Ponce de Leon was searching for the fountain of youth when he landed on Florida's shore. Being impressed by the flora and fauna he named his peninsula Florida( flower). Maybe Ponce de Leon realized referring to Florida as the 'Fountain of Youth' was going a bit too far. It's close. Unlike the great state of W.V., Florida is not 'almost heaven', but it is most definitely nearly paradise. That is, if your idea of paradise includes creeping, crawling, slithering scaly things.

When Dorothy tumbled over the rainbow she exclaimed to Toto, "we're not in Kansas anymore..." I came to a similar realization early on after moving to Florida. The town in which I found myself working, was small, but not rural. There was plenty of asphalt and concrete. This didn't prevent a humongous snake, from slithering along the outside window of the building where I worked. This was disturbing to me on several levels. First of all, I am not a snake person. Second of all, my co workers wanted a closer look. Of course since I was new to Florida, it was IMPERATIVE that I encounter the snake. I was told this snake was a 'special' snake, a Blue Indigo which is protected by the state of Florida. Are you kidding me?! This snake was over six feet long. I know this because, my boss being certain the snake was not poisonous, picked it up with his own two hands. My boss was six feet tall and some change. That snake was eyeballing him eye to eye and his tail was on the ground(the snake's). This snake was a candidate for a National Geographic television special. My co workers were ecstatic over this very rare snake. I was not ! This was not cool, this was not cool at all. I was considering the nearest Greyhound station. Surely there was a bus headed north out of paradise.

One would think education would ease my discomfort with snakes. I have been told on many occasions that, "snakes are simply misunderstood. Snakes are not slimy to the touch, they are more afraid of us than we are of them. and a snake will not hurt you unless provoked". A favored Uncle told me a long while ago, that though it is true a snake will not hurt you, that same snake will cause you to hurt yourself. This negated all the snake education I previously received.

On rare occasion the price for a day in paradise is an encounter with a poisonous snake. I had such an encounter recently. My husband and I were in our bare feet on our front porch admiring the night sky. When out of the corner of my eye I spied what I originally thought was the rubber hose of a bicycle pump. It was to my disdain a big black snake. Did I mention I am not a snake person? Unlike me, my husband was willing to let sleeping snakes lie. I , on the other hand, wanted it off my front porch, and away from the front door. Part of my snake education included the fact that the presence of black snakes keeps the poisonous variety at bay. For this reason even with my deathly aversion to the slithering fiends, I was satisfied with the idea of my husband, a lover not a killer, simply moving him away from the house. The snake did not appreciate this concession whatsoever, and it was at this time we realized he had fangs. He struck at my husband, and then whack , whack. This was the end of his paradise. Do not consider writing a scolding letter to me about killing the snake. Don't bother. Did you not understand I was barefoot, in the dark and he had fangs!

Everyone in paradise does not feel the same as I. For instance, I did not realize the stranger standing at the entrance to the grocery store was holding a snake. He approached me upon entering the store and asked,"Would you like to buy a snake?" Are times really this hard, that a man will stand at a grocery store asking unsuspecting patrons if they want to purchase a snake? In that instance many answers raced across my mind. Thankfully all that came from my lips was, "No thank you I do not want to buy a snake." That man does not know how close he and his little companion had come. An occasion such as this could cause one to lose his/her religion.That day I must have been 'walking in the Spirit'.

But I digress. Back to paradise. In addition to snakes, Florida's paradise is peppered with lizards. Geckos, skinks, iguanas, and curly tails are a few. Everyone is familiar with geckos because of the famous Geico lizard. Skinks are not as renowned. Skinks are lizards which look like snakes. The only difference is skinks have legs. Which gives them the leg up as far as I am concerned. Pun intended. Something about having feet elevates them. No slithering. Iguanas are very big in paradise in more ways than one. I like to see them. They are prevalent and pretty as lizards go. Very green. They can be almost fluorescent. Curly tails? Obviously lizards with tails which curl up on the end. If you are fortunate enough to live in paradise it is not unusual to find a lizard in your house. In fact, you will most certainly find a lizard in your house. More often in the bathroom. I don't know why.

Speaking of lizards in the house, this brings me to my favorite lizard. Yes I have a favorite. It is brown, sometimes olive green with a little point on its head, which makes it look like a miniature dinosaur. It is impossible to catch this lizard by surprise. He has big eyes on the side of his pointy little face. This fascinating creature must have a scientific name of which I am unaware. However, the name associated with this cold blooded fellow is 'Jesus' lizard. Why you ask? Because the little guy can walk on water. Really! He runs across water. Thinking 'Jesus' lizard sounds a bit sacrilegious, our family ceased calling it the 'Jesus' lizard and dubbed him, 'Peter lizard'. It is more appropriate. Jesus' disciple, Peter, walked on the water to meet Jesus, but sank for lack of faith. The 'Peter' lizard can run across a puddle or pond, as long as he doesn't slow down and stop. If he does, down he goes. One sunny paradise like afternoon a 'Peter' lizard lost his way, due to the fact Jack our dog was chasing him. You guessed it, right into the house. My mother-in-law was in town, and for a brief few minutes it was pandemonium. A raucous retriever, excited kids, and a screaming woman with a broom, you do the math. I feel compelled to say no animal or grandma was injured during this altercation.

Florida is a funny paradise. Golfing is big here. Teeing off can be eventful if one is not careful. I was driving by a local golf course and there on the green, in plain view was a big black alligator. I just wanted to pull over and scream. " Hey you better keep that club handy." Just kidding. Besides, a nine iron is not a significant defense against a gator. We are desenstized to the idea of gators on a golf course. They have become a novelty of the PGA tour. However, I was in downtown Miami. Yes, Miami, of Southbeach, and "Miami Vice" fame. There in a little canal parallel to Walgreens was a nice size alligator. He was minding his own business and no one seemed to care he was there.

The State of Florida enacted a law that prohibited anyone from killing an alligator. Alligators at one time were becoming extinct. Every Tom, Dick and Harry was poaching them for their hides, and tail meat. The meat of an alligator is a delicacy. It probably tastes like chicken. For this reason the American alligator became a protected species. And now? Their Baaaaack! The alligator has made a terrific comeback. The State of Florida still protects the alligator except for once a year during alligator hunting season. During this season select licensed hunters are allowed to go out into the Everglades and legally hunt alligators in order to thin their numbers. Can you imagine? There are men and maybe some women too, who go out into the mosquito filled Everglades at night, on flat bottom air boats, to hunt these monsters. I use the word monster only in the best sense of the word. I can think of many places I would rather be on a night in paradise, than antagonizing an alligator. Remember the above education on snakes? "They are more afraid of us than we are of them" Scratch that when considering the American alligator. Still alligator hunting falls under the category, 'someone has to do it.' Less alligators mean less encounters with humans in paradise.

So you see, paradise is more than sand and sea, blue skies, and balmy breezes. Paradise includes 'all creatures great and small.' However, in the interest of Florida tourism it is important to note that I have written this article tongue in cheek. I have been kidding while describing the scaly,and skittering. Mostly. Just keep in mind should you venture south of the Mason Dixon line, "they are more afraid of us, than we are of them."

"All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all."