Divorce is one of the most stressful events in life. More often than not, it gets very ugly, and all involved suffer. However, when children are involved, certain guidelines must be put into play. No child wants his parents to stop being married...no child wants to have to bounce between two households. However, if you're reading this, then you are already divorced or soon to be.

I have been divorced for over six years, have 3 sons from my first marriage, and have been remarried for 4 years. I have made all of the mistakes. So has my ex, his girlfriend, and my husband. However, when we remember that we all love the boys dearly, all works well and we create happier homes.

**Communication--We learned the hard way. Communication is vital. Not screaming, not silence. But honest, open communication. My boys used to tell their dad on his nights that they had no homework. And since pride had blinded us, we weren't speaking. A few F's later, we wised up a bit and began communicating about school. It took a lot more work before we began communicating about their friends, interests, and feelings, but we got there.

**Compromise--This one is even tougher than communication. Pride gets in the way, and neither parent wants to bend. And yes, I can say from experience that once you get significant others and their egos involved it becomes increasingly difficult. Once again, focus needs to go back to the children. Consider what it is that THEY want. Sure, I have had my times of being sad because it's their dad's year to have them on Christmas... but we have learned to compromise and celebrate whenever they are with us. One day at a time, appreciating the moments we have fully.

**Family time-- What works for us: an annual sushi dinner at my ex's house, held in February to honor a friend of ours who was killed by a drunk driver. This occasion is one where no squabbling occurs, a sort of sacred occasion. The boys have learned to fully enjoy that time, of having all of us around the table. This past year, we were also able to spend Thanksgiving dinner at my ex's house, along with his parents, brother, nephews, and friends. It was a very blessed occasion, to be able to look around the table, see their smiling faces, and truly be thankful.

There will be times when things go wrong. When pride and stubbornness play a part in making the situation miserable. After these times, as soon as possible after, the adults need to step back and re-focus. I've learned lately that even if one adult does this, the situation is quickly diffused.

Parenting does not end when the child reaches 18. There will be college graduations, promotions, weddings, births, family funerals, and so many occasions that the children will want all of their family involved in. If we remember to do what is absolute best for the children, all events can be peaceful.