When it comes to what women want in men, the world is full of advice. The trouble is that much of that advice is written by men (and by men who obviously don't know much about women). Some of it is written by people with a book to sell. Some is passed from one guy to another in conversation, with the advice-giver offering his two cents in a way that would imply more expertise than he really has. Sometimes, even mothers pass along misguided information to their sons.

One problem, too, is that a lot of advice is aimed at attracting the wrong kind of girl or woman. For example, if a guy is driving an expensive and flashy car might he attract the attention of some women more than he would if he were driving an 8-year-old, run-of-the-mill, car? Sure. The question is whether or not a guy really wants to attract a woman who would be impressed by something as superficial as a car. Superficial guys usually prefer superficial women, so the following thoughts are not for them. The following thoughts are for the guy who is "real" or "regular", and who would like to a "real", well adjusted, nice, girl or woman with a reasonable level of intelligence. That doesn't necessarily mean a woman who is looking to get married. Often, people equate "nice women" with "the kind who have marriage in mind". A lot of women aren't particularly looking to get married. Like guys, many just want to date (at least until one person decides it's time to move on or else "take things to the next level"). Like guys, some women are hoping to find someone with whom they could have a serious relationship. The point is the following thoughts aren't about just dating or just finding a serious relationship. They're about attracting someone in the first place (and, of course, not alienating them on the first couple of dates).

Obviously, I can't speak for all the women in the world; and I know many will not agree with what I find appealing about a guy. Women are different. The thing is, though, that with all the advice I've seen for men I've never really seen any of it to apply to women like me; and I know an awful lot of women who seem to be just like I am when it comes to what they want in men.

While I'm mature enough to have grown children, I realize that my thoughts about what I find appealing in guys haven't changed since I was a teenager; and that leads me to believe that what any woman finds appealing in a guy is more based on her type than her age. The teen years can, of course, color some of a girl's preferences; but I think, in general, it's all about the type of the girl or woman. Being mature enough to have had several long-term girlfriends and to know how similarly we all think (even with different personalities). Besides the girlfriends, other women I've had conversations with are family members, co-workers, and casual friends (again, with different personalities but being of similar "type"). So what is this "type" on which I'm about to base the following thoughts for me? I'll call it, "regular women". That is, women who aren't out after someone's money or after a daddy or a "boy-toy" or after only married men - in other words, just "regular", reasonably well adjusted, women.

So, keeping in mind that I don't pretend to be able to speak for all the women in the world; and keeping in mind that I can, perhaps, only speak for "a lot of" of those "regular" women; I offer the following thoughts to guys:

You may surprised to know that a lot of women don't care a lot about how handsome a guy is. Being handsome and being someone to whom any particular woman is attracted can be two different things. There's no doubt about it: Women want a guy they find attractive. What may be surprising, though, is that "classically handsome" isn't always what's very important to them.

What any one woman finds attractive is usually about her own personal preferences. Some women happen to gravitate toward very athletic-looking men who dress the part. Others may gravitate more toward the "bookish-looking" type. The world is full of types, and it is perhaps everyone's style that helps them sort out people who seem to different from them. It's not all about style, though. "Regular" women usually want a guy who is very clean (which is different from clean-cut, a style that not all women find attractive). Women may be attracted to the guy who knows just how to make the most of his appearance (with his hair and clothes and demeanor); because that's a subtle sign of one type of intelligence. What's usually not very attractive is the guy who "works really hard" to try to make himself look a certain way, when, in fact, he lacks the know-how to make the most of his own appearance. The point is "attractive" isn't always about having just the right facial features. It's usually more about making the most of whatever features one has.

Another surprise may be that six-pack abs, and muscles that are built up to the point where one would think they should be impressive, aren't always attractive to some women. A fit, trim, build is always attractive; but when guys work too hard to build up "ridiculous" muscles and that six-pack ab it sends that message (that they worked too hard to build up those muscles and probably weren't spending much time thinking about anything else but their abs). For many women, if a guy has good abs as part of his "fit, trim, build"; that's attractive. If it looks like he's been working too hard on those abs, "points off".

To guys who have a little extra around the middle or who don't have impressive biceps or whatever else it is they don't have, don't worry too much about it. Most "regular" women don't care about stuff like that. A lot of them don't care about balding or gray hair either. Again, it's all about whether a guy knows how to make the most of his own appearance.

Having gotten the appearance/attractive matter out of the way, the next things are related to a guy's "inner traits".

While a lot of people believe that women are more attracted to "bad boys" than nice guys, that's not true. Well adjusted, mature, women only want a nice guy.

Again, while I can't speak for all women, there is one thing that is usually particularly appreciated by women - flowers. It doesn't have to be a big, expensive, bouquet of flowers. A single flower, a small bunch of flowers, any kind of not-too-showy flowers - most women like flowers. What a lot of women don't like, however, would be anything showy (like anything on a jumbo-tron or anything to calls too much attention to them at work). "Regular" women often don't care a whole lot about "fancy" restaurants, at least not on a regular basis. Many are happy with coffee out or a nice, little, neighborhood, Italian, place (most neighborhoods have at least one).

Women prefer men who respect them as equal human beings. That's a different thing from "respecting them" for being beautiful or for being good mothers or for being brilliant. Respecting someone as an equal human being means not seeing them as a child, a mother, a maid, a trophy, or whatever else some guys see their wives or girlfriends as. Essentially, "respecting as a human being" means knowing that even if you don't see it, a woman most likely has every bit as "good a head" as you, is every bit as responsible as you, and has human feelings. Most women will tell you it isn't good enough to be respected for one or two of the things they are, if they aren't respect as a human being in general.

Women often like intelligence in a guy, but not if it's an isolated type of intelligence (like being brilliant in physics) with gross under-development of basic human skills. Many guys mistakenly believe that the intelligence with which they, themselves, are so impressive will be equally impressive to women. It isn't. A lot of women are interested in other things and will accept a guy with or without exceptional intelligence. Highly intelligent women do tend to prefer equally intelligent guys; and I'm assuming a lot of highly intelligent guys prefer equally intelligent women. Other than this one way in which intelligence can play a role; women, in general, aren't usually out looking for the most brilliant partner - only one with reasonable intelligence and common sense.

With regard to money, that can depend on the age of the people in question. Teens usually don't think much about money. Women only looking to date often don't care about how much money a guy has. Where women often do consider a guy's income (or future income potential) is in the situation where they are considering a long-term relationship. Most "regular" women aren't looking for "wealthy". Those in a situation where building a family in the future may be on their minds may pay a little more attention to the prospects of a financially stable future. Then again, many women completely disregard "the money factor" when it comes to whom they'll date or marry. In other words, most "regular" women aren't putting a lot of weight to how much money a guy earns. Some, not all, prefer to see signs of financial stability down the line (again, if they're considering getting married and having a family). "Gold-diggers" and women who are a little too "in love with money" are not "regular" women.

For every woman who finds it attractive that a guy is, say, a CEO at a big corporation, there are others who aren't attracted to that kind of guy. For every woman who is attracted to, say, "construction guys", there are others who prefer "the business man" or "the artist" or "the journalist". When it comes to jobs men have that may be attractive to women, it just depends on the woman. The point here is that whether you're a CEO or a "construction guy", your job will earn you points with some women and lose you points with others. It's all just part of that "sorting" process that helps the right kind of people find one another.

Most women like men who are kind to children, animals, and elderly people. That's a sign that a guy is a nice person. (When I was first dating my husband one thing that played a big role in "winning me over" was that he stopped the car on my quiet street because a toad was hopping across the road in the headlights. How bad could a guy who brakes for toads be?)

I don't know whether my opinion on this is correct or not; so take it with a grain of salt. In this instance, I'm only expressing my own opinion (and nobody else's): Flirting. Some people are naturals at flirting (both men and women). That's fine. That's the way they are. It works for them. Not everyone, however, is a natural flirt; and that's fine too, because not all women like men who flirt. (Again, the sorting process kicks in.) As someone who doesn't know how to flirt, I think the reason is that I'm not able to "pretend" (for lack of a better word). While that may not make me the most fun person at a club (I haven't seen the inside of a club since the 70's, by the way) it does make me someone who doesn't send confusing signals. If I act like I'm attracted to you I'm attracted to you. If I act like you're my pal, you know that's how I see you. In other words, it isn't all bad to be someone who isn't a natural flirt; and that applies to guys too. With the exception of some very subtle, awkward, and natural flirting my husband did when I first met him, most flirting has always, to me, been a big turn-off. To me, it has always sent the signal, "This person is a little too comfortable being superficial for my tastes."

The point is that people need to be themselves. When people try to be someone they aren't it's obvious. A natural flirt will attract women who like natural flirts. A guy who isn't great at flirting will attract a woman who doesn't like flirting anyway. (The sorting process continues to be in play.)

Finally, I'd like to offer one other piece of advice (and it's really important that you understand I may not be correct in this assertion; but I don't think I am): Guys, don't be reading books and articles about how to attract women by adopting some "techniques" they suggest. Make the most of who you are. If there are things about yourself that YOU don't like, change them or find ways to turn them into positives. Be yourself, whether you're confident, shy, flirty, not-flirty, or whatever else you are or aren't.

If there's someone you'd like to date just be friendly and nice and work your way up to asking her for a day. (Don't forget to remind yourself that she's a person, just like you are.) If you're looking for women to date go to places where you're likely to meet the kind of women you'd like to date, and then just be yourself.

While I can't guarantee that any of my ideas will get you the relationship you want, I can guarantee that if you follow some of the misguided advice of SOME of those people who don't really understand "regular" women, you're almost assured of not meeting the person who is truly right for you.