Many people are desperate to be in a relationship because they need validation that they are truly good and "lovable" people. Their happiness depends on their happiness in a relationship because they do not have self-knowledge and self-esteem, independently. Develop self-knowledge by reflecting on who you are, your past, your present, your future aspirations, your favorite things in the world, your values. Deep reflection on these matters should create a knowledge and love for yourself that can sustain you, even without a partner to depend on.

2. Develop hobbies and interests that you can do "solo." Whether it is reading, writing, sunbathing, shopping, an individual sport like swimming or hiking, or an art or craft of some sort, it is important to be able to cultivate activities that you can enjoy on your own. That way, you can't complain that you can never do anything fun because you have nobody to do it with.

3. Nurture your friendships and family relationships. Friends and family provide you with opportunities for socialization, and their love and caring for you can fill the niche you have for love and affection from others. I have found that with a strong little circle of friends and family, I don't feel that I need a significant other in order to feel "complete."

4. Get a pet. Again, your need for unconditional love can be met, plus the presence of a companion animal helps stave off loneliness. Pet ownership can be a very rewarding experience. As a magnet I have says, "The more I know men, the more I love my cat!" :-) You can lavish the attention on a pet that you might otherwise give to a child. My cat is my "baby," and I know many other people who feel the same way about their companion animals.

5. Volunteer your time, your money, or both. You will feel good about yourself, and the better you feel about yourself, the less you feel you need a significant other to validate you. I am too busy, working three jobs and attending graduate school, to volunteer my time, but I give small sums of money to causes I believe in, such as animal rescue. It is very rewarding for me to do so. Plus, it's tax-deductible!

6. Travel, especially to places where the standard of living is not as high as what you are used to. You will come to appreciate what you have, and the lack of a partner will pale in significance to the problems you witness that other people have. I always feel extremely lucky to be me and have my material advantages after visiting Mexico and seeing the poverty that some people are forced to endure. If not having a significant other is my worst complaint, I am pretty well off, indeed!

7. Laugh. Enjoy life. Take each moment one at a time. Don't let worries about tomorrow overshadow today. Be yourself, and enjoy yourself. Embrace all that you have. Who knows, maybe someday you will meet your soul mate, which would be wonderful. But even if that never happens, remember that you are wonderful, and lovable, and can build a rich and fulfilling life on your own!