I know it's popular for you young women to drink beer and prove you're one of the boys. You've proven it, and where has it gotten you, I ask? A wine glass has the potential for drama, but you and I have both seen the women of a certain age with the ubiquitous glasses of vino, and you're way too young and much too fun for that.

Order a glass of champagne. If there's anything that has bombshell written all over it, it's the fizzy stuff. It bubbles just like you do, sweetheart. Why, Jayne Mansfiield even bathed in the stuff. Whee!

Go on! It may be worth it just to see the grizzled bartender scurrying around looking for a bottle just for sweet lil' you.

One of the fastest ways to add that something to an outfit is a lovely pair of gloves. Is there anything else that's so ladylike and sexy at the same time? Beautiful gloves are easy to find in vintage stores in lace or velvet, with trims from dainty to lavish. If you're bold (and if you're not yet, you will be. Keep reading my column.), splurge on elbow-length opera gloves in black. You can wear even the simplest of little dresses and suddenly become resplendent.

Mittens don't count. Neither do bulky knitted gloves with stripes, alpine prints, snowmen, or what-have-you. Can you imagine Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn in mittens? Get some real gloves, and watch everyone start watching you.

One single fresh flower makes a dramatic and sophisticated impact, sometimes even more than jewelry can. Let the ensemble determine whether you wear it in your hair or pinned to your chest. Advanced glamour-pusses can tuck one right into their decolletage or even make an entrance carrying a long-stemmed rose as a hand accessory. Smashing!

Roses, Gardenias, exotic-smelling Hibiscus --choose one you adore and intoxicate them.

Are you still going around in a tatty old terrycloth robe? Or even worse: no robe at all? A full-on movie star robe may seem like an eccentricity, but believe me, darlings -it will change who you are and how you feel every time you slip into it. Don't hold back: silk, full sleeves, maribou trim, or an Oriental kimono -style wrapper if you like, but indulge yourself. And indulge the mailman too, everytime he catches you in it.

Just a little French goes a long way. If you know a little, use it a little. If you don't know any --then by all means get some tapes (or even better: a tutor). Some of the most smoldering-sounding words are French, mes belles. Isn't the boudoir more enticing than the bedroom?

If you have any doubts,just remember what it used to do for Gomez Addams! N'est-ce pas?

There you have it, my vixens-to-be. If you aren't more glamorous five minutes from now, you just aren't trying hard enough. Get out there, look your damndest, and have a ball.

-Jeez Louise!