I remember a few days before Valentine’s Day I was in this Hallmark card shop and it was chockablock with youngsters in front of the Valentine’s Day card section. It seems in terms of the number of cards sold all over the world, Valentine Day cards come in second to only Christmas, which maybe tells us how important love is an emotion .

While I waited for my friend to pick up her cards, I noticed this handsome man, in his late 20’s, with the cutest dimples, looking through the displayed cards and I was quite touched by the way he was selecting cards. He would pick up cards, look at the picture and then open them to read the message through. That was one lucky girl who had a guy who paid so much of attention to detail. I have known males who have even forgotten to write their names inside the card. When he finally honed into a card, it said- Mine forever. You are the only one, on the front. I felt a little sentimental at that point, thinking maybe it would also be Proposal day for the lucky damsel…until……. he picked up four of the same card. I suppose seeing my withering look, with a dimpled grin that I no longer found charming he said, ‘Hey can’t leave any of my girlfriends out, can I?’ Arggggh…

Of late, I have become quite interested in trying to fathom this emotion called love. So many songs have been written about it. So much of research has been done on it. But still no one has the answers. What makes us fall in love? When we are in the state of love, many of us feel that this one is special and it is going to last forever. The other person becomes our entire world. But like all other things, it changes…we change. What makes us fall out of love? What makes our ‘forever’ love lose its intensity and burning passion?

Remember that charming song from Fiddler on the Roof between Tevye and his wife Golde.

"Do you love me?" Tevye asks his wife.

"Do I what?" Golde responds.

"Do you love me?"

"For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes, cooked your meals,cleaned your house, given you children, milked the cow. After twenty-five years, why speak of love right now? I'm your wife," she says.

"Yes,But do you love me?"

Golde becomes reflective."For twenty-five years I've lived with him, fought with him, starved with him.Twenty-five years my bed is his. If that's not love, what is?"

"Then you love me?"

"I suppose I do."

Twenty-five years of marriage seems like a long, long time. The recent news of Mel Gibson’s wife suing for divorce after 28 years of marriage, just goes to show that one can never think you are past the danger mark.

Marriages are most susceptible to divorce in the early years of marriage .The first two years of marriage are supposed to be the toughest, since it involves getting to know the real person, behind the rose-coloured glasses. Post-nuptial depression is becoming common these days. There are moments of utter bliss and occasions when one hits the all time low. Researchers say that the first 2 years determine whether the couple will have a strong foundation for marriage or not. This is the period when couples tend to jockey for control and if they are not ready to compromise and forgive, it can lead to serious trouble.

*After 5 years, approximately10 % of marriages are expected to end in divorce Then we have all heard about the 7 year itch, but that falling out of love and wanting to see what goodies are out there, usually comes in the 3^rd to 7^th year of marriage. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent. It goes up to 49% for second marriages. People have even split after celebrating their silver wedding. So, no one is safe out there.

* Figures for the USA

Why do marriages end? Analysts have seen peaks and valleys in the divorce rate over the years. In the early mid-60’s in the West the divorce rate began to rise dramatically, fueled by ever-higher marital expectations, a vast expansion of wives moving into the work force, the rebirth of feminism, and the adoption of 'no fault' divorce in almost every state.

Today many couples divorce because of their own aspirations. They have started asking themselves why they should settle for less. They might have stayed put all this time because of familial responsibilities, but now that the children have left the nest, they think it is time they stopped putting their own needs on the backburner. Sometimes marriages end because the husband or wife has let himself or herself go, or because there is no longer any intimacy or companionship between the couple, each one being involved only in their own lives and their own jobs and friends. Today, spouses even have competitors in virtual friends, with their partner’s obsessive need to spend more time online than with the family.

The other day on TV, on a reality show, I watched a wife knock her husband for the way he ate, the way he handled the kids and even because he breathed too loudly. To knock someone’s self-esteem is one sure way to be heading to the divorce courts.

I for one strongly feel, people put more thought and effort into planning their wedding and honeymoon, than really getting to know each other. After all two months down the line, one soon realizes that love does not conquer all. There has to be something else too that makes you want to spend the rest of your life together. Imagine a few months down the line when the love-glow has faded, and you realize that he expects you to be chained to the kitchen sink, or that she has to run out and max her credit cards, every time there is a sale…then what?

When one applies for a job, there are a whole lot of tests and interviews to prove that you are the right candidate. Perhaps the same should apply for marriage and it shouldn’t be treated like a pastime- out with the old and in with the new. We also have probation periods for jobs, so how about if every marriage license lasted for a set amount of time, just like your driver's license. You sign a contract detailing responsibilities and terms, pay your fee and when it is over you either renew it or you don't.

So, do I sound a cold-blooded, unromantic? The suggestion about the marriage contract was just tongue in cheek. I believe that marriage is for keeps…to have and to hold, till death do us part. I think almost every religion has similar vows in the marriage ceremony.And we need to take them seriously.There would always be exceptions to the rule where divorce is a necessity, but it shouldn't be the easiest way out.

I belong to a country where the divorce rate is one of the lowest in the world, but it is just a matter of time before it strikes here too…in all its heartbreak and viciousness.

I wonder if people would consider this one of the positives of the recession – people are putting off their divorces. They cannot afford it.