First time sex is the topic of quite a large proportion of the questions I am asked by teens. When should I have sex for the first time? What can I expect from first time sex? My partner wants to have sex for the first time, but I don't feel ready. First time sex was nothing like what I expected - am I gay? I didn't enjoy having sex for the first time - what's wrong with me?

First time sex is loaded up with such unrealistic expectations these days, it's a wonder any of us manage to have sex for the first time without breaking out in hives. First time sex is supposed to be this wonderful experience. First time sex brings you into the adult world. First time sex takes your romantic relationship to the next level.

I am here to say - bull droppings.

First time sex may be many things, but "a wonderful experience" is a rarity when it comes to first time sex. Having sex for the first time is likely to be awkward, difficult, and for girls at least, painful.

Actually, the occasional guy has a minor blockage in his plumbing, which can give way somewhat painfully when he ejaculates for the first time. For most guys, though, that particular milestone happens long before first time sex!

First time sex is bound to be an anxious experience, no matter how much you love and trust your partner. And girls, the guys are just as nervous as you are, even if they don't show it. If you are both having sex for the first time, the awkwardness is doubled.

Before committing to having sex for the first time, you must be very sure that you really want to have first time sex right now. Many people feel that they "should" have had sex for the first time by a particular age, or by the time they have been together for a certain peiod of time. This feeling leads to many people, girls and guys alike, having first time sex before they are truly ready.

First time sex is a personal experience, arguably THE most personal experience, and there are no fixed rules about something as personal and individual as having sex for the first time. Don't have first time sex if you are not 100% keen and excited to do it. There is no harm in waiting a little longer for first time sex, compared with the harm you can produce by having first time sex too soon.

Make sure you have a good setting for your first time sex. Too many people have sex for the first time in a car, in a dingy old building, car park, under the seats at the sports field, or somewhere else completely uncomfortable and often COLD!

To give your first time sex the best possible opportunity to work out well, arrange to have sex for the first time somewhere indoors, safe, warm, and fitted out with a functional bathroom. Preferably, make sure there is nobody around to interrupt your first time sex. You will have enough to think about without jumping every time the floor creaks!

Get your health checked before having sex for the first time, and talk to your doctor about the best ways to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Even if this is first time sex for both of you, it is good practice to use all recommended protection from the very first time you have sex.

You are likely to be nervous the first time you have sex. Combined with using condoms, this nervousness is likely to make the actual first time sex quite uncomfortable, especially for the girl. I cannot recommend highly enough that you have lubricant available the first time you have sex. If you have never used lubricant while masturbating, get some well before you have first time sex, and experiment with it.

First time sex may cause slight bleeding for the girl, if her hymen is relatively thick. Have a towel or a box of tissues handy, to prevent any staining afterward.

You may be surprised by the emotional impact of first time sex, even if it was rushed, uncomfortable and awkward. Give yourself plenty of time before and after your first time sex to process the emotions involved.

You may not feel anything like they way you expect to feel after having sex for the first time. Many of us feel as though things should be very different after first time sex. Now that we have passed this milestone, now that we have had sex for the first time, surely everything will have changed - but the rest of the world just plows on as though nothing has changed at all.

There may be surprising emotional after-effects, sometimes days later. Sexual intercourse touches us at the deepest emotional level, well below the level of our conscious thoughts. First time sex can open up old emotional wounds from childhood, and you may find yourself feeling lost and small, or suddenly needy and wanting to cling to your partner. Alternatively, having first time sex may give you a new sense of power and control in your life, and allow you to be less dependent on others, especially your parents.

First time sex is different for everyone. There are as many first time sex experiences as there are sexually active human beings. The only thing one can confidently predict about first time sex is that it won't be what you expect.

Some people fondly remember the first time they had sex, and some would rather forget. And some - the ones who were totally plastered at the time - really do forget their first time sex experience. I try not to give too much advice to people about first time sex, but I heartily advise that you are sober when you have sex for the first time. First time sex is tricky enough when you are both in full command of your faculties!

The thing about first time sex is that you only get one shot at it. Your first time sex experience can shape your sexuality as an adult for many years to come. Give yourself the best possible chance to have a good first time sex experience. Choose a loving partner, someone you can really, deeply trust. Prepare a nurturing environment, make sure you have everything you need readily to hand, and give yourself plenty of uninterrupted time so that you don't have to rush your first time sex.

You are unlikely to discover the heights of physical pleasure the first time you have sex, for the simple reason that it takes time and practice to figure out what you need and what you like. Release yourself from the pressure of that expectation, and focus on the emotional experience when you have sex for the first time. Dizzying heights of physical pleasure can come later.

Images: indi.ca, Manitau2121