When you cross the 45 line, you might think that half your life is over. Face it - you've been there and done that. You have had some relationships, you have had tragedies and successes, joys and sorrows.

Is it all over?

Forty-five is not old, you feel that under your skin. You look younger than your parents did at that age. You think younger, and you do younger things. So you have to shake yourself out of thinking like you are supposed to think,and feeling like you are supposed to feel.

What should you feel like?

Have you ever passed a mirror and find you are surprised at how you look? Sure, you know how you look, but you feel you should look younger? Well, you are younger. You feel younger than you look, right? We all do. Most of us are about 27 in our heads. We haven't changed much since then.

Being 27 again is not an option.

Sorry - you are as old as you are, but there is no sense in acting like it's all over. You are alone again, and you'd love to feel in love again. That's understandable. Being alone is depressing. We have all read the articles that say being in a relationship can lengthen your life. It's true - sad and single is no match for being a half of a thriving couple.

So let's see whether it is possible to fall in love again at 45.

Are you being silly? Is it completely ridiculous to want that feeling again? Not really - you are in good company... and 10,000 people can't be wrong. Among those 10,000 people there ought to be someone for you.

Yes, the number of singles over 45 is increasing, for a number of reasons. Firstly, there's attrition - that is, some die. So there are widows and widowers out there who have been married and want to be so again. We all know there are heaps of divorces, at all ages. When they reach 45, a lot of couples go separate ways. Their children are more or less independent, life has taken them down different roads, they don't get on as well as they once did, and a dozen other reasons bring marriages to an end.

A lot of people experience what they call a SFM (Stupid First Marriage) and imagine they would make a better choice second time round. A lot of them are right, and they manage to find a partner who is better suited to them in temperament, character and choices.

Then there are the ones who have never married or formed lasting relationships. What, at 45? Certainly - some careers demand a level of commitment that precludes a serious relationship. Don't tell me you have never heard of men and women who have simply not had time enough to form a relationship because they have been too busy working, establishing their career and making money? Of course you have. They drift from shallow liaison to shallow liaison wondering whether they will ever settle down properly.

Others have been committed to caring for ageing parents. Some have been chasing an academic career overseas, and other good reasons for still being single at 45.

All these are out there looking.

If you think you are unattractive and unavailable and unwanted, that's what you will be. It's all in the head. Start changing gradually into someone you know is attractive, nice to be with and most importantly, available.

You are willing to be chosen. You want to be picked. You are lovely enough and alert enough to be wanted by someone equally available. Making excuses and acting tired and old will leave you exactly where you are now. The energy is there - just use it. Think it and do it.

Start with your appearance and your surroundings. Freshen up both. Turn your space, your home, into somewhere pleasant to return to when you go out: somewhere you are proud of and can show off. Starting on your surroundings is less personal and is easily achieveable.

Your appearance is a more emotional thing. But there is nothing like a fresh haircut, some skin care (for both sexes) and a couple of new outfits to announce a you that is not entirely new, but refreshed! And yes, it is true... throwing out all your old underwear and starting again is a great idea.

Take pride in who you are, what you look like and where you live.

Now that you feel better and - admit it - look better, and your place has benefitted from your new lease of life, you can start thinking about other people. You are looking for love, remember?

For others to love you, you must at least like yourself a bit. And you must know yourself. By 45, you must know a few hard truths about yourself and what your life preferences are. Remind yourself. Make a list. What are your pet hates? What do you absolutely adore?

Make a list of the things you'd rather not do. Hate skiing? Okay - put it on the right. Love reading... that goes on the left. Hate long queues... right. Love white wine and white chocolate... on the left. Go through everything until you have a good understanding of what you do not want to put up with, what you will make allowances for, and what you definitely love.

Now you have a written summary of who you are. Together with what you look like and where you live, it could do with a refresher.

But it's easier to change a haircut than it is to shift a personality at 45... so be honest with yourself and only tweak the lifestyle things you are certain you can sustain. You are not 16, remember.

'Your health!' is a toast we often pronounce without thinking. Okay - make a toast to your health by having a check-up with your doctor and fixing what needs fixing - your feet, your teeth and your eyes will need attention, and perhaps a few more things you have not thought of for a while.

When your health is good and you are looking after yourself, it shows on your face. Being attractive is in a sense being healthy - no one wants to get attached to someone who will become a liability in a few short years.

Get healthy and stay that way by eating well, exercising reasonably and thinking in a positive way. Wow - you look great! When friends start to mention how well you are looking, it means you are well on the way to finding love.

At this age, nothing makes fireworks quicker than compatibility. This does not mean an absolute match of temperament, likes and dislikes and choices. But it does require some sort of match. Compatibility does not mean putting up with something for the sake of a relationship, because that kind of a compromise will eventually fray.

Compatibility means more than a shared liking for bowling or painting. It means more than speaking the same native language or having grown up in the same town. Compatibility means having an understanding of each other's core values and life philosophy... so make sure you have more than just a vague idea of what your are.

Who could be compatible with you? What kind of person would fit in with what you are like and how you like to live? Draw a sketchy ideal, realise that a perfect fit is far from likely, but use it as a jumping-off point in your search.

Jan, a widow with two grown-up daughters at university in another state, realised she would be happiest with a fellow writer who loved late lunches, early walks and harboured a liking for German opera. Someone, perhaps, who also had grown-up children away from home and who would be willing to act as an editor and sounding board for what she wrote.

She realised it would be almost impossible to find someone who ticked all those boxes, but when she met Alphonse, an actor of Swiss origin who did a lot of bush walking in Spring, she liked what she saw. His daughter still lived at home, but was virtually independent and had a career in marketing which had her travelling often.

Their temperaments matched, and the only bone of contention was Jan's cat, since Alphonse preferred dogs. But on the whole, they found that long philosophical talks over lingering lunches and manuscript-sharing had them absorbed in each other in a way that quickly led to romance.

This could happen to you if you aim at something (or someone) that is within the realms of realistic possibility.

Love at 45 does not feel like love at 17 or 23. Although there is excitement and perhaps even passion, the longing and doubt and niggling and wonder is not really there. We are more certain of ourselves at 45, and half the feeling of young love is really uncertainty, doubt, wonder, awe and the see-sawing of youth.

What you might enjoy is the fact that the other person is more likely to be reliable, caring, loyal and as willing to accommodate you as he or she is wanting to be accommodated. There is less waiting by the phone, less likelihood you will be stood up or left stranded, and you will certainly not be forgotten. So there are a number of plusses for falling in love at this age.

Patience is a virtue - give yourself time. Give the whole thing time. Take the required steps and tips above and get ready for this big step as if you were taking on a whole new project.

Good luck!