First Date Etiquette Your Parents Never Taught You

I still remember my first date ever. I was thirteen, and very nervous, even though Lewis and I had been hanging out - mostly at my house in front of the television just about every night - for months. I also saw him in theater class every day. My friends all knew we were an "item." So did his friends. But there was something about being seen in public as a "couple" that just turned my mouth into a desert with nerves.

It would have helped if my parents told me about basic date etiquette, not only for my first date ever, but for every first date I would have for the rest of my life - and I've had a lot!

Nope, the only thing they told me, and it is good advice is, "If you're not paying at the restaurant, don't order something more expensive than what your date orders." In fact, this little bit of good manners must have been drummed into me pretty hard - last night my husband of six and a half years took the family to a family restaurant for dinner last night and I still made sure I ordered something cheaper than what he did.

But I digress.

If the whole point of a first date is to see whether both parties are interested in a second date - or even a third - then here are some basics to help you relax, be polite and, most important, have fun!

During the Date:

Guys: I don't care if she's on the football team, open doors for her anyway. Be on time to pick her up or arrive at the meeting place. Of course the basics of shower and wear clean clothes apply (unless, of course, your first date is to go spelunking in a really muddy cave). If you're in a really nice restaurant, help her with her chair every time she sits down. Yes, this will mean hopping up and helping her again when she comes back from the ladies room. Let her pick the movie. Buy popcorn. And a mutually agreed-upon soft drink. Keep the conversations about yourself to a minimum. Keep references to any former romantic relationships to a minimum. If you run out of things to talk about, ask her opinion on something or ask her about herself. Go easy on the aftershave - less is more!

Girls: You may very well be a liberated woman of the 21st century, but let him open doors for you without a diatribe on how you're not helpless and would he please stop oppressing you. A simple "thank you" will suffice. Be ready to go when he arrives to pick you up - despite what your grandmother did, making a guy wait is now considered rude. If he lets you pick the movie, don't leap at the chance to see the latest chick flick. You don't have to choose the goriest action-adventure either. Find something that you both will probably enjoy. Comedies work well. Eat some of the popcorn - it doesn't have that many calories if you avoid the fake butter-flavored grease. Keep the talking about yourself to a minimum. Keep the conversations about hair, clothes or other fashion subjects to a minimum. Keep references to any former romantic relationships to a minimum - better yet, don't bring them up at all! Go easy on the cologne - less is more!

After the Date:

Guys: Don't say "I'll call you" if you have no intention of doing so. Ask her if it's okay to kiss her goodnight - don't assume either way.

Girls: If he asks to kiss you goodnight, be honest. Thank him for the date.

You'll probably know by the end of the date whether or not there will be another one - the vibes will tell you. Consider waiting to discuss your future options until the after-date phone call.

Good luck, and happy hunting!