It’s dark. While the rest of the Outsider Hubbits wait outside the Fortress, three brave little hubbits – Alpha, Beta and Theta volunteer to check out the weather inside. 

The Outsiders meanwhile make merry:

At the gates of the Forbidden Land

Will we ever understand

Its isms?

Voices fade away as the scene shifts to inside the fortress:

Alpha

The night is dark and I am filled with fear

To enter into this great fortress here

I should be leading all, I should be first

But prudence calls so I’ll let Beta test

The waters ere we do proceed inside

At any hint of danger, we must hide

Beta

Good Alpha as you say, I’ll go ahead

And see what dangers lurk in this hotbed

A modulation index I’ll prepare

And then we’ll see if entry we can dare

If aught should happen to me my good friend

Let Alphabet your name be to the end

Theta

Go on then Beta I will follow soon

With a vector angle to calculate this doom

Avoid the alleys of autocracy

The corners of conceit and egocentricity

Just stick to the safety of the Hubbit hangout

Far from the Politics and Religion bouts

Heard while passing a green room:

(with due apologies to Burt Bacharach and Hal David)

From the time that I wake up

I need to put on my makeup

While I say a little prayer for you

I reach for the pot that

Contains airs and brickbats – yes!

While I say a little prayer for you

I need to wipe off that smile off my face

With scorn I’ll replace it

Need to paint on a mask  

With all this goo

To spell heartbreak for you

Have to be quick now

The forum is getting full now

I say a little prayer for you

I’m hoping my barbs they

Won’t totally blow you away

So I’ll say a little prayer for you

Together, together that’s how we need to be

I need you to practice my amphibian superiority

My dears believe me

I need you can’t you see

Say you’ll humour me!

The three hubbits go through dark alleys, skirting the Maze of Mockery, the Backstreets of Bitchiness, the dark Corridors of Chicanery and the Path of Petulancy. As they approach the centre, they hear chanting.

Do they think that we will abdicate

Those rusticates

They’re such ingrates

When they should really adulate

And not negate

What we dictate

Why should they all agitate

When we pontificate

Or just debate

All we reiterate

Is for these reprobates

To terminate

This crazy state

And not adulterate

Or desecrate

Our Forum!

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